Thoughts on diction

I just saw a sign at a bank that said "Servicing Austin for over 14 years!"

I guess that's technically correct, but I would have gone with "serving Austin" myself. I don't really want to think about my bank "servicing" me. Maybe my mind is in the gutter, but the wording made me immediately think of things I don't want my bank doing to me. [I encourage banking-related puns in the comments.]

The wording on the sign reminded me of a customer service promotion at the grocery store that drove me absolutely bonkers:

Managers: We want you to provide OUTRAGEOUS customer service!"
Jane: Really. Outrageous. You're sure about that?
Managers: Absolutely! We want our customers to TALK about the service they get here.
Jane: Um, I think customers not talking about us at all would be better than having them call our customer service "outrageous."
Managers: Silly girl.
Jane: Oh whatever.

As tempted as I was to actually provide "outrageous" customer service, I was too much of a chicken. Oh well.

P.S. On a tangentially related note, is 14 years really a long time? Am I just getting old?

SXSW Etiquette

Dear SXSW-ers,

Welcome to Austin! Thank you for coming to visit our fair city and dump lots of money into our local economy. We really appreciate it! Here are a few things you should know about visiting Austin:

• It's 70 degrees outside right now with no clouds in the sky. No, the weather is not always this nice. We go weeks at a time with 100+ degree weather in the summer.
• Besides, once you've lived here for a few years, you'll develop severe seasonal allergies that will often prevent you from venturing outside to enjoy the nice weather when we do happen to have it.
• Yes, the traffic is usually this bad.
• Yes, we do have scorpions. And giant flying cockroaches.
• No, we don't want you to move here. Why do you ask?
• If you go to a greasy hole-in-the-wall restaurant, it is considered rude to order off the menu. If you want a whole wheat tortilla with unseasoned white meat chicken, lettuce and tomato, you should probably just make it yourself.
• Everything tastes better with queso.
• We can tell you're from out of town even though you're dressed like a Slackers fanboy (or fangirl). Perhaps it's your aura, or the way you talk. More likely it's because you ironed your blue jeans.
• Even though you're on vacation, we're not. Please stay out of the way of commuters.
• Don't insult breakfast tacos, Bevo, Willie Nelson, or the rest of Texas (only we get to pick on our brother and sister cities), and we should all get along just fine.

Enjoy your stay!

Love,
Jane

Jane in real life

Dear Internets,

Howdy! If you're going to be in Austin during the next two weeks, I'd love to have a chance to meet you at one of the following:

1. The 20 Something Bloggers/Glass SXSWi happy hour.
2. My comedy class performance (as long as you promise not to heckle me.)
   
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I have many updates to make later this week when I'm not running around like a headless chicken.

XOXO,
Jane

Hazards of working 3 blocks from SXSW

Dear Internets,

As I was walking to the library this morning, a truck carrying five or six Port-a-Potties passed me. Fluids were dripping off the back of the truck that smelled suspiciously like the chemicals that go in the -ahem- potty portion of the Port-a-Potty.

My question is this: those had to be new/fresh Port-a-Potties, right? They wouldn't transport leaky used ones around town like that... right? It would be a public health hazard or something, right?

Yours (and yearning for a shower),
Jane

Cedar Fever Ugh-ness

Dear Cedar Fever,

Darn you. Darn you right in the ear. It is 77 degrees for the next two days in Austin. Am I outside enjoying the weather? No, I'm inside running a fever and feeling like there's a jackhammer pounding on my left eyeball from inside my brain.

You are the devil. I'm going to go replace the air filter and run the fan in hopes that it will help get some of your evil spores out of the air.

Not your friend,
Jane

Ah-choo

Dear Cedar Fever,

Please go away. You are the worst part about living in Austin.

No love for you,
Jane

P.S. Mold - you are a close second.

ACL Fest-trations

Dear Internets,

There will be 5-6 people (and my 65-lb dog) staying at my two bedroom condo this weekend for ACL Fest.

Um, it seemed like a good idea when A asked if it would be OK? (Also, there was a free ticket involved...)

I have spent the last few days furiously cleaning. And by cleaning, of course, I mean making sure that my files are in order, none of my toiletries are expired, and my CD's are all in their proper cases. Because who cares if there's a ring around the bathtub when there is a W2 from 2004 stuck in with the mortgage paperwork from 2007?

(Um, I don't do well under pressure. Ahem. Also, there is no ring around the bathtub. Anymore.)

On the brighter side of things, in about 48 hours I will (hopefully) be dancing and singing blissfully along with the Old 97's. [Dear Rhett Miller, if you're reading this, I probably won't make it nearly as close to the front of the stage as I usually get. In fact, I may even watch from the "chairs" section in the back. It doesn't mean I don't still love you guys. ACL is just hotter and more elbow-y than most Old 97's shows. XOXO, Jane] One of our friends from Arkansas who is staying with us is also a huge Old 97's fan, and A really likes them too. I am hoping the show will make the whole (stressful) weekend worth it.

I haven't gone through and picked out the other shows I want to see. This is the schedule:

Day 1
Day 2
Day 3

Who should I check out? Are there any awesome bands I shouldn't miss? Have I reached the age where the little teenagers and college kids are going to laugh at my creepy old-person-dancing?

I have to miss a big chunk of Sunday because I have to work, but I'll probably appreciate a break from the heat at that point. I was hoping the nicer cooler weather would last, but no dice: highs will be in the 90's (34 C). That's better than a few years ago, though, when the official high was 108 (42.2 C). Mmm.... sweaty hipsters (and hippies - we still have a few of those).

Love always,
Jane

Things that don't surprise me, pt. 1

Dear Austin,

Forbes magazine named you the "Hardest Drinking City in America." This does not surprise me. This past weekend, while I worked at my second job and drafted future blog posts, most of my friends were out on the river tubing and binge drinking.

Most of the news articles I've read blame Austin's student population for this dubious honor. However, as a true native Austinite, I blame MTV's "The Real World: Austin" and "all those expensive condos going up downtown."

Anyway, Austin... Enjoy the notoriety while it lasts. One of these days, you'll stop being so trendy.

Love always,
Jane