Halloween in July

Dear Internets,

I need your help. Achilles is not too keen on the idea of wearing matching lederhosen for Halloween, so I've decided that we should go as Pale Force. See Exhibit A:



However, I think Achilles might just not like coordinated costumes in general. How do I convince him that we need to make this happen?

Love,
Jane

Curiosity killed the Jane

Dear Internets,

In the past two days, I have almost committed two completely different random acts of curiosity that (apparently) could have resulted in government officials with guns and warrants busting down my door. I really need to remember that just because I *can* figure out how to do something doesn't mean I should actually do it. Darn me and my and my ability to always find the work-around I wasn't supposed to know about!

(I should probably not ever be allowed to have a job that gives me any responsibility or access to anything important. Actually, I probably shouldn't even be allowed near a computer...)

It kind of reminds me of a story one of my high school teachers told. Apparently, he and some friends figured out how to convert semi-automatic rifles into fully-automatic rifles (um.... I guess the best explanation I can give you is "this is Texas..?"). He said they came very close to being hauled off by ATF agents. Fortunately the agents realized (in Mr. R's words) that they "were just a bunch of dumbass kids who didn't know any better."

Just goes to show you that you that it is possible to accidentally land yourself in federal prison. Say no to the shiny buttons kids!

Love always,
Jane

Not a good way to start the day

Dear Internets,

This was the news story that was playing on my clock radio when I woke up this morning. (Warning: link is very disturbing.) I'm going to have to start waking up to classical radio or MP3s or something.

Love,
Jane

Oh P.P.P.P.S!

Achilles got a job! I mean, a job job, not a working-at-Target-with-an-advanced-degree-and-law-license-until-the-economy-effing-recovers kind of job. (No, it doesn't have anything to do with Shell - I just love that gorilla.) That is all I will say, except that I'm super happy for him, and excited that he'll be working downtown and that I'll finally have someone to carpool with. Yay! Luchador cupcakes all around!



I will sort of miss the discount, though...

-J

Things I have learned this weekend

Dear Internets,

I have recently decided the following:

1. White chocolate ganache is not as delicious as it sounds
2. I am much better at baking and decorating cupcakes than full-sized cakes
3. This might have something to do with me being better with details than big-picture stuff
4. It probably doesn't
5. Four weeks (29 days) without a day off work doesn't do wonders for my mental health
6. I need to get my rear back to the gym
7. High school reunions stress me the eff out
8. I'm kind of glad no one I know actually got invited to my high school reunion. This meant no one could tell me where it was, so I didn't feel guilty about not going
9. It is nice to mend fences (figuratively, anyway)
10. I think my liking a television show is an indication it will be canceled before its time (Veronica Mars, Arrested Development, Pushing Daisies, Undeclared, etc, etc.)
11. Unfortunately, there probably aren't any studio executives out there willing to pay me to watch television pilots to determine which ones are destined to be brilliant but canceled
    
12. My luck is so bad that it's actually mathematically improbable that it could get any worse
13. By luck, I mean my ability to win big prizes in drawings and things. Seriously, I have lost many drawings where I represented 2 out of 3 of the entries
14. I know the mathematical improbability of my bad luck because I have tracked it on a spreadsheet
15. I am a nerd

I guess I knew that last one before this weekend. But that's OK.

Love,
Jane

P.S. I made some fondant this weekend. It turned out well, and doesn't even taste nasty. However, the cake I baked turned out funky, so unless I put the fondant on the cupcakes I made for my nephew, I don't know what I can do with it. I hear fondant keeps well in the fridge, though.
P.P.S. The idea of putting fondant on a cupcake just seems sort of wrong to me. It makes me think of these two little girls I saw this weekend selling lemonade from a fancy (clearly store-bought) lemonade stand.
P.P.P.S. I mean, really. A store-bought lemonade stand just seems like an affront to childhood and introductory economic theory. I mean, how many glasses of lemonade will those little girls have to sell at $0.15 each before they recoup their start-up costs? It does seem like a great way to introduce the girls to the joys of multi-level marketing schemes, however... Hmmm....

Sleepy. So sleepy.

Dear Floor,

You are looking very inviting this afternoon. Especially the little section directly under my desk. I'd like to curl up in that spot and take a tiny nap.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Horses,

It has taken me a long time to admit this to myself, but I have to do it. You are a hobby for rich people. I am not rich people. It is possible that we will have stick to admiring each other from afar.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Giant Gorilla (on top of the gas station by my house),

The gas station upon which you are standing (floating? continuously inflating? tied semi-securely?) has been open forever. However, you make me smile. There is nothing I love more than a giant gorilla advertising a grand opening.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Lottery,

Could I spontaneously win you? It would be kind of nice. I'd be super responsible and not waste my winnings on things like horses and giant inflatable gorillas and extra space under my desk.



Promise.

Love,
Jane

Questions and answers

Dear end of August,

Normally, I don't wish for time to pass any more quickly than it already does, but I wouldn't mind it if you came ASAP. This summer has been long, busy, and hot.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Internets,

On another note, what do you think I should do with my life? What are your goals for the next five years? Do you have any good ones that I can steal?

Love,
Jane

Washers and Dryers, pt 397

Dear Sears,

Here's hoping your repair service is better than your delivery service.

Your friend (at least for now),
Jane

***

Dear Dryer,

Why do you hate us? We have shown you nothing but love. However, I do thank you for breaking while still under the manufacturer's basic warranty.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Self,

Maybe next time you shouldn't be so smug about declining the extended warranty, no matter what you may have read on Consumer Reports.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Bailey,

Please don't bite the washer dryer repair guy. Or the plumber. Or the guy who's coming out to dig the tree roots out of the sewer line.

Love,
Mom

***

Dear Inventor of the Monday Morning Meeting,

You and I are not friends. I mean, really.

Jane

***

Dear Internets,

Here's hoping your week is off to a slightly better start than mine!

Kisses,
Jane

Words to live by

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." - Catherine Aird

Spiderman Cupcakes

Dear Internets,

My nephew thinks of me as the cupcake lady. Any time I talk to him on the phone, he says something like, "You bring me Spiderman (or George, or WALL-E/EVE, or Batman) cupcakes?" Of course, he's way too cute for me to say anything but yes.

Here are some Spiderman cupcakes I made him this weekend. They're devil's food cake with cream cheese icing. (Cream cheese icing isn't the best for decorating, but I haven't yet managed to find a recipe for a buttercream icing that I can stand to eat.)


I forgot to take pictures until I was outside my sister's house.


It was 105 degrees outside (not hyperbole), so the cupcakes immediately started to melt.


My nephew, marking the cupcakes as his. He was excited and jumping up and down, so every picture I took ended up blurry. You can sort of tell that he's wearing a Spiderman t-shirt in this picture.

Charlie was a little disappointed that the designs were not made out of candy (Aunty is not that good yet), but I think he still enjoyed the cupcakes. I made a Lucha Libre mask cupcake for Achilles - I'll try to remember to upload a picture tonight.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

Love,
Jane

Damien

Dear Internets,

One of my devil children from last year is retaking my class. I'm taking this as a sign from above that it is not a good time to quit my main job and pursue a career in teaching. Thoughts?

Also, I had a dream last night that Harry Hamlin was chasing me. That's scary, right? Achilles did not think it was a particularly scary dream. But Harry Hamlin tried to kill Veronica Mars*!

Love always,
Jane

*Ultimately, it was the CW that killed Veronica Mars. Jerks.

Snacks

Dear M&M's,

Stop staring at me from the vending machine. It's creepy. I don't eat things that stare at me anyway.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear Second Job,

Please stop padding my wallet and making me feel sort of good about myself. I kind of want to quit you.

Love,
Jane

***

Dear El Nino,

You are supposed to make it rain this fall. I say bring it. If possible, before this fall. I'm tired of weeks of 100+ degree weather. It's just not right for people to have to live this way.

Then again, please don't wash us all away in months of flash flooding. Also, I think they're supposed to redo the roof of my condo this fall, so if you could schedule yourself around that, it would be fabulous.

Kisses,
Jane

***

Dear Friday afternoon,

Good lord, will you ever end?

Love,
Jane

Still kicking

Dear Internets,

I am alive. Sorry I went AWOL for a while. My life became consumed with spending time with my nephew and my new baby niece, semi-hibernating to avoid the heat, riding horses, and working the two jobs. Things have been good.

I am currently attempting to catch up on reading the hundreds of posts that have backed up in my Google Reader. I am looking forward to finding out what you've been up to.

Yours always,
Jane