Little Big Post

Dear Internets,

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus. My Christmakah vacation has been pretty awesome so far. I've been composing blog posts in my brain and forgetting them by the time I sat down to write, so I think that means it's a good time for some bullet points.

• Achilles got me Little Big Planet for Christmas. The game itself is pretty fun, but the user-generated content capabilities are blowing my nerdy mind. I don't know if my limited knowledge of computer programming is influencing my opinions or not, but I am just in awe of the game creators. Exploring the game makes me want to learn video game programming and design.
  
• Playing Netflix movies and TV shows instantly on my TV continues to blow my mind as well. I am just in LOVE with technology this winter break. Maybe this is just what I needed to help me get re-energized to do boring programming tasks at job #1.
• I made my list of "30 things I want to do before turning 30." I do this every year for the most part, but since 30 will be the start of a new Jane decade, I figured I'd make big, specific goals and use this blog to help hold myself accountable. I'll probably post my list sometime next week.
  
• I am knitting Achilles some shorts using circular knitting needles. I figured that I can't call myself a knitter unless I progress beyond scarves at some point.
  
• In other crafty news, I designed some cookie cutters. I think I'll wait until I make and decorate some cookies to post pictures of the cookie cutters, but I'm pretty happy with the results. (Spoiler: they involve sparkly unicorns.)
  
• I am so glad that I have another week of vacation left. I am NOT ready to go back to work.

I'm off to go knit a few more rows. I'll be back soon, Internets!

Love,
Jane

Dear Internets,

Bullet points of awesomeness:

• Last night, I composed 87 blog posts in my head. This morning, I had forgotten them all. Hate.
• In other news, one of my coworkers left me religious-themed chocolate as a Christmas present. Note to pushy coworker: chocolate that needs Jesus to market itself is not generally the world's most delicious chocolate.
• Achilles and I have been watching the first season of Dexter on Netflix (you can watch a lot of movies and television series instantly on your TV now. I predicted this day would come nine years ago. Take note, people who might want to hire me: I am a visionary). Dexter is great, but I do not recommend watching it before bed unless you want to have some wild dreams.
• I am still bummed about the chocolate.

Hope your holiday week is off to a great start Internets!

Love,
Jane

Now we've come to the Questions and Answers portion of our show

Dear Internets,

Yesterday, in between gazing at my navel and staring into the mirror, I decided to take a look at the search engine terms people use to get to this blog. What I discovered is that people have a lot of questions. For example:

What did one math book say to the other?

A: Don't bother me, I've got my own problems.

I feel sort of guilty that I'm on the first page of the Google search results for that one. I feel like I'm luring people in with false promises of puns. Instead, they are just PUNished with my silly letters. HAHA! Sorry. Moving on.

Neil Diamond Lake Tahoe?

A: YOU TELL ME, INTERNETS! Did I miss seeing Neil Diamond while I was in Lake Tahoe? Quelle travesty! I may need a moment to recover from this.

Sigh. OK, next.

What do I do if I tore a contact lens?

A: New contact lens. or Lasik, maybe. Too easy!

Who is the mom on Glee?

A: You tell me, Internets. I didn't even know there was a mom on Glee. I mean, there's Terri's sister and Finn's mom, and teen mom-to-be Quinn Fabray but other than that, I got nothin. I do really hope that Idina Menzel will play Rachel's mom at some point. (Yes, I realize she's way too young, but she could totally play a young struggling singer who needed to earn extra cash by being a surrogate or something. I'm just sayin.)

When was paisley print invented?

A: In 1907 in England by a guy named Benny. He worked in a chemist's shop. (Kidding. Persia - Safavid Dynasty)

Sometimes it's not just answers to questions that lure people here under false pretenses.

Paisley print disadvantages*

A: Seriously? There are none! All my friends are getting paisley print for Christmas.

25 and stuck in a rut.

A: Read this. It probably won't really help, but it'll make me feel less guilty about luring you here.

Spiderman Cupcakes

A: Again, I feel guilty. You paged through 12-13 pages of Google image search results to find these blurry pictures. I can't really help much - I painted the cupcakes freehand and they immediately started to melt. I recommend the little pre-made candy cupcake toppers. Little kids prefer those anyway.

Well, I hope you can behave yourself until next time Internets.

Love,
Jane

*I really wish I could remember when I actually talked about paisley print... Hmmm....

Scene 3

Jane: Hey, this girl reads my blog. And I read her blog. Which means I was totally one of the first people to know about the McNuggettini. I knew about it pre-YouTube. Because I totally followed Georgia for like, ever.
Achilles: That's pretty cool.
Jane: Hey, that kind of makes me the ultimate hipster, huh? Like, I could totally be queen of the hipsters now. Except that saying that I could be queen of the hipsters automatically disqualifies me from the running. Damn.
Achilles: ...
Jane: I don't want to be queen of the hipsters anyway. I'm over hipsters. Plus, they smell funny.
Achilles: What do hipsters smell like?
Jane: Used records, gin, and thrift store clothing. And disdain.
Achilles: Gross.
Jane: I really am sort of over hipsters. What do you think will replace them?
Achilles: Robots.

**** end scene ****

P.S. Rock on Georgia!

Eating the elephant

Dear Internets,

So. I sort of lied about being back, huh? I did read all 749 posts in my Google Reader, although I didn't comment on most of them (because I'm not a robot, that's why)(sorry about that). It turns out they were mostly about how people either love or hate Christmas. Go figure.

I haven't been writing (or exercising or eating particularly well) because my brain has been a scrambled mess. My brain has been a scrambled mess because I haven't been writing (or exercising or cooking). It's a vicious cycle. (Rawr.) It's possibly also some mild form of SAD since this seems to happen to me every year. I know that's weird, since I live in the sunbelt and all, but I can't help but wonder be a hypochondriac.

Anyway, I'm going to attempt to defrag my brain by writing a huge monster update. Hopefully, we can all move on and I can get back to posting about breakfast tacos ASAP.

Thanksgiving
Food. Lots of it. Lots of family asking about the wedding. Lots of anxiety. Moving on.

Tahoe
It is interesting to travel with a large group of friends. Apparently the family you choose can be just as overly dramatic as the family you're born into. Overall, though, the trip was wonderful. I went snowboarding, my friends made me 29 cupcakes with candles on my birthday, and we danced and sang along so enthusiastically to a mid/late-90's alt rock cover band that the band thanked us (and only us) personally after the show. It was fantastic.

My Birthday
29. Bleh. What can I say about 29? I guess at least it's a prime number (but it's not nearly as good as being perfect). It was great to spend time with my friends in Tahoe, and I'm incredibly lucky to have the life I have, but I really just don't enjoy getting older anymore.

Snowboarding
Normally, I'm the person getting whacked in the face with a soccer ball or tripping down the bowling alley, but I actually seem to have some natural talent for snowboarding. Achilles and I are even thinking of heading to Whistler for our honeymoon. (Note to self: try finding sports that aren't so expensive.) My bruises are finally starting to heal. (Re: bruises. I know, I know. But I said that I had some natural talent, not that I'd morphed into a different person.)

Ghost Posts
To everyone who emailed me about writing a ghost post while I was on vacation - I am so very sorry I didn't get back to anyone. I was a nervous wreck. If you are still interested, please let me know.

The Wedding
Does anyone even want to hear about this? I know I don't. However, I may or may not have biggish news about the wedding (depending on how Achilles' and my families react to our new plans). I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm going to keep my mouth shut.

***

Well, that was really lame and not much of a monster post at all. I can't believe I've been avoiding this for so long. I hope you've had a fantastical month so far, Internets, and I hope you'll forgive me for being a little bit of a whackadoodle.

Love,
Jane

Return

Dear Internets,

I'm back from vacation. It was fantabulous.

I just opened my Google Reader and immediately closed it when I saw 749 unread items. I plan on taking a deep breath (and possibly a nap) and tackling it after work this evening.

I missed you!

Love,
Jane