And now for something completely different...

• Turning 30 was not so bad after all. As I told Kim on Twitter, it really just means that my next major birthday is 33 (when I celebrate the end of Prohibition). The actual celebration was very low-key: my friends all left town, my coworkers forgot (they normally decorate cubicles for office birthdays), and Abe and my parents decided my birthday was too close to Christmas and Thanksgiving to think of creative gift ideas. It was kind of perfect.
• My main job life in general is making me insane in the membrane. It seems like every time I think I finish a project or goal, said project/goal sprouts two more heads. (Too bad it was Hercules, not Achilles, who slayed the Hydra. Hardy har.)
• I have an unhealthy obsession with Raising Hope. Watching the show is usually the high point of my week. Abe loves it too. I don't think we've had this much mutual appreciation for a TV show since Arrested Development (or maybe earlier seasons of The Office).
• Speaking of television, for the past two weeks, almost every TV show I watch (I only watch comedies/dramedies for the most part) has made me cry. Is that normal?

On my doorstep this morning...

Pink peonies, tulips, and Gerbera daisies... I really do have awesome friends.

(Abe was the one who found the flowers. He said he was tempted to throw away the card and say they were from him. I'm pretty sure he knows these are my three favorite flowers, but finding them out of season in my favorite color? I think I would have figured out that my friend Lyndee had something to do with it.)

It's time for me to start looking on the bright side again, Internets. Here's to the next three decades!

Biting the bullets

Yes, it is that time again. I have let myself get so discombobulated (love that word) through lack of blog posting that my only hope for ever moving forward is to attempt to re-combobulate myself through the use of bullet points and bad pun blog titles.

This is the current status of various aspects of my life:

• Job situation - If you are annoying even yourself with your self-absorption, chances are, you're probably beginning to alienate some of your readers. At any rate, I don't want to turn this into an unemployment blog, so after this update, I'm going to put a lid on this subject for a while. Since my last post, I took a test to see if I qualify for a teaching program, interviewed for a job, and signed up for a mandatory "transitions workshop" for the group of people who were laid off by my employer. The test went pretty well (I think). I thought the interview went badly. It reminded me of getting dressed up for a date with a guy that you're not that interested in, and then getting rejected because the guy is still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. (Oddly, that made me more interested in the job than I initially thought I was. Old habits?) I am sure the transitions workshop will be magical.
• Achilles - He is still nice. I don't know why he puts up with me. Perhaps it is because I don't complain when he heads to the video store to pick up a movie we both agreed on and instead returns with something he thinks we might like better. (I sent him this article and went upstairs to reread my Anastasia books.)
  
• Stand up - I'm performing again on July 11th. Email me if you'll be in the Austin area and would like tickets.
  
• Hurricane Alex - I am normally not a fan of hurricanes, but I am enjoying the rain and cooler weather Alex has brought to Austin. I hope this doesn't cause too much trouble in the Gulf, though. (Side note - how is it possible that we've never had a hurricane Alex before? Isn't Alex a really common name?)
• Birthdays - My niece and my sister's birthday was yesterday. In some ways, I can't believe little Ellie is already a year old. In others, I can't believe how much has happened in the past year. My nephew's fourth birthday is in two weeks. I definitely can't believe how much has happened in the past four years.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets!

Potato, egg and cheese. Just a suggestion.

Dear Universe,

It has been a while since you sent me breakfast tacos. I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but I'm just sayin... A couple of tacos might be nice.

Still a huge fan,
Jane

***

Dear Daylight Saving Time,

You know how much I love you. It is so nice to leave work at the end of the day and actually see the sun still shining. I'm really going to miss that. While this extra hour of sleep and sunshine in the morning are not too shabby, I'm glad you'll make it back in time for the wedding.

See you next March.

Kisses,
Jane

***

Dear Birthday,

You are only 29 days away. Please stop that. I don't think I'm ready to be 29 yet.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear guy driving while talking on his cell phone,

I know I sometimes say I'd rather not turn 29 or 30, but they are just jokes. I do not actually want to get run over. Please hang up, drive, and watch for pedestrians.

Thanks,
Jane

Mom! and Glee!

Dear Internets,

I have been very non-posty lately, for which I apologize. I really have no excuse, except that I'm once again working 191 hours a week. Yay early retirement? One can hope.

My mom's birthday is tomorrow. She's always complaining that I don't spend enough time with her, so this is what I'm planning on doing for her gift:

"Year with Jane in a Box" - I am decorating the outside of the box with "Sad Little Mad Little Mom" cartoons (a cartoon character that I made up when my mom and I went to Ecuador)

Inside the box, I'm putting a pretty little day planner (it helps when your mom's birthday sort of matches up with a school year) and wrote in a date for us each month. I'm also putting in a little wrapped gift to symbolize each month's plans.

September - year with Jane intro (journal, pens, and camera to document the year)
October - take my nephew to dairy farm for a haunted hayride (a little cornhusk doll wearing a Halloween costume)
November - puzzle night (500 piece puzzle; we have always done puzzles together & tried to trick each other into letting the other put in the last piece. Nerds forever!)
December - 29 birthday candles and a little letter about how I will have been lucky to spend 29 years with her as my mom
January - cedar fever survival kit (benadryl, hot tea, logic games book)
February - take my nephew to the Children's Museum (a little fake admissions ticket)
March - shopping at the outlet malls (Dr Scholls inserts for her shoes)
April - hiking/picnic at McKinney Falls (bug spray)
May - Mother's Day movie night ("What's Up Doc?" - we both love that movie.)
June - Market Days in Fredericksburg (still trying to think of a little gift for this... any ideas?)

July - cooking together (little heart-shaped measuring spoons)

August - bowling (socks)

What do you think? I think she'll like it, but who knows.

Have a great weekend!
Jane

P.S. This is unrelated, but I really like that show "Glee." I can't decide whether it will be a guilty pleasure or a show I actually admit to watching. I just think it's the most amazing thing in the world when people can sing and dance and be attractive.

Belated thank you...

Dear Internets,

Thank you for the happy birthday wishes! You are the frosting on my cupcakes, the bananas in my pudding, the wind beneath my wings.

I meant to do a super-fancy birthday post - 101 things about me, 29 things to do before my 29th birthday, etc - but I fell asleep early last night. (I was a little down-in-the-dumps yesterday after spending all day at a rather depressing motivational seminar. Forget what I said about the world needing demotivational speakers; motivational speakers are depressing enough by themselves.)

Anyhoo, aside from watching what sort of felt like the decline of civilization all day, my birthday was fun. Achilles wasn't supposed to get me a present (he got me tickets to see the Jim Gaffigan Comedy Central taping this weekend), but he got me Guitar Hero World Tour and my very own wireless guitar controller. I don't like to brag, but I am kind of a Guitar Hero rockstar, and I think the wireless controller will help me reach new heights in my faux-rockstar-dom*.

I also plan to buy the fake drum set so I can also be a fake drummer. Based on what my friend Margot (who is in a real metal band in which she plays her own music at real clubs) says, this mostly means that I will show up late to practice and quit the band right when they are supposed to record an album because I got my sometimes-girlfriend pregnant. Fingers crossed!

Love always,
Jane

*Ooh! Apparently GH World Tour is compatible with Rock Band. You may not hear from me for a while Internets. I'm just warning you.

Maybe celebrity years are like dog years...

Dear Britney Spears,

Why did you have to be born on my birthday?

I don't think 28 is old at all. Well, at least not until I look at you. I mean, you're a year younger than me, and you've already gotten famous, seen your star begin to fall a bit, gotten married, had two babies, gone mental, gotten divorced, been to rehab, made out with Madonna, and gotten your life "back on track." I mean, none of that really appeals to me (at least not at the moment, except maybe the getting my life back on track part), but you're starting to make me feel like I haven't accomplished anything in life.

I guess I do have a pretty sweet Corolla to show for the years I spent in school and working rather than pursuing a pop music career. Ha HA! Take that, Britney!

Happy birthday anyway.

Love,
Jane

P.S. Internets - I will officially turn 28 in less than 18 hours. I figure at that point, I will have to start considering myself an adult. (Dammit.) Any suggestions for things to do before I'm officially in my late twenties?

And one to grow on

Dear Internets,

So... You know what's happening in 8 days?

Britney Spears is releasing her album "Circus" on her 27th birthday, you say?

Well, yes, that's true. But more importantly, I am turning 28*. Cue the fireworks.

I have no idea what to do for my birthday. To be honest, I'm not feeling super festive. Turning 28 feels like I'm officially in my late twenties (27 was a little more marginal). I don't do well with the types of questions I've been asking myself lately (Am I happy? Is this where I want to be in my life? Have I accomplished the things I set out to do?) Thus, I don't really feel much like celebrating.

My first thought was to have my friends over for cupcakes and ice cream. Then I realized that I am kind of burned out on being a hostess right now. My second thought was to invite everyone to a bar for happy hour, but I'm kind of "blah" about that too. My next thought was the most appealing: just let everyone forget about it. Achilles and I will go see Jim Gaffigan and I'll have dinner with my parents, but other than that, I'll let my birthday get lost in the post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas bustle.

*CONFIDENTIAL TO MY FELLOW MATH NERDS: At least my age will be a perfect number, right?

In other news, I just tore a contact lens. My vision is 20/400 uncorrected (20/200 is considered legally blind), so I'm not sure how much work I'm going to get done today. Or how I'll get home. Whee!

Love always,
Jane

Birthdays and Bears

Dear Paddington Bear,

Happy birthday! I had no idea that today was your 50th birthday until I clicked on your cute little picture on the Google homepage.

I always thought it would be cool to have October 13th as a birthday; sharing a date of birth with my favorite marmalade-loving bear would be even better. Instead I share my birthday with Britney Spears and Nelly Furtado. Oh well.

Love,
Jane

P.S. Hook 'em Horns!