Ocho

Kim tagged me for a meme earlier this week. This was AWESOME because I have been super grouchy all week. I really don't like to write grouchy blog posts, but I get even grouchier when I don't write. Her timing couldn't have been better.

1. When was the last time you played air guitar? Come on, I’m not asking you to admit you still listen to Def Leppard.

I really don't know. I am more of an impromptu interpretive dancer than an air guitar player. I come up with interpretive dances almost daily. They usually also involve re-working the lyrics to TV theme songs so that they incorporate Bailey. Bailey enjoys dancing along.

[To the tune of the "FAME" theme song]
BALES!
He's gonna dance in the kitchen...
He's gonna shed on the floor...
(FLOOR!)
We really neeeed to vacuum...
But that is kind of a chore...
BALES!
Plus Bales is scared of the vacuum...
He'll probably bark 'til he's sore...

Both Achilles and Bailey really enjoy this. I promise.

2. What’s the oldest thing in your fridge?

Probably some sort of condiment that Achilles bought at some point. I am not a huge fan of crazy soy sauces or fancy BBQ sauces (unless they are homemade), so I tend to ignore those. I should probably check some of the expiration dates.

3. Vampires, zombies or please make it stop?

Hmmm... If you had asked me a few months ago, I probably would have said zombies. Now I'm just sick of it all. GIANT YAWN.

I do still think someone needs to find a way to make zombies sexy, because that would be hilarious. I mean, vampires are undead blood drinkers and people are all over that. If I have to hear about the undead all the time, I should at least get to hear things that are amusing and weird.

4. If you had to change your current profession, and could be anything, what would you do?

I'd be a teacher, at least for the next several years. I fully intend to change careers several more times in my lifetime, though. (So far, I've spent a few years each as a bookkeeper, a banker, a manager, and a programmer-type person. I'm so boring!)

5. Undergarment of choice?

I like undershirts a lot. I think they're underrated. Hardy har...

6. What is the tackiest thing you own?

I try to be pretty ruthless and donate my tacky things to Goodwill so that people can turn them into Halloween costumes. I do have a pair of bright purple cargo pants that I'm reluctant to get rid of. They make me happy.

7. Summer with no air conditioning or winter with no heat?

Easy peasy - winter with no heat. I live in Texas, sillies. I barely turn my heat on in the winter anyway.

8. Desert island time: Wow, there is a band that will play whenever you snap your fingers and OMG, it’s your favorite! Who is it?

The Old 97's. I heart them big.

I'm feeling a little too shy to tag anyone today, but please feel free to consider yourself tagged if you would like to do this.

Dear Pen pal...

Dear Internets,

One of my most long-term readers and favorite bloggers, the texpat is blogging every day for Lent. I think this is awesome for two reasons:

1. I love reading her blog. She's a (lovely) Texan living in Germany who does crafts and has a ukulele and is awesome.

2. It is not nearly as overwhelming for me to keep up with one daily blogger as it is to keep up with a zillion during NaBloPoMo. Also, I think a lot of you that have stopped blogging as often right now, perhaps due to the things you have given up for Lent. (Chocolate? Caffeine? Where have you gone, Internets???)

Anyhoodles, I asked her a bunch of questions today as though I were her new pen pal. I figured it might be fun to answer the questions myself here, since I sort of think of the Internets as my pen pal.

Do you like pets? Do you have any pets?
Yes, I like pets. I'm allergic to almost everything with fur, although I am usually fine with inside dogs as long as they aren't too licky (I break out in hives when I come in contact with dog or cat saliva, but that doesn't stop me from cuddling even the slobberiest of dogs). I have a dog, Bailey, and a betta fish, Valentino. There's a snail in Valentino's tank named Olive, but I don't really consider her a pet, because she's not very interactive. (She did once lay pink eggs when I added pink gravel to the tank. That was weird.)

What is your favorite season?
Fall, I think, although spring and winter really aren't bad in Texas. We get a lot of really nice weather seven or eight months out of the year. (Nice weather, to me, is anything that's not extremely hot or cold.)

What is one thing you *don’t* miss about Texas?
It's waaaaaay cliche to say this, but if I moved away, I would not miss the heat, especially in August and September, when it gets kind of extreme. I also wouldn't miss the fact that Texas seems to attract a lot of (sometimes very) crazy people.

Do you like silly gifts, sincere gifts, or monetary gifts best?
I like to give either silly or sincere gifts, depending on my relationship with the person. As far as receiving gifts? I don't really enjoy receiving gifts at all; it makes me feel awkward. Anything but gift cards is OK, though. I don't mind the idea of gift cards, but I'm not good about keeping up with them.

If you had to get a tattoo on your upper arm, what would you get and why?
I'm not a tattoo person (too distractible), so I don't know why I asked this question. I guess I would get something that l thought was pretty so that I didn't have to explain some sort of deeper meaning to every stranger that asked. Maybe some sort of vine/flowers (not all the way around) or maybe a curvy tree.



***

In other news, thanks for being my blog usability guinea pigs. I think you all had great comments and suggestions. I'm going to fix everything I can as soon as I get to a computer that isn't a laptop. (For some reason, I need a real mouse if I'm going to mess with computer code. Double monitors also help. Gosh, I'm a nerd.)

Hope you're having a wonderful day, Internets! Feel free to answer/ask any pen pal questions you think of, and definitely go check out the texpat.

Love,
Jane

P.S. As part of my blog redesign, I'm working on making new lists of bloggers/artists I love. I took down my old blogroll because half of the people on it either stopped blogging over a year ago or changed URLs. Don't feel unloved, Internets!

Blues Clues Blues

Dear Internets,

Over the weekend, four different people told me I dress like Steve from Blues Clues.

I'm thinking this was not a compliment. However, a stranger's two-year-old daughter came up and hugged me in a restaurant, so at least my fashion choices seem to be impressing the toddler demographic.

According to my sister, it would be worse if they had said I dress like Joe. Apparently, he is way creepy.

I am off to expunge all striped shirts and khaki pants from my wardrobe.

Kisses,
Jane

25 Things about Jane: Music and Muzac

Dear Internets,

It's time for me to talk about music. Excuse me while I go hyperventilate for a few minutes...

16. Everyone in 8th grade was more popular than me, whether you were talking about cheerleaders or hippies or flannel-wearing Kurt Cobain devotees. The boy I had a crush on was even in a band (which seemed cool, because I hadn't yet learned the "never, never, never, never, never date a boy with a guitar" rule). As a first chair flutist who took a special advanced math class, I was at the absolute bottom of the social totem pole. I lived in fear of being noticed.

When we were discussing the themes of "The Pearl" in English class, my teacher Ms. Roy thought it would be a fun idea for each of us to bring our own "song of life" to share with the class. I was terrified. None of my friends were in fourth period English with me. I was just the invisible girl who sat in the back corner. This assignment would ensure I'd be visible, and not in a good way.

I had been saving my $5 a week allowance for a horse (how I made it into an advanced math class is beyond me), so I owned exactly one tape: a Randy Travis album that I'd been given for Christmas. With a great deal of trepidation, I stuck it in my backpack and tried to forget about the assignment.

A week later, our songs were "due." I decided to wait until the absolute end of class, in hopes that we'd run out of time and I wouldn't have to play my song. I could just write it down for my teacher and no one would ever have to know what I wrote.

The three most popular boys played their songs first: Smells Like Teen Spirit, Black Hole Sun, Smells Like Teen Spirit. We slowly made our way through the rest of the class' songs. Shoop, Regulate, The Sign, Yellow Submarine. I began to sweat. There was no way I was going to be able to play a three year old country song. Everyone was so much cooler than me.

I had one last hope: Lucy, a cheerleader who got away with listening to country music because of her freakishly good looks. She put her tape in the teacher's stereo.

"You sayyyy, I only hear what I want to..."

Lisa Effing Loeb. I was doomed. I hid the Randy Travis tape deep in my backpack.

A small enclave of tie-dyed neo-hippies sat near my corner of the room. Caroline (Sweet Caroline, of course) turned around. "What song did you bring?" she asked.

"Um..." I said. "I forgot to bring one."

"You wanna borrow one of my tapes?" Caroline asked. "I brought an extra."

"Yes, please," I said. Relief washed over me. I could temporarily blend in with the hippie kids! It was musical camouflage.

Ms. Roy called my name. I handed her Caroline's tape, unsure of what I would hear. The label said "Best Mix Tape!!" so there was really no telling.

"Um..." I said. "I like this song because it reminds me of how I like to live my life." Caroline shot me a worried glance and I quickly sat down.

The song began playing. It was "Helter Skelter," by the Beatles. Ms. Roy gave me a Look and asked me to stay after class.

She ended up giving me one of those lectures that you kick yourself for later, thinking of all of the comebacks you could have used, if only you had balls (and the ability to think on your feet). I would get a zero, she said, for not taking a simple assignment seriously. We didn't have many assignments this six weeks, so my grade average would be much lower than usual. I needed to learn to be more responsible.

I made my first "C" that six weeks ("In ENGLISH?" my mother shrieked. "No daughter of mine gets a 'C' in ENGLISH.") and was grounded for a month. I never forgave Ms. Roy.

17. In a way, I feel like people define you by the music you like, so I have always answered the "what type of music do you like?" question rather awkwardly.

Really, I like just about everything. I don't like to go to live punk shows (inevitably, some jerkface always decides to start moshing in the back and ends up knocking me over), but I really like just about everything. Sometimes the adult soft rock that gets played at most office buildings makes me want to punch a DJ, but I think that's just because it's hard for me to concentrate when music is playing in the background. (It could also be that the same three Maroon 5 songs get played 26 times in four hours, but we may never know.)

Favorite songs over the years have been varied: I had a bit of a Jewel problem for a few months in high school, but that didn't stop me from jumping up to dance when "California Love" came on the radio. In college, I went through a phase where I listened to Chet Baker's "Everything Happens to Me" on repeat while crying into a pillow. Through the years I have fallen in love with a hundred different indie rockers who all end up breaking my heart in one way or another. Just when it seems like I'll listen to anything as long as it's depressing, I'll load "Toxic" into my mp3 player and go for a run.

I'm really all over the place. And I think (finally) I'm OK with that.

Happy St Patrick's Day Internets!

Love,
Jane

All about Jane

Dear Internets,

Welcome to the world of Distractible Jane! When she's not spending time with her pup (Bailey) and her boyfriend (Achilles), she can be found gallivanting around Austin . She has ridiculously good taste in movies and TV. She helped her family provide for their cow farm by milking koalas, or maybe it was the other way around. One time, she got in a fight with Emma Bunton, also known as Baby Spice. Her car is named Lola the Corolla and she has a roomba. Both of those things make her super awesome. She has a secret desire to have a Lifetime movie made of her life, but the inspirational kind, not the creepy kind. You know what I mean. And don't forget to have her tell you about the time that the condo ghosts---oooh, look, something shiny!

Love,

Gretchen Alice (who will not be held responsible for any factual inaccuracies in this biography)

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25 Things about Jane: Movies and Television

Dear Internets,

Is "what type of movies do you like?" the fourthquestion you ask when you're getting to know someone, or is it the fifth? Do you ask about television, or are you afraid that will make you seem shallow?

Personally, I have no problems expressing my opinions about movies and television, particularly when I'm on a "25 Things about me" roll. So let's get started.

14. I am willing to give most movies a shot, as long as they're not too violent and/or vapid, and at least sort of have a plot. Exceptions to the movies-I-like-can't-be-too-violent rule include Fargo, American History X, Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, and Se7en. (Se7en is also an exception to the "I don't watch movies that spell their names in stupid ways" rule.) Exceptions to the can't-be-vapid rule include Dirty Dancing and most romantic comedies starring John Cusack.

I prefer that movies have happy endings, because deep down I'm a twelve-year-old. (When I was in 8th grade, my English teacher told me that sophisticated stories don't have happy endings. I remember thinking "screw that; I guess I'll be unsophisticated.") Over time, my favorite movies have included Herself, the Elf, The Land Before Time, Sixteen Candles, Spaceballs, The Shawshank Redemption, The Wedding Singer, Life is Beautiful, High Fidelity, About a Boy, Monsters, Inc., and WALL-E.

I'm sure there are others that I am forgetting, but it really doesn't matter. You get the gist.

15. I am much less discerning about what I will watch on television. I can be sucked into just about anything. Ideally, I wouldn't have a TV at all (and would, therefore, potentially have a life), but Achilles won't let me get away with that. Instead I try to limit myself to shows I intentionally record on the DVR. Currently, I like The Office, Ugly Betty, Important Things with Dmitri Martin, and The Biggest Loser. OH! And that show about the cheerleaders that plays on Lifetime. (Yes, I'm a little ashamed of the last two, but what can you do?)

Favorite television shows over time have included Quantum Leap (don't ask), Party of Five, The X-Files, the first season of Felicity, Freaks and Geeks, and Veronica Mars. I was mesmerized by the first episode of Pushing Daisies.

Monday: music! We may just see the end of this yet!

Love,
Jane

25 Things about me: Hobbies

Dear Internets,

You probably think I spend so much time online that I don't have a real life. You would be right. However, I do have some outside interests. (Just one or two, Internets. I still love you bigtime.)

10. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I sometimes do triathlons. You might not know that I'm extremely slow at doing them. Once, the only person to finish after me was a sweet 72-year-old lady who was doing her first triathlon.

There are many reasons why I'm slow. When I'm not concentrating on not drowning or swearing that I'll never put myself through another triathlon if I can just get my bike up one last hill, I tend to start daydreaming. I pay more attention to the flowers and birds than I do to the other people racing. (Unless there's a hill; then I'm struggling to see through my tears of pain.)

I swore off triathlons after a particularly stressful triathlon season last year. I had trained more than I should have because I was trying to be faster than a somewhat-psychotic former supervisor. I didn't have time to relax, and I ended up sore and bitter. Then, about a month after my longest triathlon, one of my coaches was killed in a cycling accident. While his accident put a lot of things in perspective for me, I still felt somehow betrayed by the sport.

I'm thinking of doing a triathlon again this year though, which pretty much proves that I don't learn from past mistakes.

11. My main hobbies are making things (I like to come up with personalized gifts), baking things I can decorate, and reading. I love yoga, but don't do it consistently enough to consider it a hobby.

I recently rediscovered the awesomeness that is the public library. I am trying to read 50 books this year, but I'm sort of stuck on "Howard's End," so I don't know if I'll make it. I have a much easier time finishing mysteries.

12. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have a tendency to read the end of books first.

I trace this bad habit back to childhood, when I "borrowed" a magazine from my sister that she'd gotten at her church youth group. It was filled with stories about the importance of volunteering and the dangers of drugs and alcohol.

One story was about a girl who was dog-sitting her "nerdy" (but nice) friend's beagle, Snickers. Some "cool" (but bad) kids found out the girl's parents were out of town, and convinced her that she should have a party in her basement. Everyone was drinking beers. The girl even drank a wine cooler, figuring "it's not really alcohol, and it will help me fit in." When people started playing darts, she worried a little, but figured the "cool" kids knew what they were doing. Suddenly, she heard yelping. Snickers had been hit with a dart! At that moment, Snicker's owner, who had gotten back into town early, came down the stairs and --

I have no idea. My sister caught me reading her magazine and took it back. I was scarred for life, people. I never found out what happened to Snickers! He was probably OK, right? Darts couldn't hurt a beagle that badly, right? Right? But maybe he did die, leading the main character to forever regret straying from the path of righteousness. I WILL NEVER KNOW!!!

Ahem. Sorry. Back to my hobbies...

13. I tend to get really obsessed with a hobby for a while, and then suddenly put it on the back burner. I taught myself to knit, but haven't yet done anything more complicated than a scarf. I was briefly obsessed with betta fish, and carefully researched tanks, heaters, filters, live plants, vitamin supplements, and snail varieties until Valentino had a little betta fish palace. I got bored with teaching Bailey tricks after he learned "wave," "roll over," "high five!" and "you get to sleep in the bed with me after I have a bad dream."

I am interested in just about everything, but only to a point. After a while, I just want to try something else.

Tomorrow: movies and television. I'm on a roll, people!

Love,
Jane

25 Things About Me: General Jane

Dear Internets,

You probably thought I had gotten distracted and wasn't going to finish my "25 Things About Me" series. Well, you were wrong. Why do you have no faith in me, Internets?

(Just kidding, you were right. The guilt just got the better of me.)

Anyhoo, I thought I'd use this post to write some "general Jane" stuff, since "re-write 'About Me' page" has been on my to-do list for months now, and I'm not sure I'll ever get around to it.

(Ooh! I just had an idea. Anyone want to guest post an "About Me" page for me? You could totally make things up. I wouldn't mind. It would be a good creative writing exercise for you. Really, I'm thinking about you, Internets.)(I'm so unselfish.)

These here are the basics. Consider the next few posts Jane 101.

7. I live in Austin, Texas with my boyfriend "Achilles," my dog Bailey, and my betta fish Valentino. We live in a condo that I saved for and bought when I was 26. It has mostly been a thorn in my side, but it's nice enough.

For the most part, I have lived in Austin my entire life. (Achilles, my sister, Rhett Miller and I were all born at the same hospital.) I still think of Austin as the small city it was when I was younger. In a way, it is: between different jobs, different schools, neighbors, and my dad's former students, I see someone I know almost everywhere. This freaks out some of my friends who aren't originally from Austin.

8. My parents are still married. I have one sister, one brother-in-law, one nephew, and one niece-to-be. I have two living grandmothers, and about a million aunts, uncles, and first and second cousins. Some of my fundamentalist cousins think I'm going to hell (because I didn't get married young and go forth and multiply, among other reasons). I sometimes joke about this, but it makes me sad to know that they feel that way.

9. I'm 28, but I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up. Right now, I have two jobs: full-time computer programmer (that's not my title, but that's what I do, essentially) and part-time teacher/tutor.

If you can think of a career, I have probably considered or at least daydreamed about it at some point. (Mail carrier? Check. Dentist? Check. Professional dog walker? Check. UFC? Well, no - I'm a lover, not a fighter.) I tend to look for reasons to do something rather than reasons not to do something. I guess that makes me an optimist, but since I am interested in just about everything (as long as it's non-violent), it hasn't really led me down a finite career path. I transferred between four different colleges, and changed my major thirteen times. I finally settled on French with an art history minor because I just wanted to graduate.

My favorite job of all time was working at a living history museum/farm. Half the time, I worked as a "pioneer," milking cows, doing light farming, etc. The other half of the time, I was a camp counselor and taught arts and crafts to 4-6 and 7-9 year olds. Unfortunately, the city realized that the job was awesome and could be filled by volunteers, and cut the farm's funding.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's edition: How Jane wastes spends her free time.

Love,
Jane

25 Things About Me: Food Edition

Dear Internets,

I think the stereotypical getting-to-know-you question (after "where are you from?") is "what's your favorite food?"

I always feel weirdly anxious answering that question. I never know if I should go with something simple, like pizza, or something more unusual, like Indian food. With the former, I feel like I'm running the risk of seeming unadventurous; with the latter, I worry about sounding pretentious.

3. Truthfully, I'm not a very picky eater. I will at least try almost anything, with the exception of certain organ meats. I eat most vegetables and meats. I sometimes get a little squeamish about eating anything that looks too much like it did when it was alive (roast pig, fish that still have their eyes, certain shellfish, etc.) because I was a vegetarian for six years and it's hard to eat something that still has a face.

4. I read somewhere that researchers have located a gene that determines whether or not you like bitter foods. I think I must have the gene: I love dark chocolate, I like dark beer, and I could happily eat steamed broccoli every day for the rest of my life. I think brussels sprouts taste like feet, though, so maybe not.

5. Despite my love for broccoli, my favorite food in the world is probably lime juice, with lemon juice coming in a close second. I add them to everything: drinks, pasta, chili, cookies... Lemon and lime juice are Nature's perfect seasonings. Or something.

6. If I had to rank my taste preferences in order, I'd probably say sour, salty, savory, bitter and then sweet. I like sweets fine, but I don't particularly crave them. Despite this, I love to bake desserts, especially ones that I can decorate. I'm taking my first cake decorating class in March, and I'm super excited. Today cupcakes, tomorrow the world.

Hopefully you won't think my food preferences are too freaky Internets, and you'll still want to be my friend. If it helps, I'd be happy to make you cupcakes.

Love always,
Jane

25 Things About Me: Thing 2

Dear Internets,

I had an epiphany the other day: I'm kind of afraid of squirrels.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking. "Squirrels? They're cute little woodland animals! They have big fluffy tails! They hardly ever get rabies! What is wrong with you?"

Well Internets, the answer to that question is "many things." But why am I afraid of squirrels? I think it comes down to one thing: I don't trust them. Sure, squirrels are cute, but so are Leprechauns.


What a squirrel looks like, on the inside.

There's just something funny about the way squirrels look at you. It's like they're thinking to themselves "fight or flight?" and seriously considering the "fight" option. Some of them even look at you like they want to crack you open Willy Wonka style to see if you're a bad nut. At any rate, the gleam in their beady little eyes is off-putting.



Last Friday afternoon, I turned a corner between the third and fourth floors of the parking garage at work, and found myself three feet away from a very trapped-looking squirrel. Now I understand that a parking garage is kind of a squirrel house of horrors*, but this one looked at me like he wanted to take me out Griswold Family Christmas-style. I had to back slowly down two flights of stairs before he finally ran off.

My mild squirrel phobia is not a recent development. I've always been sort of uncomfortable around squirrels, especially the ones that are a little *too* comfortable around people. When I was at UT, it was considered good luck to see an albino squirrel on the day of an exam. Thus, any vaguely white squirrel within a five mile radius had been hand-fed for so long that any trace of fear of humans had long since been wiped away. I once saw a squirrel hop onto the lap of a tiny old professor and demand a peanut butter sandwich. It was like a horrible, real-life version of "You Give a Mouse a Cookie."

Maybe I'm wrong, and squirrels wouldn't secretly like to take over the world one smallish person at a time. But I'm not taking any chances.



Love,
Jane

P.S. I was going to call this post "25 Things About Me: Sper*ophile Edition," but I didn't want my site to get banned from anyone's work computer.

*The parking garage is sort of a house of horrors in general, actually. There are all sorts of rabid bats and things there.

25 Things About Me: Thing 1

Dear Internets,

My weekend was lovely. Achilles and I spent Saturday afternoon getting barbecue at Black's BBQ in Lockhart. The deer heads on the wall of the restaurant were decorated with pink balloons and garlands made out of hearts. The food was delicious. It was delightful. Sunday, Achilles made me dinner (lobster pasta) and I gave him his Valentine's present*.

***

In other news, over the weekend I got tagged several times for that "25 Things About Me" post on Facebook. I'm a little too disorganized to keep up with blogs in two places, so I thought I'd just write my list over here. So without further ado:

1. I am easily distracted. (I know, shocker, right?) As much as I love listmaking, I have little patience for reading lists 25 items long, let alone writing them.

Given the sad reality of item #1, I'm going to break this list into multiple posts, and spend a little (but not a lot) more time on each item. (I apologize to anyone whose attention span is longer than mine.)

I hope you'll decide to stick with me, Internets.

Love always,
Jane

*Achilles' Valentine's gift: I got a little bowl from Target (confidential to readers: on sale!)(confidential to Achilles: I'm thrifty. That's OK, right?), and filled it with Hershey's Kisses. I replaced all the white tags with unique things I like about Achilles, like "You let me have the last Diet Pepsi" and "You don't complain when I ask you to carry heavy grocery baskets, even though you suggested we just get a cart in the first place." I think he liked the gift. (I came up with the list of 75 or so things about a month ago, but didn't know exactly what type of Valentine's gift I was going to incorporate the list into. Thanks to J-Money for the inspiration!)

Borrowed idea

Dear Internets,

Because it's Friday, and my brain is already on weekend mode, I thought I'd borrow an idea from the wonderful Hillary and tie up some of the loose ends I've left on this blog over the past few weeks. If I leave anything out or if you have any other random questions, let me know. I'll do my best to address them before too much time goes by. No promises, though...

• I'm glad to know that I am not the only person who hates conflict (I'm especially glad to hear I'm not the only person who cries when people yell at me). Some of you have awesome techniques for dealing with arse-holes.
• The Wordpress spam filter still hates me. I like to leave comments, and it bums me out to get sent to spam. I always forget to check the blog host, and the more comments I leave that get left in spam folders, the more Aksimet thinks I'm a spammer. So what all that is leading up to is that while I don't want to be a jerky blogger, I think I'm going to unsubscribe from the blogs that still aren't letting my comments through. (If we've emailed each other about this, or if you're a regular commenter on my blog, don't worry. This does not apply to you. I heart you.)
• The condo ghosts still hate my appliances. My oven is still working (ish), and will go unreplaced for now. My new high efficiency washer and dryer arrive next week. Bailey got overly excited and fell on the (recently replaced) dishwasher door a while back, so it doesn't close properly unless you give it a little hip bump. It still works, though, so I'm not going to replace it. (Take that, condo ghost! Ha HA.)
• It is still nice and warm in Austin. The high is supposed to be 82 degrees F (27.7 C) today. (Remind me about this next August.)
  
• I have gotten my hair cut several times since I first posted about it. So far, I haven't been re-mulleted, and my hair is now quite long. I want bangs, but can't have them since I have curly hair and would end up looking like a French poodle. (One day, I'll show you a picture of my 6th grade poodle days.) So boo for that.
  
• Cedar fever is still the devil.
  
• I still haven't scraped the popcorn off the ceilings at my condo. It was painted over (surprise surprise) by the previous owners, which apparently makes it almost impossible to get off. Grr.
• The Universe has not yet sent me donuts. I remain hopeful.
• I'm still working on that "29 before 29" post.
  
• My sister is pregnant! Somehow I didn't announce that to the Internets. So I'm going to be an aunt squared, or something. Woot!
  
• Achilles' beer turned out pretty good. The smell of hops has finally faded away.
• The Roomba works on carpet, but not really on hard floors.
  

That's as far as I got in the archives. I was afraid if I navel-gazed any more, I'd never extract my head from my stomach.

Have a wonderful weekend Internets!

Love,
Jane

In which I come clean to the Internets

Dear Internets,

Shannon, who writes one of my favoritest blogs ever, doaleigh, offered an opportunity to participate in a really cool question and answer meme. The 411:

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Shannon, unsurprisingly, came up with some really good questions. Without further ado:

1. Would you rather be beautiful but always smell terrible or be ugly but smell lovely?
This is a tough question. I guess I would go with being beautiful but smelling terrible. The reason I say this is that sometimes I rinse my hair with apple cider vinegar (it gets rid of product buildup and leaves my hair shiny and my curls manageable). It smells awful (ask Achilles) but looks great.

CAVEAT: if we're talking "personal odor," I would rather smell lovely and be ugly than have bad BO.

2. The old adage says to regret nothing, and that's probably true. But if you could change something you've done, what would it be and why?
I would have taken a year off after high school to study abroad or do volunteer work rather than going straight to college. I was really immature at 18, and I think it would have helped for me to have an extra year of life experience before going on to college. I probably would have taken less time to actually graduate, come to think of it.

But going through tough times in college made me who I am now (blah blah blah) so I guess I wouldn't change anything.

3. What are some of your nicknames? Tell us the stories behind them.
Well, in real life, my name is Sandra (I just blew your mind, Internets, didn't I?*), so my most common nicknames are Sandy (my family), Sandy-Panda (my favorite aunt), and Sandra D (most everyone else. And they all think they're being original, too, bless their hearts). My sister calls me "S," which is short for Sandra or Sister (which is, oddly, what my nephew calls me). My ex-boyfriend calls me Jerkface. (Don't really know where that one comes from...) One of my friends from high school calls me Roadblock. (Sophomore year, I sat in front of him in chemistry class and he always had to wait for me to get up before he could get out of his seat.) Many, many people have called me "Biscuit" or "Biscuit-Butt," which (I hope) is a play on my last name and not a comment on my derrière.

But really, I prefer "Sandra." Or "Jane," if the Internets is involved**.

4. What is one of your own favorite physical features and why? Also, you should show us a picture (if appropriate).
I really like my feet, because they're small, but I wouldn't call them one of my favorite physical features because 1.) I have high insteps, narrow heels, and sensitive skin, which make it hard to find shoes that fit well, and 2.) I don't really want people coming to my blog for "foot pictures."

So, we'll go with my hair. Despite the occasional bad haircut, it usually looks good curly, wavy, or straight:



5. When and why was the last time you cried?
I am a major crier. It does not take much to get me going. Lately I have been getting choked up over things that make me happy (puppy stories in the news, etc).

The last time I full-on ugly cried was watching WALL-E. When EVE sees the footage of WALL-E taking care of her on Earth when he thought her batteries were dead? I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Bonus question: Who is John Galt?
He's the hero from "Atlas Shrugged." It's Achilles' favorite book.

This concludes the question and answer portion of this post. Please feel free to berate me in the comments, Internets.***

Love always,
Jane

*Just kidding, I don't really have a real life.
**I originally planned to be totally anonymous online, due to various boring stalkatory reasons. Then a bunch of people I knew outside of the Internets started reading my blog, and I decided to be less anonymous. I still prefer to keep my distance from random Googlers, though.
***Please don't berate me in the comments.

2008: A year in review

Dear Internets,

I suppose it's still a bit early for a "year in review" post, but I saw this on Harrassed Single Mom's site and liked it. I decided to take out some of the questions in case the Internets' attention span is as short as mine.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I completed my first Danskin triathlon. I had done other triathlons, but this was my first (and probably last) Danskin.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I don't really remember my New Year's resolutions, but I think I resolved to get into better shape. I got into better shape... and slowly, slowly declined almost back to square one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but my sister got pregnant.

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I feel truly fortunate - I don't feel that I lacked anything important in 2008. I wouldn't complain if someone gave me a Sleeptracker, though.

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 30th - Ran the entire Capitol 10K - with the stomach flu.
June 2nd - I started a new job.
June 8th - Completed the Danskin.
June 13th - Achilles got laid off.
June 28th - my triathlon coach was killed in an accident.
(June was a stressful month.)
September 14th - Achilles moved in.
November 4th - One word: Obama.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Sticking with this blogging thing. Paying off one of my student loans. Making the two job thing work.

7. What was your biggest failure in 2008?
Probably dropping out of my half marathon training program.

8. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage payments. Woo! Exciting.

9. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier.
b) Thinner or fatter? About the same.
c) Richer or poorer? Richer, I suppose, but this time last year I had just bought my condo, so it's not really a good comparison.

10. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Travel.

11. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Work. Worry. Feel sad.

12. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I was already in love, and still am. (Don't vomit, Internets.)

13. What was your favorite TV program?
Ugly Betty, Pushing Daisies, The Office.

14. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. Wow! Good for me!

15. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I kept it low key, and just went to dinner with close friends. I was/am 28.


16. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lotto? I can't really think of much. I had ups and downs, but overall, I feel very lucky and fulfilled.

17. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Lazy business professional.

18. What kept you sane?
At different times - Achilles, my friends, my family, running, the Internets.

19. What political issue stirred you the most?
The 2008 U.S. Presidential election.

20. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a ton of wonderful new people through training, my new job, blogging, Achilles, and just in general. I feel very fortunate to have so many great people in my life.

I feel especially lucky to have met my triathlon coach, Michael. He was an extraordinary kind and giving person.

21. Tell us what valuable life lessons you learned in 2008.
Life is short. Don't wait to start living.

I may still do a "best blog posts of '08" post, if I have the energy. I hope you have a wonderful day, Internets!

Love,
Jane

Maybe celebrity years are like dog years...

Dear Britney Spears,

Why did you have to be born on my birthday?

I don't think 28 is old at all. Well, at least not until I look at you. I mean, you're a year younger than me, and you've already gotten famous, seen your star begin to fall a bit, gotten married, had two babies, gone mental, gotten divorced, been to rehab, made out with Madonna, and gotten your life "back on track." I mean, none of that really appeals to me (at least not at the moment, except maybe the getting my life back on track part), but you're starting to make me feel like I haven't accomplished anything in life.

I guess I do have a pretty sweet Corolla to show for the years I spent in school and working rather than pursuing a pop music career. Ha HA! Take that, Britney!

Happy birthday anyway.

Love,
Jane

P.S. Internets - I will officially turn 28 in less than 18 hours. I figure at that point, I will have to start considering myself an adult. (Dammit.) Any suggestions for things to do before I'm officially in my late twenties?

Biting my tongue

Dear Internets,

I decided to tag myself on a meme today to avoid talking about things I shouldn't talk about on my blog. (Don't worry - they are not interesting things; they're mostly just whiny things.)

I decided to modify the meme a little in the interest of over-sharing. So, without further ado, I present:

Six embarrassing things you (probably) don't know about me

1. I had an unhealthy obsession with My Little Ponies as a child. I (secretly) played with mine until well into middle school.
2. I can't stand mini paper clips. I just don't understand the point of a paper clip that can only hold two or three pages together. But they're so utterly recyclable, I feel guilty just throwing them away. So if I have mini paper clips, I always try to use them first.
3. I have an addiction to self improvement books. I never really follow their instructions (and thus, they are pretty much completely useless to me), but I still can't stop reading them. Also, I really like those "how I changed my life in one year using some ridiculous premise" memoirs.
4. I went through a phase where I bought dental floss almost every time I went to the grocery store, because I could never remember if I was running low or not. I still have about 8 rolls left. Same with deodorant. I won't run out until 2012.
5. I have been too afraid to open up my IRA statements for the past few months. So... I haven't. They are sitting unopened at the bottom of a pile of receipts by my desk at home.
6. I regret buying my condo. I feel like I bought at the worst time to buy in Austin. Also, owning a condo just makes me feel really tied down.
   

I'm not going to tag anyone with this (I think that would be kind of mean), but feel free to share your own dirty little secrets.

Love,
Jane

And one to grow on

Dear Internets,

So... You know what's happening in 8 days?

Britney Spears is releasing her album "Circus" on her 27th birthday, you say?

Well, yes, that's true. But more importantly, I am turning 28*. Cue the fireworks.

I have no idea what to do for my birthday. To be honest, I'm not feeling super festive. Turning 28 feels like I'm officially in my late twenties (27 was a little more marginal). I don't do well with the types of questions I've been asking myself lately (Am I happy? Is this where I want to be in my life? Have I accomplished the things I set out to do?) Thus, I don't really feel much like celebrating.

My first thought was to have my friends over for cupcakes and ice cream. Then I realized that I am kind of burned out on being a hostess right now. My second thought was to invite everyone to a bar for happy hour, but I'm kind of "blah" about that too. My next thought was the most appealing: just let everyone forget about it. Achilles and I will go see Jim Gaffigan and I'll have dinner with my parents, but other than that, I'll let my birthday get lost in the post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas bustle.

*CONFIDENTIAL TO MY FELLOW MATH NERDS: At least my age will be a perfect number, right?

In other news, I just tore a contact lens. My vision is 20/400 uncorrected (20/200 is considered legally blind), so I'm not sure how much work I'm going to get done today. Or how I'll get home. Whee!

Love always,
Jane

Jane, circa 1950

Dear Barbara,

You would have been me, if I'd been a teenager in the 1950's.



No wonder so many women with ADD are depressed.

Love,
Jane

P.S. The narrator is a real jerk about drumming your fingers, but you probably got it from your mom (5:35). Hmpf.
P.P.S. I think I fixed the code so that the video would stop auto-playing any time the page loads. Please let me know if it didn't work.

Joker laid an egg

Dear Internets,

This just in: I'm still sleepy, and I can't stop singing goofy Christmas songs.

I don't think I can keep blaming time change for my mental fogginess; in fact, I think my daze is a result of the training I've been in this week. I'm taking a course to learn C# and .Net.

Learning a computer language in a week might not be too difficult for the average person, but I have the following things working against me:

• I was a French/Art History major who thought it would be more practical to take geology classes to fulfill my science credits requirement than it would be to take computer science classes, and thus, I have a relatively small amount of programming experience.
• My brain is only slightly larger than a pea.

Therefore, my brain is pretty much full. All I have really had energy to do during the evenings is sit around and hum. (Yesterday I did manage to go get my hair cut, although I sat through my appointment in a daze. The stylist could not seem to stop fluffing my hair. "What a great curl!" she kept saying. I left looking like I'd stuck my finger in an electrical outlet.) If I held my knees and rocked back and forth, I'm pretty sure I'd rock myself to sleep.

Jingle bells, Batman smells.

Earlier, as I was humming "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," I remembered that as a child, I operated under the assumption that the story behind the song was set in Texas. I don't know what reminded me about that, but man, I was one misguided kid.

Nevermind that it rarely snows in Texas, let alone on Christmas Eve, or that I didn't meet anyone who drank eggnog until I was 17; Grandma was clearly from the Lone Star State. I am pretty sure I believed that people outside of Texas didn't have grandmothers and waited for Père Noël instead of Santa. (I also spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about tourists who wanted to "mess with" my state, but that is neither here nor there, except that WOW, look at what advertising DOES to children.)

Hmmm... I thought that I had a point there, but I think I forgot what it was.

I am going to go to bed now.

Love always,
Jane

A is for Achilles

Dear Internets,

As I hinted earlier, I am going to change A's name on this blog. I couldn't have picked a worse one letter nickname if I tried.* Since "A" is an article, it is downright difficult to refer to my manfriend (hee) and still sound literate. (Case in point: "This is A's pumpkin." I might as well say, "Hellos potential new readers, I's can write real good.")

From here on out, I'm going to refer to "A" as Achilles. But wait! Before you run away saying, "OH EM GEE BARF! She totally thinks this guy is her hero**! Ick," let me explain.

Before we dated, Achilles lived in another state for undergraduate and law school. We were friends, but it's an 8+ hour drive to any other state from Austin, so we didn't exactly get to catch up over beers very often. Instead, every so often we'd send each other emails about whatever happened to be going on in our lives.

The summer before his last year of law school, Achilles tore his Achilles tendon. Achilles was bored, and I enjoyed being able to get relationship advice from a male with the click of a button, so we started emailing each other more frequently. After a friend flaked out and decided not to go to ACL Fest with me, I offered Achilles my extra ticket. He came to the festival, sparks flew, and the rest... well, we'll get to that in a later blog post, maybe.

Love,
Jane

*It wasn't actually a decision made with a lot of thought. But still. It's as bad as referring to him as "The," "El," or "Le."
**Just kidding Achilles. You're totally my hero. And now we just made the whole Internets barf. Yay!

P.S. Here are some of the emails.
P.P.S. Achilles was embarrassed, so I took off two of the emails. (Sorry...)


From: Achilles
To: Jane
Subject: Re: Austin?
jeez.. sorry it took me so long to write back! your message was very entertaining to read and quite dramatic. i totally sympathize. my life recently has been a bit of a springer episode. seriously... almost to the point where i'm ready to abandon all morality.
i really want to go to austin soon, and in fact i wanted to go this week. one problem... last weekend i played in a frisbee tournament and somebody stepped on my ankle in a game. at the moment.. i can barely walk without crutches. i went to the university health center and a doctor told me i may have ruptured my achilles tendon (which is pretty bad i guess). tomorrow i have to go to an orthopedist. hopefully he will tell me that the tendon was just badly bruised and it's just the swelling that is keeping me from moving my foot. so anyway... i'm sure i'll make it to austin at some point this summer. just a question of when.

From: Jane
To: Achilles
Subject: I think I made a "D" in Classical Mythology
Things are calming down a little. Sadly, Frenchie, who started out as kind of a Cable Guy (he would NOT leave me alone), must have changed his mind because he seems to have suddenly fallen off the face of the earth. I suppose it is for the best.

I don't know if you should trust my advice anymore, but I'll give it anyway. I think you are still a nice guy. If you weren't, you wouldn't be worried about whether or not you're a nice guy. It's normal to have a hard time with relationships. (At least, that's what seems to happen with my friends. I don't have long-term relationships. Which makes me SUPER qualified to give advice. I swear. It's the law. In Ibiza.) But maybe I am being way too preachy and should just mind my own business. And you should start dating your brother's girlfriend or your girlfriend's brother, or whatever it is they do on Springer these days.

ANYWAY. I hope your foot is okay, because you need to come to Austin to visit. I have a feeling it will make things easier for you. And also me, because I will have someone NOT CRAZY to hang out with.

Let me know how things are going...