Multiples

Dear cute Scottish waiter from lunch,

I'll send my single friends your way.

Love,
Jane

***
Dear stand-up comedy class,

Why weren't there enough students for the class to be held? Oh well, next time.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Horsies,

I'm so excited about my horseback riding class tomorrow. Even though I haven't been on a horse in 10 years, I'm really hoping it'll be fun.

LOVE you!!
Jane

***

Dear credit bureaus,

I still hate you for failing to recognize my A+ FICO score. You know where to put your Vantage Score.

Not yours,
Jane

***

Dear Jillian Michaels,

You kind of rock my socks off, even though I'm not man/woman enough to get through your workout videos without taking a water break.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Weekend,

WOOO!!!

Love,
Jane

Lunch Plans

Dear Internets,

My plan is to go to my parents' house at lunch and upload the photos from my dad's camera from the grape stomp.* However, my sister and her family have been staying with my parents for the week while they get new floors at their house. I'm not sure my two-year-old nephew will allow any sort of photo-uploading shenanigans to go down on his watch. In his mind, when aunts come over it is time to have screaming contests, sneak cookies, and watch Blue's Clues. It is not time to be reading the Internets!**

I will do my best not to let you down, Internets. You have my word.

Love,
Jane

*It is possible that I have exaggerated the interesting-ness of these photos a bit. Mostly, they are of feet. And cows.
**Vegas odds: Nephew 1, Jane 0.

Things that don't surprise me, pt. 1

Dear Austin,

Forbes magazine named you the "Hardest Drinking City in America." This does not surprise me. This past weekend, while I worked at my second job and drafted future blog posts, most of my friends were out on the river tubing and binge drinking.

Most of the news articles I've read blame Austin's student population for this dubious honor. However, as a true native Austinite, I blame MTV's "The Real World: Austin" and "all those expensive condos going up downtown."

Anyway, Austin... Enjoy the notoriety while it lasts. One of these days, you'll stop being so trendy.

Love always,
Jane

Mmmm.... Donuts...

Dear Blog,

I am going to take the day off*. And possibly eat a dang donut. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Muahahahaha....

Love,
Jane

*Take the day off from blogging. After several days of working 8 a.m. to 9:00 or 10:00 p.m., I wish I could take the day off entirely... Le sigh.

Unintentionally Funny

Dear Internets,

On my way home from my run this morning, I passed a sign inviting kids to sign up for youth cheerleading.

The name of the cheerleading squad?

Hot Balls.

No, I'm not kidding.

Shaking my head,
Jane

Hook 'em?

Dear Random Horn on the Highway,

What were you doing on the highway this morning, random horn?

You looked like one half of a set of those Cadillac horns people used to (supposedly) drive around with. (I've never seen any on a car in real life, except at Texas football games and amusement parks. And possibly once at a Hard Rock Cafe. On a school trip. Don't judge us. We were in middle school.)

If that is where you came from, where's your other half? Why were you out there all alone?

You were such a strange combination of loneliness, mysteriousness and danger. (If you were a man, I probably would have fallen in love immediately.)

I spent most of the rest of my drive trying to decide what would be a more random sight on the highway: half of a set of longhorn horns (like you) or some sort of brass horn, like a trumpet. On the one hand, a brass horn could easily fall out of a moving truck unnoticed.

On the other hand, this is Texas...

Yours bemusedly,
Jane

The Internets are out to get me

Dear Google,

I see that you have been directing people who search for "Jane + thighs" to my little blog. This is weird. Please stop.

Love,
Jane

P.S. I honestly can't remember ever talking about thighs...