ACL Lineup

Dear Internets,

Quick, like a bunny! ACL Fest lineup has been released. Should I go?

XOXO,
Jane

Because how would that even come up?

Dear Internets,

You know what's funny? When Achilles and I were little, both of our families had "No singing at the dinner table" rules. It's also Maira Kalman's father's first rule.

Do kids have some sort of innate impulse to sing at the dinner table, or is it just the catchiness factor of songs like "On Top of Spaghetti"?

I like to think that kids are so happy to be together with their family that they can't help but sing. But maybe it's just a really good way to irritate parents after a long day's work.

Yours curiously,
Jane

Delicious, but not nutritious

Dear Internets,

A debate has been raging percolating lazily coming up from time to time in the Distractible household: are 1950's housewife food and stereotypical white trash food essentially the same thing?

Person A thinks that things like banana pudding (with Cool Whip, of course) and food made in Crock Pots are kind of white trash.

Person B thinks that these are just delicious 1950's housewife foods. Person B might even refer to these foods as "retro."

Person A postulates that 1950's housewife foods and white trash foods are really the same thing. Person A brings up Spam.

Person B gets annoyed, because Spam is not even really food. (Unless you are Hawaiian. Person B would hate to offend anyone because of cultural differences.) Besides isn't steak a quintessential 1950's housewife food? Steak is not white trash. (Person B does not mention season 1 of Veronica Mars, in which Keith and Veronica eat steak "like the lower-middle class to which [they] aspire.")

Person A and Person B are both firm in their belief that they are right.

Thus, Internets, we have reached a stalemate. What do you think? Are 1950's housewife foods just a little bit white trash? Are the trendy foods of today the low-class foods of tomorrow? Are tapas the cocktail wieners of tomorrow? Or are things like tuna casserole just deliciously retro foods that happen to feature shelf-stable ingredients distributed by Kraft Foods? If possible, please site examples to support your case.

Gratefully yours,
Jane

Logic

Dear Internets,

You know what's always bugged me about "Oedipus Rex"? If you were Oedipus, and you'd heard a rumor that the people you thought were your parents weren't really your parents, and then you went to an oracle, and he was all, "Yo dude, I'm not going to talk about that, but homeboy's totally going to kill his father and lay with his mother," do you think you just *might* avoid killing a random stranger over whose carriage has the right of way just in case? And then, when you defeat the Sphinx, and everyone's all "Yay! Be the king!" do you think you might ask if the queen has to be a part of the package, seeing as how she's -ahem- old enough to be your mother?

That's just always bugged me.

Anyhoo, have a good day.

Love,
Jane

I'm like a square squared

Dear Credit Card companies,

Is it wrong that I kind of like the way you are marketing to me these days? This is the opening from a letter you sent recently:

One day you started doing things differently. Instead of eating, you began to dine. Instead of planning trips, you started planning journeys. And that was just the beginning.

Your offer goes on to suggest different ways the card can help enhance my "lifestyle." With your card, I could upgrade a seat on a flight, get tickets to a must-see concert, and pretty much be more sophisticated and awesome than non-cardholders.

Can I just say - wow! Thanks for thinking I'm cool, credit card company!

However, you are wrong about this little chickadee. I am about as hip as a pocket protector*. I am hardly a frequent flyer. In fact, I still try to get a window seat when I fly, because how I like to be reminded that "OMFG! I'm flying! In a plane! Like, in the air! Yay physics!" And aside from ACL Fest, my friend Margaret's bands' shows, and any Old 97's/Rhett Miller concerts that happen to be close enough (or almost close enough) to be in my backyard**, there are really no concerts that I am cool enough to know about before tickets go on sale.

As for "dining" or going on "journeys" - maybe we'll talk about that after I pay off my student loans. And car loan. And mortgage.

Still, I hope we can be friends, credit card companies. A girl likes to surround herself with admirers from time to time.

Love,
Jane

*Actually, I kind of think pocket protectors are a good idea, based on past experiences.
**I wish credit card companies could have somehow fixed the last Old 97's show I went to, a St Patrick's Day show in Dallas. Tickets were only $12, so Achilles and I decided to take a mini weekend away. It was kind of a mistake. The Old 97's were fabulous of course; Murray was especially charming, taking pictures of the crowd to send to his little boy. But the crowd? HORRIBLE. For the most part, they weren't even Old 97's fans; they were just reallyreally drunk college students who decided to go to a $12 show before leaving for Spring Break. They were *throwing* things at the band! Unacceptable! Hopefully the free Rhett Miller show*** I see this Thursday at Shady Grove will have a better crowd.
***Yes, I did include that anecdote mostly because it would allow me to mention that I'm going to a free Rhett Miller show this week. I know, I know - bragging is unattractive. I will try to stop.

Jim Gaffigan is cooler than me

Dear Jim Gaffigan,

Thanks for recording your Comedy Central special in Austin on the weekend after my birthday*. It was fabulous.

This game is also fantastical. Happy Friday.

Love,
Jane

*I refuse to call it "my birthday weekend." A birthday is a day, not a weekend.

One

Dear Blog,

Happy first birthday.


Love,
Jane

Distractible Jane Highs and Lows
Number of posts: 263
Most commented on post
Most Quintessential Distractible Jane
Personal favorite (probably)
Best "coming clean" post
Favorite Bailey picture (the top one)
Favorite picture ever from the Internets
Number of posts relating to Halloween: 13
Number of rants about Wordpress spam filters: 4
Number of truck nuts on this blog: 0

I'm sure you've all seen this

But wow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Detours

Dear Internets,

I've been a little scattered lately. I've been going through a bit of a phase (one I go through about every two years or so, give or take a year) that has me questioning what I should *do* with my life. A couple years ago, I started an exercise program, lost 10 lbs, and switched careers. Then I bought a condo. A few years before that, I bought a little convertible and sought out (and got) a fairly big promotion at my old job. Prior to the last two mid-twenties crises? Well, I've told you how many times I changed not only majors, but universities, right?

This time I'm trying really hard to stay put. I'm in a really good place. And yet...

I'm restless. I've tried yoga, boot camp, meditation, and cake decorating. I taught myself to knit and to cook. I'm looking into hang gliding, trapeze, and stand up comedy classes. I worry that none of it will be enough, though. I am ready to take a big, crazy step. I want to leap without looking.

This post was supposed to be a continuation of the "25 Things about Me" series and a way to pass along a blog award from Perfectly Cursed Life. I was going to talk about the things I love. The problem is, aside from the obvious things like family, Achilles, friends, and Bailey, I'm having a hard time pinning anything down.

Likes are easy. I like almost everything. Loves, though... I have no idea. I'm beginning to worry that I never will.

Love (and I *do* mean love),
Jane

Coughy was a dwarf, I think

Dear Internets,

Bullet points + math = I still love you, Internets, even though it may not seem like it.
Cramps + a cold + a fever < fun.
Office cleaning crew + moving trash can 13 feet away from my desk to the other side of the recycling bin = I have to get up to throw away my gross used Kleenex.
Gross used Kleenex = fun mental image for the Internets.
Sleepy + Sneezy + Dopey + Grumpy + Doc + Coughy + Stabby = things that show up in NyQuil-induced dreams.
Home = where I would like to go now.

Love,
Jane

Progress, part deux

Dear Vermont,

Woohoo! You too!

I'm hoping this turns into a contest to see which states can jump on the open-mindedness bandwagon the fastest.

Fingers crossed,
Jane

P.S. This is completely unrelated, but I think I'm getting a cold or a sinus infection. This is getting ridiculous - I feel like I've been sick for a month.

Progress

Dear Iowa,

You rock.

Love,
Jane

Wordpress is an a**hole

Dear Internets,

Wordpress/Aksimet* has figured out my trick to getting around their spam filters (using a different browser to leave comments on Wordpress blogs), and has once again started blocking my comments.

(Dear Wordpress,
I am not a spammer. YOU, however, ARE an arsehole.
-Jane)

A lot of bloggers have un-spammed my comments, but apparently not enough to make a difference to Wordpress spam filters. When I email bloggers to let them know Wordpress is eating my comments (regularly, in the manner of an annoying gnat), a lot of them can't find my comments in their spam folders anyway.

Apparently, I'm not the only person this has happened to. I did write Aksimet like that guy did and ask them to un-blacklist me, but I'm not sure they'll care enough to respond (even though I'M NOT THE ONE WHO DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY!).

Ahem. Sorry about that. Anyhoodles**, this was mostly a rant, but also an explanation for my absence in many of your comments sections. Alas, Wordpress/Aksimet seem committed to suppressing my brilliant wit.***

I still love you anyway, Internets. I'm just gonna have to love some of you through telepathy****.

Love,
Jane

*Some people get kind of annoyed by Blogger blogs with word verification or comment moderation. If you are one of these people, and you have a Wordpress blog, you are living in a glass house (etc.).
**My Firefox spell checker recognizes "anyhoodles" but not "bloggers." I hope I didn't break it...
***I will not throw myself under a bus over this, don't worry...
****Wow, that unintentionally sounded kinda dirty.

Spotted red flying beetles, etc.

Dear Internets,

Things on my mind:

• I wish I were in the market for a new car. As much as I love Lola, I could get a brand new, Lola 2.0 for $2000 below invoice. But Lola will be paid off in five months, and no car payment trumps new car smell, at least for now.
• My boot camp is kicking my biscuits. I love it, though; I forgot how accomplished I feel after finishing a hard workout an hour before the sun even goes up. I wish I were disciplined enough to do this all the time. Still, my buns are pretty sore...
• Achilles and I are going to Puerto Rico in a month. Did I tell y'all about that? We're pretty excited.
• Do you think people would be so fond of ladybugs if they were called spotted red flying beetles?
• I am loving my second job right now, even though working 200+ hours during the same three weeks of early morning boot camp is a little rough. Someday I'll have one of those "portfolio careers" and be the happiest girl in the world.
• Speaking of careers, one of my friends told me she used me as an example in a paper she was writing for her master's program. What did she use me as an example of, you ask? Women who go to college mostly for the purpose of meeting a husband. I really didn't know how to respond to that. I mean, I hardly think the French and Art History departments are the places one would look first for single, straight men. And, since graduating from college, I've been a bank (credit union) manager and a computer programmer. Those are careers, right? Alas, maybe I protesteth too much...
• Achilles' birthday is tomorrow. I'm making cupcakes tonight (carrot cake and devil's food, with cream cheese icing). There are some surprises involved and he reads this blog, so I'll fill you all in after the weekend.

And that's about it. Sorry I've been a little AWOL in your comments sections. I still love you all longtimes!

Love,
Jane