Who know what evil lurks in the hearts of appliances?

Dear Oven,

Why are you no longer cooking things evenly? I have even started using the $30 cookie sheet. Doesn't that make you feel like a nice, classy oven that works fabulously?

I hope I won't be replacing my fourth* appliance since moving in.

Your friend,
Jane

*Or fourth and fifth, rather, since I'd probably also need to replace the above-the-stove microwave.

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Dear $30 cookie sheet,

I still don't understand why you cost $30. And you don't even fit in my cabinets. But I think I like you anyway.

Love,
Jane

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Dear Jane,

Stop eating cookies.

Love,
Your Waistline

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Dear Waistline,

I eat to fill the void left in my heart when the Internets decides to only hang out with the cool kids.

Love,
Jane

P.S. Actually, that's a lie. I just like cookies.

***

Dear Internets,

Lies or not, I hear it's delurking day/week/year. Say hello! Tell me the secret to keeping old appliances from running away with my savings! Tell me your favorite flavor of cookie!

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love,
Jane