2nd Anniversary - Cotton

Almost two years ago, Abe and I got married. One of our favorite pictures from the day was this one:

photo by (and mustaches courtesy of) Melanie Dodds Photography

Since the traditional second wedding anniversary gift is cotton, I decided to design a t-shirt for Abe. Here's how it turned out. (Artwork by me, printing by CustomInk.)

Finished shirt

Close-up of design

How awesome is this wrapping paper? Half Price Books!

Even though I'd like to consider myself a competitive gift-giver à la Leslie Knope, I suck at waiting to give people gifts, so I gave Abe his shirt about ten minutes after the mailman delivered it.

He approved.

And because it wasn't too much more (and I already had the credit card out) I got one for me, too.

I'm threatening to force Abe to wear the shirts every time we go on vacation so we look like we just stepped off the weirdest most awesome tour bus ever.

Happy Distractible Household Anniversary everyone! Have a great weekend!

How to Make Valentine's Cupcakes in 46 Simple Steps (with pictures!)

Step 1. Several weeks before Valentine's Day, be inspired by adorable cupcakes on Bakerella's website. Tell everyone who will listen that you are making these cupcakes for Valentine's Day.

Step 2. Forget step 1 entirely. Forget that Valentine's Day exists.

Step 3. Remember Valentine's Day and cupcakes. Decide you would rather make vanilla cupcakes, as red velvet always reminds you of a song about a prostitute.

Step 3a. (optional, but encouraged.) Schedule a dentist appointment the same day you plan to make cupcakes. Get four or fewer hours of sleep.

Step 4. After your dentist appointment and/or a few hours before your dinner reservation, remember that you had planned/promised to make cupcakes as a Valentine's gift. Realize you lack nearly all necessary ingredients.

Step 5. Head to store to purchase ingredients. Get distracted by cute Valentine's-themed mini cupcake liners. Decide that you should make twee little mini cupcakes instead of full-sized cupcakes. Head home.

Step 6. Mix cupcake batter.

Step 7. Fill 36 mini cupcake liners with batter. Realize you have only used 1/4 of the amount of batter you mixed.

Step 8. Continue filling mini cupcake liners with batter.

Step 9. Continue filling mini cupcake liners with batter.

Step 10. Begin to question the wisdom of making mini cupcakes instead of full-sized cupcakes. Tell yourself you are almost done and to stop being so whiny.

Step 11. Continue filling mini cupcake liners with batter.

Step 12. Get bored and color the rest of the batter pink.

Step 13. Continue filling mini cupcake liners with batter.

Step 14. Finish filling mini cupcake liners with batter. Realize you haven't cut out the little hearts that are supposed to adorn the arrows shooting through the cupcakes. Decide to do this while cupcakes bake.

Step 15. Realize how tiny these little hearts are going to have to be to fit on mini cupcakes.

Unpainted Ron Swanson Christmas ornament shown for size reference.

Step 16. Cut out tiny hearts.

Step 17. Cut out tiny hearts.

Step 18. Contemplate telling people most of the cupcakes burned so that you can stop cutting out tiny hearts.

Step 19. Hear the heater turn on. Watch in horror as your tiny paper hearts flutter to the floor.

Step 20. Feel the tiny heart inside your chest flutter to your stomach. Wonder if the five-second rule applies to tiny paper hearts.

Step 21. Decide that the floor, even if clean, is still, you know, the floor, and sweep tiny hearts into the trash.

Step 22. Cut out more tiny hearts.

Step 23. Look at small pile of tiny hearts. Think of 100+ cupcakes baking in the oven. Contemplate actually burning the cupcakes.

Step 24. Finish cutting out tiny hearts.

Step 25. Remove cupcakes from oven. Put them on plates to cool. Realize almost your entire counter is covered in tiny cupcakes.

Step 26. Wait for cupcakes to cool. Realize your dinner reservation is in two-and-a-half hours, and you haven't showered yet.

Step 27. Stab a cupcake with a toothpick. Notice that due to the size of the mini cupcake (or perhaps due to aggressive nature of toothpick stabbing) that the cupcake becomes slightly misshapen once it has been "shot."

Step 28. Decide the cupcakes look sort of heart-shaped, and you will tell people you did this on purpose.

Step 29. Sing Bon Jovi until you notice the dog burying his head under blankets in the other room.

Step 30. Sing even louder. Accidentally-on-purpose stab a few cupcakes hard enough that they break in half. Sample broken cupcakes.

Step 31. Add little paper hearts to cupcakes. Develop carpal tunnel.

Step 32. Realize you used the only bowl large enough to make frosting to mix cupcake batter. Wash dishes.

Step 33. Mix frosting.

Step 34. Sample frosting. Discover it tastes of sadness and despair. Throw away frosting.

Step 35. Wash dishes.

Step 36. Make as much frosting as you can with remaining butter. Frost about half of the cupcakes. Run out of frosting.

Step 37. Wonder if it's too early to start drinking. Look at clock. Realize your dinner reservation is in an hour-and-a-half, and you don't have time to go to the grocery store. In desperation, make more frosting with strawberry cream cheese. Don't measure anything or write anything down.

Step 38. Sample frosting. Discover it tastes of rainbows and magic and is a lovely pink color. Realize you will never be able duplicate this frosting.

Step 39. Frost remaining cupcakes.

Step 40. Text your sister: "If I ever say I'm going to make mini cupcakes again, please slap me in the mouth."

Step 41. Decide it is not too early to have a glass of wine. Add cheerful sprinkles to cupcakes. Decide they look rather cute.

Step 42. Box up cupcakes.

Step 43. Get ready for dinner with minutes to spare.

Step 44. Present cupcakes to husband, who has just returned home with flowers.

Step 45. After dinner of Mexican food and mojitos, decide that cupcake adventure was not so bad after all. Eat a cupcake.

Step 46. Realize that when the front heart is removed, the cupcakes sort of look like tiny hearts being stabbed with tiny stakes. Tell anyone who will listen that you will be making vampire heart cupcakes for Halloween.

Alternate Time-Saving Valentine Cupcakes (that your 30-year-old husband, 2-year-old niece, and 5-year-old nephew will appreciate just as much)

Step 1. Purchase cupcakes.

Step 2. Present cupcakes.

Muppets and Pageant Hair

Hola Internets!

I got my hair cut today, so I currently have pageant hair.


Not much else is new. My friends and I had a gift exchange this weekend, and my friend (who is obsessed with the Muppets) asked for something homemade, so I made her these:

I molded them out of modeling clay, and then painted them:

Here they are individually:

I put them in a Kermit lunchbox with some soaps from Anthropologie, OPI nail polish in Gettin' Miss Piggy With It, and a Simple Diary.

She almost cried when she opened the ornaments, which means I think I won the gift exchange. (What's that you say? Gift exchanges aren't a competition? Pshaw.)

My friend Ashley also won the gift exchange by giving me Uni-corn corn holders, a cross-stitching of a text she sent me that says "You are the Ann to my Leslie," and a One Line a Day Diary:

Unicorns, a Parks & Rec reference, and a non-traditional diary? You had me at unicorns.

We are headed to Hanukkah dinner now, so I'll have to save pictures from my other (more horse mask-focused gift exchange) for later.

Happy holidays Internets!

P.S. The Muppets were inspired by these most magnificent Cake Pops.

Horses horses horses

I have many posts I would like to write about many things.

Instead, I will show you a picture of part of a Secret Santa gift I'm putting together.

It is gonna be epic.

Also, on an unrelated note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE!

I am old.

The end.

Movie Poster Christmas Gift

I was supposed to post pictures of the Secret Santa gift I made for my friend Lo last week, but things have been kind of nuts in the Distractible household lately. We've been working on the house every day after work and all day on weekends. Time passes quickly when you measure it in coats of paint and patches of drywall.

Anyhoo, enough excuses. On to the gift.

This is Lo.

She loves old movies, cocktail parties, and being fabulous. She hates also loves being Rickrolled.

These are my friends who took part in the gift exchange.

photo by Melanie Dodds

At some point a year or so ago, we realized that we could use the first letters of our last names to spell out "BABAAM!" (With the exception of me, no one is particularly nerdy, but we all appreciated the Batman onomatopoeia.)

When it was time to open gifts, I handed Lo a gift bag. Inside was this shirt:


source

(I know no one is Rickrolling people anymore except me, but it never gets old.)

After I finished laughing, I gave Lo her real gift to unwrap.

The gift was originally supposed to be entirely movie-themed (there was a snafu due to my inability to read - don't ask), so I made the gift box look like a clapperboard. I forgot to take pictures, but it looked something like this:

The clapperboard clapper thingy actually worked! (Take that random coworker who said it would be too complicated and I should just put the gift in a popcorn bucket!)

Inside were a couple of small pug-related gifts inside to replace the movie gifts that didn't work out, and a couple of gifts from her wishlist.

I also gave her three framed pictures of drawings I made:



The third picture was Lo and her two sisters on a "How To Marry a Millionaire" poster. (I forgot to upload it.)

Since I had the frames, paper, and mats on hand, I was able to buy from her wishlist and give Lo a personalized gift without going over the spending limit.

Overall, I think the gift was a hit.

Painting, drawing, musing

We spent the weekend painting the living room and making repairs at my grandma's house. Abe's parents helped us. (I still get a little nervous around Abe's parents, even though they are probably the nicest in-laws I could have asked for. Social awkwardness FTW!) I should have probably taken before/during/after pictures, but I'm a little lazy and forgetful about that sort of thing. There's still a lot of work that needs to be done, so there will be plenty of opportunities for pictures of the rest of the house.

***

Tonight my friends and I are getting together for our annual gift exchange. I had a really awesome gift planned for the friend whose name I drew, but the entire gift creation/shopping process was a comedy of errors, and almost nothing worked out the way I originally planned. I'll post pictures of the part of the gift I made tonight (just in case she secretly reads this blog). The gift turned out OK, but not as perfectly as I had originally planned. C'est la vie.

***

I have been a little frustrated by the semi-anonymity of my blog lately. Mostly only friends and family know about my blog (and I'm a pretty open book as far as they're concerned), but nagging doubts in the back of my head that a stray boss or frenemy might secretly be reading sometimes keep me from being completely open.

I guess I should just remember this:


via

...and continue to keep my secrets to myself until they are ready to be shared with the world.

Sigh.

Excited as Jessie Spano at a dance competition

Dear Internets,

My mom is the third of six children that came in girl/boy/girl/boy/girl/boy order. As the middle daughter, she was usually considered the keeper of secrets by her siblings, and sometimes even her parents. As the family confidante, my mother gave up on being surprised by gifts at a very early age.

According to my mom, my grandmother was the worst at keeping secrets. After Grandma planned and got a gift together, she was too eager to wait until a birthday or holiday came along to give it to the recipient. Every year, my grandmother would come along with a gleam in her eye and pull my mother aside.

"Prissy*," she'd say. "What if I show you just one of your gifts?"

The next thing my mom knew, my grandmother would have gleefully shown her all of her presents, as well as those of her siblings.

***

I'm a lot like my grandma.

Although I have neglected my Internets this week, I haven't been totally lazy: I've been working on putting together Christmas presents for my friends and family. I think they're going well, and I really want to show them to someone. However since they're all somewhat similar, I can't really show my mom what I made for my friend without spoiling the surprise of my mom's gift and vice versa.

Here's the thing: I really want to put pictures of the gifts up here, but most of my friends and family know about my blog. I have told them not to look at my blog until after Christmas, but if they're anything like me, they won't be able to stand the suspense and they'll end up peeking.

What do you think, Internets? Is it safe to reveal my handiwork to the Internets? If you had been told not to look at my blog, would you peek or would you wait? If you peeked, would you tell me or fake surprise when I gave you your gift?

Love,
Jane

*My mom's name is Priscilla, so while "Prissy" is sort of a horrible nickname to be stuck with, at least she wasn't given the name due to some sort of personality flaw.

On the first day of Festivus, Jane gave to me...

Dear Internets,

I've been thinking about what to do about holiday gifts this year (don't be impressed with me; be impressed with Saving Diva. She's the one that planted the idea). Recently, I fell in love with Subversive Cross Stitch, and have been toying with the idea of making cross stitch Christmas presents for my friends as gifts. Only I would design my own using our own weird catch phrases and inside jokes (Like: "True Friendship Means Cutting the Occasional Brake Line").

The problem is, while I find angry/dark cross stitch hilarious, and would hang it all over my house if I could, I'm not sure if it really makes an appropriate gift. I'm afraid it's the type of thing that my friends would open, laugh uncomfortably at, and then stick into a closet until enough time had passed that they could donate it to Goodwill/throw it away without feeling too guilty.

What do you think, Internets? Should I stick to gift cards?

Love always,
Jane

P.S. Wouldn't it be kind of fun if we distinguished the gift type of present by spelling it with two s's, like dessert? Pressent. I like it.