Halloween costume rant 2010.1

I thought Sesame Street was the *least* sexy street in America, but what do I know?

http://gothamist.com/2010/02/10/sesame_street_2.phphttp://gothamist.com/2010/02/10/sesame_street_2.php

Must stop thinking about this before I start making Sesame Street-walker puns.

Halloweenie Weenies

Dear Internets,

As much as I love Halloween, I usually don't go for work-mandated costumes, because I usually end up looking something like this:


Gah! I thought you said I was going to be a witch, not a drag queen!


This year was actually not so bad, though. Picture 15 people dressed like this:



Then picture those people doing the Oompa Loompa dance around a guy who actually looks like Gene Wilder dressed as Willy Wonka. It wasn't a bad skit.

I think my favorite skit was a group who performed an [employer name redacted] High School pep rally. It was really elaborate. They were the EHS Halloweenies, and their mascot was a dachshund (aka weenie). They had band members, baton twirlers, foreign exchange students (in drag), football players, a principal, a superintendent who measured all the girls' skirts with a measuring stick, and a 40-something male cheerleader who can still tumble and do a pretty darn good toe touch. While the group performed their skit, they played a slide show in the background with pictures of all of them in high school. It was pretty awesome.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets. I'll probably spend most of the weekend washing this face paint off.

Love,
Jane

P.S. The Oompa Loompa costumes only cost $10. The collar and cuffs are made of paper.

Halloween 2.0

Dear Internets,

This year, I think I have set a personal record for fewest Halloween-related posts. (Well, at least a record for fewest Halloween-related posts actuall posted in October.) This is not something I'm proud of, and I plan to do my best to rectify this situation immediately.

Last week, Achilles and I had our annual Halloween kids' movie night for grown-ups. Actually, on second thought my sister and brother-in-law stopped by with my niece and nephew for a little while, so it wasn't technically just grown-ups this year. Oh well. I may have succeeded in convincing Charlie (my nephew) that I always have a table full of cupcakes and candy, and kids' movies in the DVD player, and am therefore the coolest grown-up ever. We'll see.

Here are the pictures. Warning: there are lots.


The food table, before I added the 1950's housewife appetizers (mini quiches, croissant-wrapped mini sausages, etc) and apples. This year I decided to do caramel cream cheese apple dip rather than have a crock pot of melted caramel. I think it was a good choice - the cream cheese dip was delicious, and seemed to be a big hit. I *almost* got Charlie to try some by offering to let him keep one of the little skeletons if he would take one bite, but he thought the better of it at the last minute. Sadly, I did not get any pictures of the dip - I was too busy eating it.


I went a little crazy with the cupcake decorations (who, me?) and made several different styles and sizes. They are all devil's food cupcakes with chocolate ganache. The "dirt" on the tombstone cupcakes is crushed up chocolate cookies. The white cupcakes have a layer of marshmallow fondant.


The two cupcakes on the right (the green RIP cupcake w/skull and the mini cupcake w/foot) were my favorites. I made the tombstones and the bones/body parts out of marshmallow fondant. Allegedly, marshmallow fondant is not the right tool for this. Granted, the tombstones had to be propped up with spider rings, but I am kind of unabashedly proud of the foot. It was about 3/4 of an inch from knee to tiny toes. It's hard to tell from the picture, but it sort of looked like I'd baked one of The Borrowers into a cupcake.


Jimmy Hoffa mystery solved - he is in the belly of one of my coworkers. Achilles was worried I was somehow jinxing Texas football with the OU cupcake. I refuse to take credit for that game one way or the other.


Fondant cupcakes. The fondant tasted like non-stale Marshmallow Peeps. Not really my cup of tea, but pretty decent tasting for fondant.


Achilles made another beer pumpkin. He put dry ice inside the pumpkin, so it looked like the beer was foaming over. It was really cool.


I dressed up as Sandra Dee and/or a future 1950's housewife. As for why Achilles took that picture from such a weird angle, I do not know. At least I think it's the picture angle that is causing my skirt to look like it is swallowing me alive. I could be wrong.


My mom made the poodle skirt for me when I was in junior high. I gave it on to one of my younger cousins when I went to college. My cousin gave it back this year when she got married. (I feel so old sometimes.) Bailey did not approve of the poodle.


Achilles was a 1970's detective. His wig was both intriguing and terrifying.


Of course, Bailey had to dress up too.


Bailey is staring distrustfully at the stuffed witch's cat from the beer pumpkin picture. I think he wants to either give it an unfair trial and burn it at the stake, or rip it apart out and scatter its stuffing all over the kitchen. It's a tough call.


High five for old school Halloween!

Love,
Jane

P.S. Here is the Lucha Libre cupcake picture from a million years ago. Whoopsie! This is why I avoid my archives...

Halloween again

Dear Internets,

Yes, I'm posting about Halloween. Sure, it's only early September, but I'm already getting costume catalogs in the mail, so I think it's allowed.

So. You know that I love teh Halloween. You also know that maybe, just maybe, I'm more of a fan of the trick-or-treaty cute Halloween than I am of the dress-like-a-ho-and-flaunt-your-booty-on-6th-Street Halloween. I just appreciate creative or scary costumes more than the "my costume is that I'm not really wearing any clothes" take on Halloween.

So you can imagine how disturbed I was to see this costume in a catalog that Achilles received in the mail:

Your eyes do not deceive you, Internets. That is indeed a slutty hobo costume. (Must... not... make... joke... about... riding... her... train...)

-insert head exploding-

Sure, Halloween costumes don't have to represent things that exist in real life. But really. Isn't there another word for people who dress like hookers and don't have homes? And isn't that word "hookers"?

The costume itself is not the only thing that bugs me. I really believe that hobo costumes should be reserved for people who wait until the last minute to think of a costume idea. People should not pay money (or at least not more than $5 at Goodwill) to be a hobo, gypsy, or similar. What's next? A hoochie ghost?



We have to stop this, Internets. Who's with me?

Love always,
Jane

Obligatory dog Halloween costume photos

dear mom,

i hates you.

love,
bailey



P.S. i hates kitty-cat costoom even more. did not fit. FAIL.



P.P.S. daddy? where u go? please to come rescue me now love bailey

.

Halloween 10.0

Dear Internets,

I know that I just won't shut up about Halloween this month, but I am hopeful that you will eventually forgive me, so I'm going to keep talking about it.

In response to no one ever "getting" my dorky Halloween costumes, my costume this year is the most stereotypically boring one that I could think of (witch). However, I wish I hadn't settled; inspiration struck while reading Georgia's latest blog, and I thought of the perfect group costume for three people (or two people who happened to have a life-sized Sesame Street puppet).

My idea? A row from Hollywood Squares.

Isn't it fantastic? I envision it looking something like this:

You're welcome for the costume idea, Internets. I knew you would appreciate it.

Love always,
Jane