Pooped

Dear Internets,

I finally got a laptop (I love you, my lovely MacBook Pro). I'm finding it much more tempting to blog now that I'm not hen-pecking on an iPad.

Things are mostly good around these parts. Bullet points update on the goings-on at the Distractible household:

• I've been at my "new" job 10 months. I work from home, and for the most part, I really like it.
• We're getting the condo ready to sell.
• Abe started work as a police officer, and for the most part, he really likes it.
• The chickens started laying eggs. We average about two a day.
• Bailey is awesome. He loves having me home all the time. We're thinking of doing a joint Halloween costume: him as a dalmatian, and me as Cruella de Vil.
• We have another insane neighbor.

Wait, you say. What was that last one?

Well, we have another poop-smearing neighbor. She lives a few houses down, apparently. I say "apparently" because in the past 10 months, while we've seen and waved to her husband and daughters, we had never interacted with (or really even seen) her.

This all changed Saturday night when she tried to force her way into our house while drunk and on some type of drugs. She smeared blood (her own) and feces (hopefully not her own) all over our door. Her hands and feet were both bare.

We are not sure what, if anything, we did to make her angry. She said something about our dog, but Bailey doesn't bark, poop in neighbors' yards, or do anything that could possibly anger someone enough to go on a late-night poop-smearing expedition (as far as we know - he does spend an hour or two a week alone). She was arrested yesterday for something unrelated to the turd terrorism, so probably she's just nuts. (It was her second arrest this month, so if I had to guess...)

Anyway, that's what we're up to. Hopefully my lovely MacBook Pro will entice me to blog a little more often and my nutty neighbor will stay in jail. Miss you all.

Love,

Jane

Greener thumbs and pastures

I just accidentally "marked all as read" in Google Reader. It was super frustrating (but oddly strangely liberating at the same time). I hope I didn't miss anything important on the Internets. I pride myself on my blog stalking.

****

I start my new job tomorrow. Yikes!

****

Does you know of any good landscaping blogs? (As in the garden part of "home and garden," not personal grooming.) I have found more home design blogs than I have time to read, but my only inspiration for gardening at the moment is an old DVD of The Secret Garden. I'm not sure that Abe can stand listening to me wander around saying, "I'm in the gahhhhden... with Co-linnn...." so any suggestions are appreciated.

****

Have a great week!

Coming cleanish

I've been avoiding this post for about a week (because I think there's a chance I might have made a mistake) but there's really no turning back at this point, so I might as well just say it:

I am changing jobs.

(Phew. That was not so bad.)

I am downsizing (-ish), taking a job with less responsibility and less stress (and yes, less pay). I weighed the pros and cons, and while I think this is the right move, there's always an element of doubt that creeps in with capital-letters Life Change.

I had been thinking about my career a lot since I got laid off last summer. I wasn't unhappy at my current job (my coworkers are nice, the benefits are great), but I wasn't really doing a very good job at it, either. I am a person who likes programming well enough; surrounded by people who *love* it, I felt like (and was, really) the weakest link. It's hard to spend 40 hours a week feeling utterly incompetent. It's even harder when your team is so nice about the fact that you're failing them on a daily basis.

While I don't necessarily think that this new job is my dream job, I do think it could serve as a great stepping stone. If you'll forgive the mixed metaphor, I think it may just be the key that unlocks the golden handcuffs that have kept me at my non-dream job.

For now, I think that's fine with me.

Working for the weekend (eventually)

Oh Internets... I am so ready to be done with working a bazillion (OK, 55 or so) hours a week. It's exhausting!

On the other hand, both of my jobs are going really well right now. My current students at my part time job are some of the best I've ever had. One of them even brought me an energy drink this evening (which suggests that even my students think I'm crazy for teaching in the evenings after work.)(This is probably why my brain is wide awake after midnight despite my body's desire to sleep. Darn you, caffeine!)

I really like my new main job so far. Of course, it's hard to say whether my enthusiasm will last. I am fairly distractible, and the newness of anything wears off after a while. (I have a friend who is fond of saying that the best two days of any job are the first day and the last. After all, sooner or later you'll realize that your boss is crazy and/or that some coworker really is going to drink a tuna fish smoothie for lunch.)(Right by your desk.)(Every single day.) But so far, I really enjoy my coworkers and the stuff I've been doing. I actually talk with people regularly throughout the day rather than once or twice a week. It's great.

The downside to all of this working is that I haven't had much time for anything else - Achilles, friends, commenting on blogs, my Netflix queue. Of course, this situation is very temporary, and I mostly feel incredibly lucky to be overemployed after my recent sticky job situation. In a couple of weeks, I'll be back to writing stand up, making boring condo repairs, expanding my knowledge of Japanese film, and beating metaphors to death on this blog and in your comments sections. In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can to enjoy the hustle and bustle while it lasts. As for Achilles - don't worry; he and I commute, run, and eat dinner together most nights. Secretly, I think he's enjoying the opportunity to play a few extra video games while I'm at work.

Anyway, this is all beginning to sound very disjointed. (My brain is ready for sleep. My body is ready for sleep. Now I just need my heart rate to get ready for sleep. No more energy drinks, even to be polite!) I'll be back in full force soon. In the meantime, take care of the Internets and yourself.

Things that have happened

Employment bullet points!

• I got a job. I started Tuesday. I think I like it. So far, I'm just very busy. Also, since I had picked up a lot of hours at job #2 in anticipation of not having a primary job, I'll be even a little busier than normal for the next few weeks. But hopefully I'll survive.
• In related news, my new coworkers discovered my comedy video. The (pretty much) highest-ranking person I've ever talked to at my job sent me an email that said
  "I'm glad I finally know someone who can help me find things at Home Depot."
• I quickly ruined my good-ish first impression by accidentally breaking a security system.
• Fortunately, my new direct supervisor-type bosses imediately decided that it wasn't my fault.
• Either I got really spoiled by partial telecommuting and an easy project schedule at my last job, or I'm getting old. Eight (and sometimes eleven) hour work days seem ridiculously long. And traffic..? Ugh.
• Achilles and I were offered a really good deal on a rental house that is significantly closer to both of our jobs and cheaper than our condo. However, we'd have to try to sell our condo (likely for a loss) if we decided to move. We're not sure what to do.
• My niece says my name now, and cries when I leave. She has me wrapped around her little finger. I'm looking into buying her a pony.
• I have to go run now. Literally. Blah. Training for a half marathon seemed like a good idea when I wasn't going to have anything else to do. Next time I get bored, I'm just going to convince Achilles we should have a baby.
• Just kidding.

Biting the bullets

Yes, it is that time again. I have let myself get so discombobulated (love that word) through lack of blog posting that my only hope for ever moving forward is to attempt to re-combobulate myself through the use of bullet points and bad pun blog titles.

This is the current status of various aspects of my life:

• Job situation - If you are annoying even yourself with your self-absorption, chances are, you're probably beginning to alienate some of your readers. At any rate, I don't want to turn this into an unemployment blog, so after this update, I'm going to put a lid on this subject for a while. Since my last post, I took a test to see if I qualify for a teaching program, interviewed for a job, and signed up for a mandatory "transitions workshop" for the group of people who were laid off by my employer. The test went pretty well (I think). I thought the interview went badly. It reminded me of getting dressed up for a date with a guy that you're not that interested in, and then getting rejected because the guy is still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. (Oddly, that made me more interested in the job than I initially thought I was. Old habits?) I am sure the transitions workshop will be magical.
• Achilles - He is still nice. I don't know why he puts up with me. Perhaps it is because I don't complain when he heads to the video store to pick up a movie we both agreed on and instead returns with something he thinks we might like better. (I sent him this article and went upstairs to reread my Anastasia books.)
  
• Stand up - I'm performing again on July 11th. Email me if you'll be in the Austin area and would like tickets.
  
• Hurricane Alex - I am normally not a fan of hurricanes, but I am enjoying the rain and cooler weather Alex has brought to Austin. I hope this doesn't cause too much trouble in the Gulf, though. (Side note - how is it possible that we've never had a hurricane Alex before? Isn't Alex a really common name?)
• Birthdays - My niece and my sister's birthday was yesterday. In some ways, I can't believe little Ellie is already a year old. In others, I can't believe how much has happened in the past year. My nephew's fourth birthday is in two weeks. I definitely can't believe how much has happened in the past four years.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets!

Freaky Friday (accepting applications)

Sometimes I think I should not be allowed to live my own life. Ugh. There are times I wouldn't mind trading places with someone else for a while, just until I got the tricky parts straightened out.

I am having the hardest time making life decisions lately. I am a fickle nickel. (Or a fickle pickle? Does that sound better? I can't make up my mind about anything!) I think that's part of why it's so easy for people to get stuck in jobs or situations that don't make them happy; making decisions that actually change things in your life can be scary and confusing. But that is another post for another day.

I want to thank you all again for how great you've been in the past couple of weeks. I feel like I've been super needy lately (which is so weird for me), but you guys have been amazingly supportive. It's great to have a place to go when my family and friends get sick of listening to me. (My family and friends have been great, too, of course. But they have their own lives, and oddly, they don't find my navel nearly as fascinating as I do.)

I had some really great comments on my last post. Rachel's, in particular, made me smile, because she said "I think you know, deep down, what the answer is. So listen to yourself!"

For some reason, that reminded me of Kung Fu. I spent the next several minutes imagining us in the roles of student and teacher:

Master Rachel: Close your eyes, Jane. What do you see?
Jane: I think I see the inside of my eyelids.
Master Rachel: You have much to learn, Grasshopper.

(FYI: We spent the rest of my daydream sequence avenging past wrongs and fighting for the underdog. We totally kicked butt.)

D's comment (reproduced below) probably made me think the hardest.

The change, for me, was ceasing to define who I am by what I do to make money.

I like the job because it is interesting enough, pays well enough, has good benefits, and lets me have a life (my real life) outside of it. Plenty of time for you to pursue your hobby.

I haven't found someone, yet, who loves to go to work. Doesn't matter what the job is. So, sure, change your job. Do it. Just be realistic about how green the grass is.

I've actually been ruminating about whether I'll always think the grass is always greener for quite some time (maybe even my whole life). Just so you know I never meant to suggest that I think (especially my lovely blog readers) are defined by their jobs, or that their 8-to-5 jobs are where people are living their real lives.

However, we do spend most of our waking hours at work, commuting, or getting ready for work. Yes, we work to live, but it does invade our personal lives to a rather large degree. (I'll have more to say about this particular after I post my next stand up video. Don't want to spoil the jokes, yo. xoxo)

Sure, many people would rather watch Law & Order reruns on the couch than drive to work in traffic five days a week, but there's a huge difference between a job that leaves you feeling drained and a job that leaves you feeling good about yourself. At my current (soon-to-be former) job, I sit alone all day with computer code. I interact with other human beings at work once or twice a week, if I'm lucky. I usually leave work each day completely drained. Could I be happy at a job doing the same thing if I were in a more social environment? Absolutely, and it's worth looking into.

But contrast this with how I feel when I leave my part time job teaching and tutoring. Even when I have to go in to work after leaving my 8-to-5 job, I almost always leave after my shift with an extra spring in my step. Sure, there are times I'd rather spend my extra free time doing something else, but there's a reason I've kept my second job for so long - I like the work.

At any rate, discussing which side of the fence has greener grass is kind of a moot point right now. There is no grass on my side of the fence anymore, or there won't be after the end of August. I can apply for better-sounding jobs in my field, but there's no guarantee that I'll get one. Part of my last post was really about exploring all the pastures out there so that I reduce my chances of starving to death this winter.

(And THAT, my friends, is how you beat a metaphor to death. You are welcome.)

All of this is a rambling, mostly nonsensical way of saying that I still don't have a clue what I'm going to do with my life.

I am applying for the teaching program, for sure. That has been my "someday" plan for at least three years, since I got my part time job teaching and tutoring (and probably before that, if I'm being completely honest with myself). I had been planning to do it long before I found out I was getting laid off. The job loss just raises the stakes for getting into the program a little higher. But if I don't make it this year, I'll try again. I don't know if I'm meant to be a teacher forever (who can ever know something like that), but I do think it is something I'm meant to do. And if it comes do it and I have to give up some of my free time or hobbies to pursue teaching, I will.

The next year is the fuzzy part. I have an interview for a job next week. We'll see how it goes. (I'm half afraid that they'll offer me the job and I'll say yes, not so much because I want the job but because I'm incapable of telling people no.)

I don't think I have any really terrible options, which is part of what is driving me so crazy. I'm sure it'll all work out. It always does, right? Still... if anyone is interested in switching places for a while, you know where to reach me.


Side note: It is amazing to feel like I can be completely honest about work stuff on here... I guess that's one unexpected benefit to being laid off - I don't have to worry about being Dooced.

Although we go... to the end of the vacation road...

Dear Work,

Why do I have to go back to you tomorrow? I'm just not ready. I'm glad to have you, really, it's just that I *really* got used to being on vacation. I went back to Job #2 yesterday, and that was fine, so my return to you will probably be fine too. Right? Right?

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Michael Cera,

I like love have adored for years and years the song that's playing in the trailer for your new movie. I could recommend a few Old 97's songs that would be great in an Arrested Development movie.

I'm just sayin.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Condo,

If you could magically restore yourself to pre-renovation project cleanliness/organization levels, that would be great.

XOXO,
Jane

***

Dear Self,

What happened to eating healthier and exercising over the winter break? Shame on you (and those delicious chocolate candy pretzels).

Yours shamefully,
Jane

Halloweenie Weenies

Dear Internets,

As much as I love Halloween, I usually don't go for work-mandated costumes, because I usually end up looking something like this:


Gah! I thought you said I was going to be a witch, not a drag queen!


This year was actually not so bad, though. Picture 15 people dressed like this:



Then picture those people doing the Oompa Loompa dance around a guy who actually looks like Gene Wilder dressed as Willy Wonka. It wasn't a bad skit.

I think my favorite skit was a group who performed an [employer name redacted] High School pep rally. It was really elaborate. They were the EHS Halloweenies, and their mascot was a dachshund (aka weenie). They had band members, baton twirlers, foreign exchange students (in drag), football players, a principal, a superintendent who measured all the girls' skirts with a measuring stick, and a 40-something male cheerleader who can still tumble and do a pretty darn good toe touch. While the group performed their skit, they played a slide show in the background with pictures of all of them in high school. It was pretty awesome.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets. I'll probably spend most of the weekend washing this face paint off.

Love,
Jane

P.S. The Oompa Loompa costumes only cost $10. The collar and cuffs are made of paper.

Top 5 Tuesday

Dear Internets,

Firstly, thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only person who says "vicious cycle" instead of "vicious circle." Yesterday, I did my best to break out of my vicious cycle by eating three healthy meals and going to CrossFit. Unfortunately, I also had one of those awful nights in which my mind was going 95 miles an hour (or... a lot... of kilometers per hour) until 4:30 a.m. I only got about three hours of sleep, but I'm going to try to avoid letting that derail me.

I thought I'd try something a little different today. Back in the days of my second blog (I didn't really know what I was doing, so I started with TypePad blog and my own domain, then took a giant step backward to a MySpace blog), I used to do a weekly post called "Top 5 Tuesday." It was like my bullet points posts, only better organized. I thought a Top 5 Tuesday post would be a nice change of pace for this blog. (Like ham for Thanksgiving or something.)

Without further ado, here are The Top 5 Things That Kept Me From Sleeping Last Night:

5. Imaginary blog posts. For some reason, I start mentally composing blog posts when I can't sleep at night. I used to get up and actually write down my late night ideas. Then I realized that "great ideas!!" from 2:00 in the morning are rarely even coherent ideas the next morning. They still keep me awake though.

4. Work stuff. I've been stuck on a problem at work. It's boring and computer-y so I won't get into it, but it is not so fun.

3. Second job stuff. Things have been weird there lately. One of the office staff people called me about a minor problem a couple of weeks ago when Bailey was sick. I shouldn't have answered the phone (I'd been crying all day) but I did, and now I feel like they think I'm some sort of crazy emotional weirdo. I don't know whether to try to repair the damage or cut my losses and just have one job for a while.

2. Bailey. As I've mentioned before, he got really really sick a couple of weeks ago. The vet had no idea what was going on, and was saying scary stuff about possible liver or kidney failure. For a few hours, I really thought we were going to have to put Bailey to sleep. He is doing much better now, but he lost about 10% of his body weight, and the vet still isn't sure what happened. I have to make sure Bailey gets enough exercise for stress relief but not so much that he loses any more weight (he was a skinny dog before he lost any weight - he's skin and bones now) and be really careful about what I feed him. I'm sure worrying about the situation isn't really helping anything, but I can't help it.

1. Early onset wedding stress. Before I got engaged, I figured Achilles' and my wedding was going to be a completely low stress and fun celebration. I was not going to be a bridezilla; everyone, including my (one) bridesmaid, would wear what they wanted, eat cupcakes, and dance to fabulous music (even the Macarena, if they really wanted).

Ha. Hahahahahaha.

Internets, something turns screwy in people's brains when they hear the word "wedding." Among other things, I've already been told that I'm too old to wear white (I'm 28), our budget is "ridiculous" if it doesn't include fancy table linens (I don't even have the energy to summon words to express how little I care about table linens in any way, honestly), and that I'm nuts for wanting to allow kids (my 3-year-old nephew is one of my absolute favorite people in the world - I don't care if you have kids at *your* wedding, but I'd like for him to come to mine and Achilles'). One person already threatened not to come to the wedding over one of those three issues. The crazy part is, I'm sure the same people would freak out if I wore a red/pink/blue dress or we spent a ton of money or we *didn't* allow kids. It's hard (for me at least) to believe it, but there are actually people out there who want to be everyone's hop on backseat wedding coordinator.

***
Thanks for letting me vent, Internets. You're a real trooper. I'm feeling much better now that I wrote this all out.

Yours much less stressed-ly,
Jane

A distractible person probably invented paisley print, though

Dear Internets,

Sometimes being distractible has its disadvantages. Say, for example, that you're at your second job and you meet the teacher from the class before you - a shaggy-haired (male) hipster in a long paisley print skirt. And you're trying to concentrate on what he's saying about 18th century German philosophy and manga, but all you can really think about is what a *fantastic* addition he'd make to your trivia team, and how you'd kind of like a tailored shirt made out of the paisley print skirt fabric. And you're wishing you could bring that up without 1.) seeming totally awkward, and 2.) making the guy think you're hitting on him, because he strikes you as a bit socially awkward himself, and you're afraid that all the resulting awkwardness would result in a rip in the time-space continuum, and you really don't want to get sucked into some sort of alternate universe, because who would feed your dog?

That is why it is better to be a person who can focus, Internets. If I could actually focus, *I* might be a good addition to my trivia team. Oh well.

Love,
Jane

Moonlighting

Dear 2nd job,

Sonofasomethingson blank! I wish I knew how to quit you.

Love,
Jane

Here she goes about Halloween again

Dear Internets,

Today I was going to talk about A's new name on this blog, but that will have to wait until tomorrow.

I just found out that I'm supposed to dress up as a sorority girl for our group costume at work. [Note: It is NOT a good idea to Google "Sorority girl costume" while actually at work, even if you're doing it FOR work. Actually, probably don't look at women's Halloween costumes at ALL while at work. WTF, SafeSearch??]

It's not such a bad costume (at the very least, it shouldn't be too expensive), but I don't have a very good history when it comes to dressing up for Halloween parties at work. I think I tend to... overdo it a bit.

The Gallery of Bad Work Costume Decisions

Please note that I look like I'm dressed up as a cross-dresser in 100% of these pictures, although I'm only intentionally cross-dressing in the one with the creepy mustache. (I was not meant to be a platinum blond, apparently.)

Please keep your fingers crossed that my coworkers won't think I'm a total nut-job after Halloween is over.

Love,
Jane

Pre-Weekend Rambling

Dear Job,

I like you, but you make my brain hurt sometimes.

Sometimes I think I'm mostly right-brained person with a completely left-brained job. Actually, I don't know if I'm right-brained or left-brained; if I blog before work, I find it difficult to switch gears and look at computer code and spreadsheets; if I wait until after I get off work to blog, it's like my creative juices are all dried up.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm super-excited that the weekend is here, except that it will be mostly spent doing the following:

• unpacking/organizing
• working at job #2
• going to Home Depot for random stuff that I don't really want to spend money on, but need so that my condo doesn't crumble completely into a pile of rubble and squalor
• bathing my (70-lb, hates-to-be-bathed) dog
• moving my betta upstairs/hoping he survives the move
• studying
  

We are going to the UT/Rice game. The weather has been absolutely amazing this week - highs in the mid-80's, so that will be nice.

I am going to stop now... This is getting painful to read. [Turn off already, Left Brain! It's Friday.]

Love always,
Jane

Oops...

Dear Internets,

Have you ever gotten one of those phone calls where some really important person at the head office of the place where you work calls you and asks if you knew that you accidentally ran this program that completely shut down the system for two hours, and you're thinking, "Um, yeah, I kind of did know, but I was hoping no one would notice because it's Friday afternoon and I was thinking maybe no one else would be trying to work," but out loud you say, "Oh wow, I'm so sorry, I will fix that and not let it happen again," and you feel really dumb? And then you eat a brownie because you think it might make you feel better, and then it kind of does make you feel better, and you think, "Great, I've become an emotional eater and I don't even know what I am going to do about it, even though it's the kind of thing that Oprah could probably help me with, because Oprah comes on while I'm at work and I don't have DVR or Tivo or anything"?

Um, me either.

On another note, here are some pictures of my Eee PC and my Swingline stapler. I should have included the entire phone in the picture - my laptop is seriously smaller than my telephone! I can't get over it.



The color is kind of funky, but I think the pictures are not terrible for a camera phone (that is three years old and not an iPhone because I am poor. And also, cheap).

I had been saving and watching for deals on the Eee PC for a while, so I was worried that I would be disappointed once I actually got one. However, so far, I am in love. (I got a good deal - $75 off, free shipping, and no sales tax, so that helped.)

Anyway, I am off to attempt not to break anything else in the next two hours. Wish me luck!

Love,
Jane

Meeting Notes

Dear Jane,

Please stop taking notes like this in meetings. It is going to get us in trouble.

Meetings 101: One doodle per page, Jane!

You say doodling helps you concentrate on what people are saying.

They have a hard time believing that when you write "Zzzzzzzzz" under your pictures.

I just think it's probably a good idea to take a little break from the doodling, Jane, and focus on your work.

Love,
Your Brain

P.S. I do kind of like this fox, though.

Hawaiian Shirt Day

Dear Friday,

You are dragging like a bag full of... heavy, wet things that are hard to drag. Please stop this ASAP. I can only make so many trips to the water machine/bathroom...

Love,
Jane

P.S. You do have a little mystery, Friday. One of the tiny pink paper cranes I made out of half of a mini Post-It is missing from the small paper crane colony at my desk. The other three are undisturbed and accounted for, so I'm really not sure what happened to him. If you could call Miss Marple, that would be extremely helpful.

Only one little pink paper crane. How sad. She'll probably get stuck with the little yellow crane at the kids' table at Thanksgiving.

But wait...



It's Swingline and the Amazing Technicolor DreamCrane!



Disaster is averted. Could it be true love?

TGI... no, I just can't say it

Dear Internets,

You know those people who go around all week asking everyone if it's Friday yet? And then on Fridays, they go around saying either "TGIF, right?" or "Is it 5:00 yet?"

Today may turn me into one of those people... The day has just dragged. [I think it's because I'm still licking my wounds from being yelled at by a security guard this morning. (I was daydreaming and accidentally drove to the wrong parking garage.) I don't know why it upset me. The guards are a grouchy bunch that just really like to yell. But still... It didn't exactly set the tone for a great day.]

Hopefully this weekend will be better. I'm working at my second job, building a flower bed on my back patio, and possibly going to watch a bike race.

I hope you have a quiet, non-yelly weekend.

XOXO,
Jane

Happier Days

Dear New Job,

I like you so far. I think I'll like you more once my fever goes away.

Love,
Jane

The first day of the rest of my life

Dear Cubicle,

We've had some good times together, cubicle. I really wish we could have done the whole unicorns and faux fur theme before I left, but it's probably for the best.

I'll miss ya!
Jane