Small Uninteresting Post

Dear Internets,

I've been avoiding my blog this week, because I felt this weird internal pressure to write a Big Interesting Post.

I'm not sure why I feel this pressing need to say something important here; I'm sure I could make something up from [what I remember from] Psych 101 about my lack of certainty about my job situation, or my tendency to avoid certain problems by focusing on other less important problems. But really, that just sounds boring and exhausting for both you and me. Instead, I think I'll go old school and get back into posting with a bullet points-y letter to the Internets.

• I just got this email:

  Tomorrow is [redacted]'s last day! We are "honoring" him with cake at the coffee bar at 3:45. Come join us!!

  Hmmm... Sounds fishy. I don't know if I trust that what they are "honoring" him with is actually "cake." I think I'll pass.
• Kim, who I have decided is my sister from another mister, is nearing her 500th post. I am in awe of her tenacity. I was looking through the list of blogs I follow (which I haven't really updated much since I started blogging)(I should do that) and I'd say at least 80% of those bloggers are no longer blogging. Getting up to 500 posts pretty much makes Kim one of the rulers of the Internets.
• Two of my favorite non-U.S. bloggers are coming to visit the U.S. in August, and even though the U.S. is like, really big, and they are both coming here to visit family and friends and you know, not me, it reminds me how much I would like to meet most of the Internets in real life. (We would definitely need margaritas, though, because although I may seem relaxed and funny-ish onstage, I'm actually really socially awkward in person.)
• I am not going to BlogHer. Poor little me.
• My half marathon training is (dare I say it?) sort of... fun so far. I think it helps that I've been super stressed by both my employment situation and the extra work I've picked up at my second job. Exercising really does help me feel less stressed. (Less tired/grumpy/irritable? Not so much...)

I think that's all my brain has room for today. Love your face, Internets!

Love,
Jane

Miscellany

Random bullet points from the past week that likely won't make it into their own blog posts:

• Achilles cut his thumb on the mandoline. I didn't say I told you so, but I did suggest that we start referring to it as the cornballer.
• I may (or may not) have found a job. It was supposed to be a sure thing, but I was supposed to hear something about this so-called "sure thing" today. So who knows.
• I have seven half-written blog posts that I can't muster the energy to finish. It is amazing how quickly I become apathetic when I spend most of my time with my Netflix queue.

I've been enjoying my time between jobs, but I'm beginning to realize that I really need a little more structure (or structured procrastination) in my days if I'm going to stay productive, at least when it comes to blogging.

Awkward conversations, pt. 12

Scene: the CVS near my office. I am on a five minute break at work. There are about four customers and two cashiers.

I place my Chex Mix and Coke Zero on the counter.

Cashier: Hello. I'll go ahead and take what you have in your pockets, too.

I stare at the guy for a minute. He smiles at me weirdly. I take my car keys from my pocket and hand them to the cashier. He pretends to scan them, then rings up my other items.

Cashier: That'll be $4.50 please.

I pay. The cashier hands me my items and my keys. I say "Thank you," and leave.

---End scene---

Am I wrong in thinking that interaction was totally bizarre? Did the cashier really think I was shoplifting, or was he just trying to make conversation? Who did the better job one-upping the other person? Me, for actually emptying my pockets, or the cashier, for pretending to scan the contents? (I am afraid, Internets, that the winner in that contest may have been the cashier. After all, I wasn't really being intentionally ironic when I handed him the keys - I was mostly just horrified that he thought I might be a shoplifter.)

Part the deux

So I performed stand up for the second time last week. I think I did a little better the first time, but I still had fun. At any rate, here's the video of my performance:



I plan to address the whole "Why the heck did you even decide to try this?" issue in an upcoming post. If there's anything else you're curious about, feel free to ask me questions in the comments and I'll try to answer those questions in the same post.

I did it (again)

My second stand up performance went OK. The crowd was older and smaller, but I still got some laughs. My friends and family assure me that I did fine. (I'm sure they're not biased at all.) I'll get the video in about a week - I'll post it so that you guys can judge for yourselves.

I'm not sure what my next step will be. I could check out an open mike or something, but they all seem so intimidating and male. I will probably try to get my job and life situations straightened out before I really decide on anything.

In other news, Achilles and I started training for a half marathon on Sunday. Wish us luck!

Nerves

OMG INTERNETS!!!

I'm performing stand up again in less than 12 hours. I'm so much more nervous this time than last time. I guess that's the price I have to pay for not scheduling a wedding a few days before this performance to keep my mind occupied.



My department manager took me out for coffee this morning to discuss a potential job. Hopefully the caffeine and adrenaline currently coursing through my veins as a result of that meeting will dissipate before tonight.

I'll let you know how it goes, and (barring disaster) post the video in a week or so.

Ocho

Kim tagged me for a meme earlier this week. This was AWESOME because I have been super grouchy all week. I really don't like to write grouchy blog posts, but I get even grouchier when I don't write. Her timing couldn't have been better.

1. When was the last time you played air guitar? Come on, I’m not asking you to admit you still listen to Def Leppard.

I really don't know. I am more of an impromptu interpretive dancer than an air guitar player. I come up with interpretive dances almost daily. They usually also involve re-working the lyrics to TV theme songs so that they incorporate Bailey. Bailey enjoys dancing along.

[To the tune of the "FAME" theme song]
BALES!
He's gonna dance in the kitchen...
He's gonna shed on the floor...
(FLOOR!)
We really neeeed to vacuum...
But that is kind of a chore...
BALES!
Plus Bales is scared of the vacuum...
He'll probably bark 'til he's sore...

Both Achilles and Bailey really enjoy this. I promise.

2. What’s the oldest thing in your fridge?

Probably some sort of condiment that Achilles bought at some point. I am not a huge fan of crazy soy sauces or fancy BBQ sauces (unless they are homemade), so I tend to ignore those. I should probably check some of the expiration dates.

3. Vampires, zombies or please make it stop?

Hmmm... If you had asked me a few months ago, I probably would have said zombies. Now I'm just sick of it all. GIANT YAWN.

I do still think someone needs to find a way to make zombies sexy, because that would be hilarious. I mean, vampires are undead blood drinkers and people are all over that. If I have to hear about the undead all the time, I should at least get to hear things that are amusing and weird.

4. If you had to change your current profession, and could be anything, what would you do?

I'd be a teacher, at least for the next several years. I fully intend to change careers several more times in my lifetime, though. (So far, I've spent a few years each as a bookkeeper, a banker, a manager, and a programmer-type person. I'm so boring!)

5. Undergarment of choice?

I like undershirts a lot. I think they're underrated. Hardy har...

6. What is the tackiest thing you own?

I try to be pretty ruthless and donate my tacky things to Goodwill so that people can turn them into Halloween costumes. I do have a pair of bright purple cargo pants that I'm reluctant to get rid of. They make me happy.

7. Summer with no air conditioning or winter with no heat?

Easy peasy - winter with no heat. I live in Texas, sillies. I barely turn my heat on in the winter anyway.

8. Desert island time: Wow, there is a band that will play whenever you snap your fingers and OMG, it’s your favorite! Who is it?

The Old 97's. I heart them big.

I'm feeling a little too shy to tag anyone today, but please feel free to consider yourself tagged if you would like to do this.

Oopsie pt. 784

I took down my last post... I reread it and it sounded like I was saying bad things about my soon-to-be-previous employer. Honestly, I understand their decisions, and really don't harbor any bad feelings. I do feel a little overwhelmed and sad sometimes when I think of all the people whose are facing job loss and/or unemployment right now. However, that does not give me an excuse to say things without thinking.

Anyhoo... I'm going back to my promise not to talk about the whole job situation for a while.

XOXO

P.S. Thank you for the thoughtful comments on the post I took down. I definitely appreciated them. You guys are awesome.

Biting the bullets

Yes, it is that time again. I have let myself get so discombobulated (love that word) through lack of blog posting that my only hope for ever moving forward is to attempt to re-combobulate myself through the use of bullet points and bad pun blog titles.

This is the current status of various aspects of my life:

• Job situation - If you are annoying even yourself with your self-absorption, chances are, you're probably beginning to alienate some of your readers. At any rate, I don't want to turn this into an unemployment blog, so after this update, I'm going to put a lid on this subject for a while. Since my last post, I took a test to see if I qualify for a teaching program, interviewed for a job, and signed up for a mandatory "transitions workshop" for the group of people who were laid off by my employer. The test went pretty well (I think). I thought the interview went badly. It reminded me of getting dressed up for a date with a guy that you're not that interested in, and then getting rejected because the guy is still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. (Oddly, that made me more interested in the job than I initially thought I was. Old habits?) I am sure the transitions workshop will be magical.
• Achilles - He is still nice. I don't know why he puts up with me. Perhaps it is because I don't complain when he heads to the video store to pick up a movie we both agreed on and instead returns with something he thinks we might like better. (I sent him this article and went upstairs to reread my Anastasia books.)
  
• Stand up - I'm performing again on July 11th. Email me if you'll be in the Austin area and would like tickets.
  
• Hurricane Alex - I am normally not a fan of hurricanes, but I am enjoying the rain and cooler weather Alex has brought to Austin. I hope this doesn't cause too much trouble in the Gulf, though. (Side note - how is it possible that we've never had a hurricane Alex before? Isn't Alex a really common name?)
• Birthdays - My niece and my sister's birthday was yesterday. In some ways, I can't believe little Ellie is already a year old. In others, I can't believe how much has happened in the past year. My nephew's fourth birthday is in two weeks. I definitely can't believe how much has happened in the past four years.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets!