Muddled

Dear Internets,

Things I am currently baffled by:

• The Universe sent me breakfast tacos and Girl Scout cookies today. I asked for donuts, but honestly I prefer the tacos and cookies. Can the Universe read my mind?
• I put "spend gift cards" on my to-do list. Who does that? What self-respecting, childless 20-something needs to schedule shopping trips?
• Do mortgages become subprime if the house loses value? I mean, the 20% equity that makes a mortgage prime? un-subprime? traditional goes away. What is the definition of subprime?
• Why am I too lazy to consult Google to find out the definition of subprime?
• Why am I disappointed that there are no crappy comedies out that I want to see? Why don't I have the energy to see an "Oscar movie"?

Maybe I just need a nap. I hope you have a wonderful, un-befuddled weekend Internets.

Love,
Jane

Does that make me cray-zay?

Dear Internets,

Someone mentioned this morning that they'd seen an article about the most popular baby names of 2008.

So what did I do? Well, I certainly didn't spend the morning thinking of nice-sounding baby names. Because I am not even engaged yet. And that would be psycho.

And I definitely did not imagine how different names would sound with middle and last names.

Or maybe I did. Just a little.

Oh god, I'm a crazy person.

Love always,
Jane

P.S. I kind of blame my current semi-obsession with baby names on my overwhelming desire to know the sex of my new niece- or nephew-let.
P.P.S. But mostly I think I just want to get a puppy and name her Daisy.

Moonlighting

Dear 2nd job,

Sonofasomethingson blank! I wish I knew how to quit you.

Love,
Jane

Tagged and Released

Dear Sweet Internets,

I am sorry that I have been neglecting you. I have been all kinds of busy with all kinds of boring things.

However, I did get tagged by my awesome fellow Texan, the Tex-Pat/Wandering Tex. Y'all know I love a good tag (especially when I need to squeeze in a quick blog post, and the rules are so simple). All I have to do is tag five people and list five songs that I like. And we all get to (maybe) discover new music. Everyone wins!

Here are my five songs:

1. Designs on You, by the Old 97's. (You know I couldn't start off with anything other than an Old 97's song. I had to hold myself back from listing only Old 97's songs.)


2. Two Way Monologue, by Sondre Lerche. (I had never seen this video. It cracks me up.)


3. Dreaming of You, The Coral. (An oldie, but goodie. "Pass it On" is another good one.)


4. World Spins Madly On, The Weepies. (I don't think this is the official video, but I like it.)


5. 1978, Salim Nourallah. (This one's for Wandering Tex - a video of a Dallas musician performing in Germany! Woo! Also, Salim Nourallah's collaborating with Rhett Miller on an album this spring, which should be all kinds of awesome.)


Hmmm... I tag Rachel, Suzanne, and Isabel, because I know they like the Old 97's and thus, have awesome taste, and Talia, because she's awesome. And I re-tag Wandering Tex so that she can report back on the best of her findings. And I encourage the rest of you to leave five songs in the comments, because curious ears want to know.

Love,
Jane

Borrowed idea

Dear Internets,

Because it's Friday, and my brain is already on weekend mode, I thought I'd borrow an idea from the wonderful Hillary and tie up some of the loose ends I've left on this blog over the past few weeks. If I leave anything out or if you have any other random questions, let me know. I'll do my best to address them before too much time goes by. No promises, though...

• I'm glad to know that I am not the only person who hates conflict (I'm especially glad to hear I'm not the only person who cries when people yell at me). Some of you have awesome techniques for dealing with arse-holes.
• The Wordpress spam filter still hates me. I like to leave comments, and it bums me out to get sent to spam. I always forget to check the blog host, and the more comments I leave that get left in spam folders, the more Aksimet thinks I'm a spammer. So what all that is leading up to is that while I don't want to be a jerky blogger, I think I'm going to unsubscribe from the blogs that still aren't letting my comments through. (If we've emailed each other about this, or if you're a regular commenter on my blog, don't worry. This does not apply to you. I heart you.)
• The condo ghosts still hate my appliances. My oven is still working (ish), and will go unreplaced for now. My new high efficiency washer and dryer arrive next week. Bailey got overly excited and fell on the (recently replaced) dishwasher door a while back, so it doesn't close properly unless you give it a little hip bump. It still works, though, so I'm not going to replace it. (Take that, condo ghost! Ha HA.)
• It is still nice and warm in Austin. The high is supposed to be 82 degrees F (27.7 C) today. (Remind me about this next August.)
  
• I have gotten my hair cut several times since I first posted about it. So far, I haven't been re-mulleted, and my hair is now quite long. I want bangs, but can't have them since I have curly hair and would end up looking like a French poodle. (One day, I'll show you a picture of my 6th grade poodle days.) So boo for that.
  
• Cedar fever is still the devil.
  
• I still haven't scraped the popcorn off the ceilings at my condo. It was painted over (surprise surprise) by the previous owners, which apparently makes it almost impossible to get off. Grr.
• The Universe has not yet sent me donuts. I remain hopeful.
• I'm still working on that "29 before 29" post.
  
• My sister is pregnant! Somehow I didn't announce that to the Internets. So I'm going to be an aunt squared, or something. Woot!
  
• Achilles' beer turned out pretty good. The smell of hops has finally faded away.
• The Roomba works on carpet, but not really on hard floors.
  

That's as far as I got in the archives. I was afraid if I navel-gazed any more, I'd never extract my head from my stomach.

Have a wonderful weekend Internets!

Love,
Jane

Conflicted

Dear Internets,

I *hate* conflict. When someone yells at me, I have a tendency to withdraw completely like a turtle in her shell rather than dealing with the person head-on.

I'm learning that it's OK to stand up for myself and work through the situation, and that usually, people are not as upset as I initially think they are. I can send an email to apologize (and also explain myself, since I'm too generally too anxious to do it over the phone or in person), and usually the response is "tee hee, we all make mistakes, I should have started with talking, not yelling, let's be besties." Dealing with conflict is not that bad.

However, whether I go for ignoring the conflict or resolving it I still end up feeling drained and ready to curl up in the corner and take a nap. I don't think it's perfectionism on my part - I don't mind being criticized, as long as there's no yelling involved.

How do you deal with people who yell first, ask questions later, Internets? Any tips that might come in handy?

Yours truly,
Jane

2922 Days Later

Dear Internets,

Happy Inauguration Day!

Love,
Jane

Better than marshmallows

Dear Internets,

Feeling bored with your interior decorating? Also slightly hungry? May I suggest, the Hamburger Bed:



I'll stop now, before I start making inappropriate fast food related puns.

Love,
Jane

Who know what evil lurks in the hearts of appliances?

Dear Oven,

Why are you no longer cooking things evenly? I have even started using the $30 cookie sheet. Doesn't that make you feel like a nice, classy oven that works fabulously?

I hope I won't be replacing my fourth* appliance since moving in.

Your friend,
Jane

*Or fourth and fifth, rather, since I'd probably also need to replace the above-the-stove microwave.

***

Dear $30 cookie sheet,

I still don't understand why you cost $30. And you don't even fit in my cabinets. But I think I like you anyway.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Jane,

Stop eating cookies.

Love,
Your Waistline

***

Dear Waistline,

I eat to fill the void left in my heart when the Internets decides to only hang out with the cool kids.

Love,
Jane

P.S. Actually, that's a lie. I just like cookies.

***

Dear Internets,

Lies or not, I hear it's delurking day/week/year. Say hello! Tell me the secret to keeping old appliances from running away with my savings! Tell me your favorite flavor of cookie!

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love,
Jane

Mmmm...

Dear Dark Chocolate-Dipped Altoids,

You are delicious. Let's be friends.

Love,
Jane

Debating about debating

Dear Internets,

I read an interesting article yesterday in the NY Times about the autism debate. In particular, this quote jumped out at me:

[Dr. Nancy J. Minshew] blamed journalists for “creating a conspiracy where there was none.” By acting as if there were two legitimate sides to the autism debate, she said, “the media has fed on this — it’s great for ratings.”

While I'm not interested in starting an autism/vaccine debate on this blog*, I found the quote really intriguing. It made me wonder if other "hot issues" are amplified by the media's (in my opinion, generally legitimate) need to present both sides to issues. Maybe there aren't that many people who think, for example, that homosexuality is a choice, or that global warming is some weird government conspiracy to help polar bears steal Alaska. This was an interesting paradigm shift for me.

What do you think, Internets?

Love,
Jane

*For one thing, I don't want to start talking about kids and give my ovaries any ideas.

Brrrrrrrrrrr!

Dear Internets,

I saw on the news today that it might not get above 1 degree Fahrenheit (-17C) in Chicago on Thursday.

Holy crap. I'm glad I live in Texas.

Stay warm, Internets.

Love,
Jane

In which I come clean to the Internets

Dear Internets,

Shannon, who writes one of my favoritest blogs ever, doaleigh, offered an opportunity to participate in a really cool question and answer meme. The 411:

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Shannon, unsurprisingly, came up with some really good questions. Without further ado:

1. Would you rather be beautiful but always smell terrible or be ugly but smell lovely?
This is a tough question. I guess I would go with being beautiful but smelling terrible. The reason I say this is that sometimes I rinse my hair with apple cider vinegar (it gets rid of product buildup and leaves my hair shiny and my curls manageable). It smells awful (ask Achilles) but looks great.

CAVEAT: if we're talking "personal odor," I would rather smell lovely and be ugly than have bad BO.

2. The old adage says to regret nothing, and that's probably true. But if you could change something you've done, what would it be and why?
I would have taken a year off after high school to study abroad or do volunteer work rather than going straight to college. I was really immature at 18, and I think it would have helped for me to have an extra year of life experience before going on to college. I probably would have taken less time to actually graduate, come to think of it.

But going through tough times in college made me who I am now (blah blah blah) so I guess I wouldn't change anything.

3. What are some of your nicknames? Tell us the stories behind them.
Well, in real life, my name is Sandra (I just blew your mind, Internets, didn't I?*), so my most common nicknames are Sandy (my family), Sandy-Panda (my favorite aunt), and Sandra D (most everyone else. And they all think they're being original, too, bless their hearts). My sister calls me "S," which is short for Sandra or Sister (which is, oddly, what my nephew calls me). My ex-boyfriend calls me Jerkface. (Don't really know where that one comes from...) One of my friends from high school calls me Roadblock. (Sophomore year, I sat in front of him in chemistry class and he always had to wait for me to get up before he could get out of his seat.) Many, many people have called me "Biscuit" or "Biscuit-Butt," which (I hope) is a play on my last name and not a comment on my derrière.

But really, I prefer "Sandra." Or "Jane," if the Internets is involved**.

4. What is one of your own favorite physical features and why? Also, you should show us a picture (if appropriate).
I really like my feet, because they're small, but I wouldn't call them one of my favorite physical features because 1.) I have high insteps, narrow heels, and sensitive skin, which make it hard to find shoes that fit well, and 2.) I don't really want people coming to my blog for "foot pictures."

So, we'll go with my hair. Despite the occasional bad haircut, it usually looks good curly, wavy, or straight:



5. When and why was the last time you cried?
I am a major crier. It does not take much to get me going. Lately I have been getting choked up over things that make me happy (puppy stories in the news, etc).

The last time I full-on ugly cried was watching WALL-E. When EVE sees the footage of WALL-E taking care of her on Earth when he thought her batteries were dead? I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Bonus question: Who is John Galt?
He's the hero from "Atlas Shrugged." It's Achilles' favorite book.

This concludes the question and answer portion of this post. Please feel free to berate me in the comments, Internets.***

Love always,
Jane

*Just kidding, I don't really have a real life.
**I originally planned to be totally anonymous online, due to various boring stalkatory reasons. Then a bunch of people I knew outside of the Internets started reading my blog, and I decided to be less anonymous. I still prefer to keep my distance from random Googlers, though.
***Please don't berate me in the comments.

Cedar Fever Ugh-ness

Dear Cedar Fever,

Darn you. Darn you right in the ear. It is 77 degrees for the next two days in Austin. Am I outside enjoying the weather? No, I'm inside running a fever and feeling like there's a jackhammer pounding on my left eyeball from inside my brain.

You are the devil. I'm going to go replace the air filter and run the fan in hopes that it will help get some of your evil spores out of the air.

Not your friend,
Jane

Bullet Points of Sleepiness

Dear Internets,

I'm sleepy today, so you get bullet points. Yay bullet points! Right? Sigh...

• Watching Bailey play outside yesterday made me really want to buy a house with a yard.
• Sadly, I think it's condo city for the Distractible family for the foreseeable future.
• Anyway, I think if we had a yard, Achilles would want to get a German Shepherd puppy, and I'm kind of intimidated by German Shepherds.
• Also, German Shepherds are *really* hairy.
• Cold fronts make me sleepy.
• I want to go see my nephew at lunch, but I'm kind of afraid he'll knock me down.
• Shush up, he's really strong for a 2-year-old.
• Despite being sleepy, I feel oddly compelled to do the "Single Ladies" dance around my office. I think that might perk me up.
• I'm probably sleepy because I haven't been eating well. I need to remember to take time to take care of myself.
• I think I may have watched too much Oprah over the holiday break.
• I also may have watched too much HGTV over the break. I have a strong desire to scrape down all the popcorn texture from my ceilings, and then re-texture and repaint them. I am not sure this is within my capabilities as a do-it-yourself-er.
• Should I go on an Alaskan cruise with my parents, grandma, and aunt this spring?
  

Love,
j

Love notes

Dear Donuts,

Shhh.... You don't have to tell anyone about our secret rendezvous. It'll just be between us.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Pants,

Please stop inching up around my ankles to reveal my bumblebee socks. It's probably not professional.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Bailey,

I'm glad you enjoyed being dropped off at the house with the giant yard this morning. Please don't bark all day.

Love,
Mama

***

Dear Jane,

Please stop referring to yourself as your dog's "mama." It's pretty effing creepy. Your boyfriend reads this blog.

Sincerely,
The Universe

***

Dear Universe,

Please send more donuts.

Love,
Jane

If I had a nickel for every time they said they'd wrap the storyline up in a movie

Dear Internets,

Is it possible that I am some sort of angel of death for quality television programming? I begin watching a show from the first episode (I think that's the key) and fall in love with its characters and quirky originality. Critics rave about the show, I set my DVR, choruses of angels and bluebirds sing.

Then the network brutally axes the show mid-storyline, offering vague promises of "a movie or comic book that will tie things up," and I never hear anything again.

RIP Pushing Daisies. (And Veronica Mars. And My So-Called Life. Etc.)

Love,
Jane