Thursday, October 23, 2008

A is for Achilles

Dear Internets,

As I hinted earlier, I am going to change A's name on this blog. I couldn't have picked a worse one letter nickname if I tried.* Since "A" is an article, it is downright difficult to refer to my manfriend (hee) and still sound literate. (Case in point: "This is A's pumpkin." I might as well say, "Hellos potential new readers, I's can write real good.")

From here on out, I'm going to refer to "A" as Achilles. But wait! Before you run away saying, "OH EM GEE BARF! She totally thinks this guy is her hero**! Ick," let me explain.

Before we dated, Achilles lived in another state for undergraduate and law school. We were friends, but it's an 8+ hour drive to any other state from Austin, so we didn't exactly get to catch up over beers very often. Instead, every so often we'd send each other emails about whatever happened to be going on in our lives.

The summer before his last year of law school, Achilles tore his Achilles tendon. Achilles was bored, and I enjoyed being able to get relationship advice from a male with the click of a button, so we started emailing each other more frequently. After a friend flaked out and decided not to go to ACL Fest with me, I offered Achilles my extra ticket. He came to the festival, sparks flew, and the rest... well, we'll get to that in a later blog post, maybe.

Love,
Jane

*It wasn't actually a decision made with a lot of thought. But still. It's as bad as referring to him as "The," "El," or "Le."
**Just kidding Achilles. You're totally my hero. And now we just made the whole Internets barf. Yay!

P.S. Here are some of the emails.
P.P.S. Achilles was embarrassed, so I took off two of the emails. (Sorry...)


From: Achilles
To: Jane
Subject: Re: Austin?
jeez.. sorry it took me so long to write back! your message was very entertaining to read and quite dramatic. i totally sympathize. my life recently has been a bit of a springer episode. seriously... almost to the point where i'm ready to abandon all morality.

i really want to go to austin soon, and in fact i wanted to go this week. one problem... last weekend i played in a frisbee tournament and somebody stepped on my ankle in a game. at the moment.. i can barely walk without crutches. i went to the university health center and a doctor told me i may have ruptured my achilles tendon (which is pretty bad i guess). tomorrow i have to go to an orthopedist. hopefully he will tell me that the tendon was just badly bruised and it's just the swelling that is keeping me from moving my foot. so anyway... i'm sure i'll make it to austin at some point this summer. just a question of when.

From: Jane
To: Achilles
Subject: I think I made a "D" in Classical Mythology

Things are calming down a little. Sadly, Frenchie, who started out as kind of a Cable Guy (he would NOT leave me alone), must have changed his mind because he seems to have suddenly fallen off the face of the earth. I suppose it is for the best.

I don't know if you should trust my advice anymore, but I'll give it anyway. I think you are still a nice guy. If you weren't, you wouldn't be worried about whether or not you're a nice guy. It's normal to have a hard time with relationships.
(At least, that's what seems to happen with my friends. I don't have long-term relationships. Which makes me SUPER qualified to give advice. I swear. It's the law. In Ibiza.) But maybe I am being way too preachy and should just mind my own business. And you should start dating your brother's girlfriend or your girlfriend's brother, or whatever it is they do on Springer these days.

ANYWAY. I hope your foot is okay, because you need to come to Austin to visit. I have a feeling it will make things easier for you. And also me, because I will have someone NOT CRAZY to hang out with.

Let me know how things are going...

4 comments:

wanderingtex said...

your lucky that today is my and the boy's 3 year anniversary, so i'm feeling pretty sentimental and full of that love junk, so i didnt barf and think its really cute. :)

tal said...

awww...this makes me have hope and not want to barf! awesome- had abusy week and loved having the chance today to catch up on all your posts! nice costumes!

SavingDiva said...

I'm sad to see there were no Brad Pitt references in the post.

Elizabeth said...

I like the name Achilles! But then, I love mythology... I can't wait to read the rest of the story!