Distractible Jane

Quitting Facebook

2012-01-18T12:23:00.000-08:00

I deleted my Facebook account a few months ago. I told people it had to do with Crazy Poop Lady* and wanting more privacy online, but that was mostly a lie for the following reasons:

I generally don't believe in security through obscurity as a matter of principle.
Most of my Facebook profile took full advantage of the limited privacy options the site offered.
I was too lazy to update it much anyway.
I still have a Twitter, a Tumblr, Google+, a Pinterest account, an Instagram, an old MySpace account that I find too hilariously bad to delete, a LinkedIn account, a half a dozen more accounts that I've probably temporarily or permanently forgotten about, a half a dozen other online profiles and wishlists that would probably give you more ammunition against me than anything I ever posted on Facebook, and this blog. And it's all easy to find, even if you're not a semi-professional Creepy Internet Stalker like me.

No, to be honest, I mostly quit Facebook because I found it annoying. It got to the point where it reminded me of a high school cafeteria (with the addition of cousins, advertisers, and, most recently, grandmothers): everyone talked about the Same Damn Things all the time, and there really weren't a lot of healthy options on the menu for people who just wanted to extend metaphors way too far and mostly be left alone. By the end, I had taken full advantage of the "hide all posts" option and I felt like last Little One in the bed: my News Feed consisted of months-old status updates from my high school art history teacher and a few interesting science-related articles and infographics posted by a guy I hadn't talked talked to in 12 years.

So after the last big round of "Facebook changed it's privacy/filtering options and it is over-sharing/over-informing and I don't know how to fix it" I deleted my account. There was minor drama -- "Sandra deleted me from Facebook?! Can you ask her what I did?" "OMG, she deleted me too!" -- which I ignored, because the people I want to talk to generally know how to use telephones and email and don't overreact to perceived internet slights. Mostly, there was a general "Yeah, that makes sense that you'd do that" consensus.

How is life Facebook-free? Well, it's pretty much the same, except I have a little more free time to waste watching scripted television and I don't get irrationally irritated with friends and acquaintances as often. There are a few websites I can't use because they require me to sign in with a Facebook profile, but honestly, I find that sort of pushy and am more than happy to take my business elsewhere. A few local businesses use Facebook pages instead of real web pages, but Yelp comes in handy for those cases, and I figure eventually those businesses will grow up, realize they aren't a lemonade stand, and set up real websites like the big kids have**.

I don't see myself creating a new Facebook profile any time soon (or ever, at this point). I want to do things because I find them interesting, not because the pictures would make me look cool on a social networking site. I want to be friends with people, not "friend" them.

I guess saying all this may make me sound just as smug and annoying as people who "don't own a television." So I'll qualify with this: I don't think quitting Facebook has done anything to magically improve my quality of life (or will do anything magical for anyone else). It's just that the choice between using something that annoyed me on a daily basis and not using it? Was kind of an easy decision.

/ end rant.

Any questions?

*Seriously. Between Facebook, Google, and Libertarian websites that take the Freedom of Information Act to its creepy extremes, I could write Poop Lady's back story for an episode of Intervention (complete with pictures, work history, and obituaries). The Internets can be a scary place.

**Maybe I am a little bitter about businesses not having real webpages. But graphic designers and webmasters need jobs too! Oh, the economy!

State flags humor

2012-01-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes state flags look like images that cannot be displayed."

This is the funniest thing I've read in a while.

Happy New Year! (Now with less stomach virus!)

2012-01-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

I spent the last week or so of 2011 in bed with some sort of stomach bug. It made me feverish, achy, and interested only in listening to Alec Baldwin's podcasts and episodes of Radiolab. I'm sure my inner high-school-student-finishing-a-term-paper could turn the experience into some sort of metaphor that captured the essence of the entire year, but my outer 31-year-old is too lazy for that. Being sick during the holidays sucked, but I feel better now. End of story.

I'm feeling pretty positive about 2012. Like most people, I'm planning to be healthier, funnier, happier, and more productive. Whether I'll achieve those goals remains to be seen, but it's nice to have a more positive outlook for a change. I even took down the Christmas tree before New Year's and finally scheduled a lady doctor appointment like a real adult.

Onward.

Muppets and Pageant Hair

2011-12-20T15:06:00.000-08:00

Hola Internets!

I got my hair cut today, so I currently have pageant hair.

Not much else is new. My friends and I had a gift exchange this weekend, and my friend (who is obsessed with the Muppets) asked for something homemade, so I made her these:

I molded them out of modeling clay, and then painted them:

Here they are individually:

I put them in a Kermit lunchbox with some soaps from Anthropologie, OPI nail polish in Gettin' Miss Piggy With It, and a Simple Diary.

She almost cried when she opened the ornaments, which means I think I won the gift exchange. (What's that you say? Gift exchanges aren't a competition? Pshaw.)

My friend Ashley also won the gift exchange by giving me Uni-corn corn holders, a cross-stitching of a text she sent me that says "You are the Ann to my Leslie," and a One Line a Day Diary:

Unicorns, a Parks & Rec reference, and a non-traditional diary? You had me at unicorns.

We are headed to Hanukkah dinner now, so I'll have to save pictures from my other (more horse mask-focused gift exchange) for later.

Happy holidays Internets!

P.S. The Muppets were inspired by these most magnificent Cake Pops.

Does this make me a hipster?

2011-12-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

I tweeted this like, wayyyyy before the other millions of people were hating on Rick Perry.

Hashtag options:

#toldyousoTexas

#AdiosMoFo?

#Idislikepoliticiansthatdon'tevenexistyet

The jury is still out.

Winter Procrastination

2011-12-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

Sad Bailey is Sad

Not much is going on in my life at this moment, Internets, except my own procrastination. I am sitting in front of my fireplace, drinking a cider (with a teenytiny shot of cinnamon whiskey), looking at our Christmas decorations, and thinking about paying some bills.

I'm enjoying having evenings off.

Yes, the chickens have stockings

We ate fondue and put up our tree on my day off yesterday.

Abe cut off my feet when he took my picture, so I cut off his in retaliation.

I love wintertime.

Peektures

2011-12-02T21:34:00.001-08:00

I've been sort of obsessed with Instagram ~~lately~~ ever since I finally got an iPhone.

It makes my usually somewhat blurry/bizarre/crappy photos look halfway decent.

Here are some of my favorites. (I kind of want to make the last one into a poster and put it up on my wall.)

P.S. Yes, Abe was Colonel Angus for Halloween. I don't know.

Horses horses horses

2011-12-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

I have many posts I would like to write about many things.

Instead, I will show you a picture of part of a Secret Santa gift I'm putting together.

It is gonna be epic.

Also, on an unrelated note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE!

I am old.

The end.

Christmas spirit

2011-11-15T15:39:00.000-08:00

Normally, I don't get super into Christmas. It lacks the irreverence of Halloween, the relaxed atmosphere of Memorial Day or Labor Day, the food (mmm, the food) of Thanksgiving. Add in my recent grumpiness and anxiety, and the whole holiday makes me more jittery than jovial.

Recently, though, I've decided to turn over a new leaf and be more positive. In that spirit, I decided to watch a Christmas movie a day in November and December (my friend Ashley is joining me). Here is my schedule:

November
14. The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
15. Gremlins
16. A Midwinter's Tale
17. A Christmas Carol/Scrooge (1951)
18. We're No Angels (1955)
19. R Xmas
20. Love Actually
21. Home Alone
22. The Holiday
23. The Muppet Christmas Carol
24. A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
25. Mickey's Christmas Carol
26. Holiday Inn
27. Bad Santa
28. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (live action)
29. Olive the Other Reindeer
30. Comfort & Joy

December
1. White Christmas
2. Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus
3. Prancer
4. The Christmas Box
5. The Shop Around the Corner
6. Trading Places
7. Frosty the Snowman
8. The Bishop's Wife
9. Santa Claus the Movie
10. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
11. The Nightmare Before Christmas
12. Babes in Toyland
13. Christmas in Connecticut
14. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
15. The Santa Clause
16. The Polar Express
17. Blackadder's Christmas Carol
18. Miracle on 34th Street
19. Scrooged
20. Eight Crazy Nights
21. A Christmas Story
22. Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas
23. It's a Wonderful Life
24. Elf
25. A Charlie Brown Christmas

I tried to mix in some of my favorites with some movies I haven't seen, and in general, tried to go in order of increasing Christmasy-ness. (I had to include a Hanukkah movie and a Thanksgiving special.) I'll update with links sometime when I'm not typing this on a 15-minute break from work.

Is there anything I'm missing? What are your favorite Christmas movies?

It rained a little

2011-11-08T12:43:00.000-08:00

It rained a little yesterday, and (paradoxically?) the sun began to shine a little in my cloudy crazy head.

I've been too caught up in my job and personal life. I miss creating things. I want to sew cute bags, and do comedy, and find 101 ways to cook the eggs that are filling up my fridge. (Anyone want a dozen fresh eggs? Anyone? I'm serious.)

Anyway. This video is cool and made with real jelly beans.

It never rains in Austin except on my head

2011-11-04T19:07:00.001-07:00

Oh Internets.

Life has not been super bueno around these parts.

The weekend after Crazy Poop Lady left her mark on our front door, a drunk driver (Crazy Drunk Lady #2) drove into both Abe's and my parked cars. Neither was totaled, but the insurance situation is a mess - it was a hit & run, she's now in jail and not responding to the insurance company's requests for a statement, etc.
My job (which used to consist of mostly lovely interactions with lovely people) has lately mostly involved getting yelled at on the phone about things that aren't in my control. And two of my good friends and favorite coworkers are probably going to be let go.
We are about to put my condo on the market, and some unexpected repairs and fees (along with the vehicle repair nonsense) have us feeling a little financially strained.

I know so many people have things way worse - but I'm feeling run down. I wind up in tears from stress and anxiety pretty much every day. When neighbors knock on the door, my heart races and I wonder what horrible thing is about to happen. I'm irritable and grumpy - I'm sure I'm a joy to be around. Abe is so stressed enough about his new job that I'm reluctant to dump my problems on him.

I don't know what to do. Am I depressed or just sad? Anxious or just reacting logically to recent events?

Maybe in a few weeks I'll be back to my glass-is-half-full self, and have everything figured out again. I sure hope so.

Thanks for letting me vent, Internets.

Pooped

2011-10-17T13:08:00.001-07:00

Dear Internets,

I finally got a laptop (I love you, my lovely MacBook Pro). I'm finding it much more tempting to blog now that I'm not hen-pecking on an iPad.

Things are mostly good around these parts. Bullet points update on the goings-on at the Distractible household:

I've been at my "new" job 10 months. I work from home, and for the most part, I really like it.
We're getting the condo ready to sell.
Abe started work as a police officer, and for the most part, he really likes it.
The chickens started laying eggs. We average about two a day.
Bailey is awesome. He loves having me home all the time. We're thinking of doing a joint Halloween costume: him as a dalmatian, and me as Cruella de Vil.
We have another insane neighbor.

Wait, you say. What was that last one?

Well, we have another poop-smearing neighbor. She lives a few houses down, apparently. I say "apparently" because in the past 10 months, while we've seen and waved to her husband and daughters, we had never interacted with (or really even seen) her.

This all changed Saturday night when she tried to force her way into our house while drunk and on some type of drugs. She smeared blood (her own) and feces (hopefully not her own) all over our door. Her hands and feet were both bare.

We are not sure what, if anything, we did to make her angry. She said something about our dog, but Bailey doesn't bark, poop in neighbors' yards, or do anything that could possibly anger someone enough to go on a late-night poop-smearing expedition (as far as we know - he does spend an hour or two a week alone). She was arrested yesterday for something unrelated to the turd terrorism, so probably she's just nuts. (It was her second arrest this month, so if I had to guess...)

Anyway, that's what we're up to. Hopefully my lovely MacBook Pro will entice me to blog a little more often and my nutty neighbor will stay in jail. Miss you all.

Love,

Jane

Placeholder

2011-07-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Internets,

I'm trying to decide what to do with this blog. It somehow got integrated into Google+, and I can't figure out the privacy settings. I know there's always a chance that people-from-real-life will find my blog, but one or two internet-savvy friends is different than everyone who might add me on Google+.

People say you shouldn't blog anything you wouldn't want to read on the front page of a newspaper, but I'm not worried about that. I'm more concerned about accidentally offending people because I'm not a very good writer. (Several of my Facebook friends took offense to my stand up; they thought it was a purposeful attack. I'm still not sure exactly what they were talking about.)

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll figure something out eventually.

Hope you're well,

Jane

Sunday afternoon

2011-06-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

Hola Internets!

I've had a busy-ish couple of weeks.

I took the Friday before last off work, and Abe and I went to go see the Old 97's (The good: um, it was the Old 97's! And Rhett Miller & Sarah Jaffe sang "Fireflies"! The bad: many people there were not superfans. I caught a guy using Shazam during "Barrier Reef." Not cool, dude. The ugly: the AC was broken at La Zona Rosa. I almost melted into a simmering puddle until I realized dropping ice cubes down the front of my dress made the heat almost bearable.)

I spent the rest of the weekend hanging out with friends, which I haven't been able to do much since I started working nights. We saw Texas Roller Derby, ate the most delicious hot dogs ever, and hung out at my friend's pool. It was lovely.

Then I caught a cold, slept for two days, and coughed my way through the rest of the past (busy, hot) week. The only things I managed to accomplish were reading Mike Birbiglia's book (I read it in one night - it was a great way to make insomnia a little more hilarious) and feeding the chickens cherry tomatoes.

How've you been, Internets?

Chickens and bullet points

2011-06-01T13:07:00.001-07:00

Howdy Internets!

What's been going on? I have had a busy few months (if we can mutually decide that "busy" means I got a new job that involves working from home 100% of the time, and the resulting lack of structure and pajama-wear-as-workwear has led to my transformation into a complete sloth).

We have had some interesting new adventures at the Distractible household:

We've settled into the house, and are fixing the condo up so that we can rent it out.
Abe started the police academy.
These little guys joined our family:

...and quickly grew into gangly teenagers...

...who are now very lovely ladies who will (hopefully) soon be laying delicious eggs.
I watched an excessive amount of Netflix.
Random other things that seemed important at the time also occurred.

So what's new Internets? Have you too been watching an excessive amount of recorded television? Or have you been extremely productive in a way that will make me feel guilty and slightly jealous? Do you have new pets? New boyfriends? New children?

I missed you!

Janey's back. Back again.

2011-05-29T14:26:00.001-07:00

Dear Internets,

I missed you.

Love,
Jane

P.S. I figured this was the easiest way to break the silence.

Lack of internets, lack of interesting...

2011-02-24T21:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't had much internet access for the past couple of weeks. The few times I've logged in to Google Reader, I saw the ever-growing number of unread posts, cringed and/or sighed, and immediately closed my browser. It's all just too much to take in. I'm afraid I'll miss something.

My own life has been delightfully dull lately. In fact, this past week when my new employer had me take a "stress levels" test, I realized I'm less anxious and unhappy than I have been in ages.

[True story Internets: contentment does not generally lead me to produce good writing. Apparently, my creative engines run on strife and diet soda.]

Things are about to pick back up; Abe is starting the police academy next week, and I'm settling in to my new schedule working from home. I'm sure I'll get back into a worrying/blogging routine soon enough.

Until then, I think I'm going to enjoy the lull.

(lessthanthree)

2011-02-14T21:57:00.000-08:00

Oh Internets.

I love ya.

Love,
Sandra (aka Jane)

I Wish Wednesday

2011-02-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

I wish...

...Santana would sing more songs on Glee.

...cable news was more about being a journalist than being a jerk.

...people with smartphones would stop telling me how awesome their phones are.

...I had a smartphone.

...my taxes would magically do themselves.

...I still had lots of extra time to putter around on the Internets.

...it would stay warmer (but not *too* warm) for a while.

...my house and laundry would clean themselves.

What do you wish Internets?

Cold weather and house pictures

2011-02-01T17:29:00.000-08:00

Y'all. It's so cold and windy outside.

Abe went to Costco, but I prefer to experience the howling of the wind from the comfort of my pajamas. I don't know about you, but I believe that people who live in places with months of 100+ degree weather should be allowed to whine and sit inside by the fire when it gets cold enough to kill the aloe vera plants.

Ergo: wah!

I got sort of bored with whining (who knew that was possible?), so I decided to take some crappy cell phone pictures* of the kitchen/dining area of our house in its still-in-progress state.

*I still haven't packed and moved my camera charger because I'm lazy.

This is the kitchen/dining area:

Likes: the fireplace, the big window, over the sink, the color of the kitchen cabinets.

Dislikes: SoMuchBrick!, tile floors, kitchen lighting.

I'd like to paint the brick and take down the mantle, but 1.) I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to do that, and 2.) I'm afraid we might be overwhelmed by too much white space on the walls.

The tile floors would be great, except that they weren't sealed well when they were installed, and are prone to staining and sucking in dirt like weird little tile vacuums.

I'm not sure what we'll do about the lighting.

This is a better picture of the kitchen:

(Note the little bird salt and pepper shakers to the left of the fruit bowl. Love them.)

We painted the kitchen and dining area much brighter colors when we moved in (previously, the rooms were a combination of beige, dark grey, and wall-to-wall wood paneling). I love how bright the kitchen is.

On the other hand, I wish the countertops were solid surface instead of tile. I also have a love/hate relationship with the mini blinds. While the kitchen gets fantastic light during the day, and I love being able to open the blinds to let the sun in, the mini blinds are sort of ugly. Abe hates curtains, so I'm guessing we'll end up getting Venetian blinds or something similar.

I doubt that we'll upgrade the appliances (except maybe the fridge) since it's not our house.

So that is that.

In other news, here is a picture of Bailey looking pensive by the fire:

And here he is doing his Mrs. White impression:

"Fl- flames... Flames on the side of my face!"

And I think it's time for me to put the cell phone down now.

Greener thumbs and pastures

2011-01-30T13:02:00.000-08:00

I just accidentally "marked all as read" in Google Reader. It was super frustrating (but oddly strangely liberating at the same time). I hope I didn't miss anything important on the Internets. I pride myself on my blog stalking.

****

I start my new job tomorrow. Yikes!

****

Does you know of any good landscaping blogs? (As in the garden part of "home and garden," not personal grooming.) I have found more home design blogs than I have time to read, but my only inspiration for gardening at the moment is an old DVD of The Secret Garden. I'm not sure that Abe can stand listening to me wander around saying, "I'm in the gahhhhden... with Co-linnn...." so any suggestions are appreciated.

****

Have a great week!

Musings of the museless

2011-01-27T12:05:00.002-08:00

source

With all my free time I have this week, I should really be doing nothing but writing (comedy, blog posts... something!), but it hasn't worked out that way. I choose to blame my spotty internet connection and the fact that I store all of my documents "in the cloud." (I'm also really nervous that I'm not going to get this all straightened out before I start working from home next week, so I've spent a lot of time biting my nails and/or on the phone with various tech support people.)

No ability to focus = random thoughts. On to the bullet points!

I took my nephew with me to the feed store this morning so that I could make sure they sold the breed of chicks I'm hoping to get. (They do.) Charlie seemed a little afraid of the baby chicks and ducklings, but wanted to run onto the loading dock to get a better look at the heavy lifting equipment. Little boys are funny. I bought him a cap gun, because it seemed like the most irresponsible thing in the store (aside from the heavy lifting equipment). I imagine that when Abe and I have kids, payback will not be fun.
My friend's dog had puppies. As much as I want to go sit in a box full of puppies and have them climb all over me, I think instead I'm going to send her my thoughts on dog breeding and ask her if she feels comfortable discussing the issue with me. Hopefully, she won't breed her dog again.
We have had some interest from renters about our condo, which is kind of a relief and a stressor at the same time. I'm too young to be a landlady!
I was almost run over by a speeding FedEx truck today while taking in the recycling bin. The driver saw me at the last minute and swerved out of the way. My father and Charlie drove up just in time to witness the almost-accident. It turned out the truck was delivering a package to my parents' house down the street. The box contained carpet tiles for Abe's and my garage, which my dad wanted to install as a surprise. What do you call almost-horrible-dramatic irony?
Our dryer hasn't been hooked up yet, so I've been hanging everything to dry. Honestly, I can't tell a difference between clothes I've hung to dry and clothes that have been dried in a dryer. I'm beginning to wonder if my clothes dryer is a "convenience" that isn't necessarily always more convenient. I am all about skipping steps, especially when laundry is involved.
I need to post pictures of our house. It is sort of half-finished. The outside is being painted today, which will hopefully make it look less peel-y. We still have somuchwork. I'm remembering why owing a condo sounded so appealing.

Anyhoo, hope all is well in your neck of the woods, Internets. I think it might be nap time again.

Pass the bon-bons; I could get used to this

2011-01-25T12:59:00.001-08:00

I have a week off between jobs. I haven't been a *complete* bump on a log. I mean, we moved last weekend, and I've mostly unpacked, and I'm taking my niece to her swimming lesson this Thursday (which should be adorable), and I've set up pest control and cable and internet and phone service...

But... To be honest? Mostly, I've been napping, watching Netflix, and listening to this album.

I should probably get moving before I start growing moss. I think I might need another nap first, though.

Wednesday thoughts

2011-01-19T08:03:00.001-08:00

As I was leaving my house this morning, two of my neighbors were standing in the parking lot talking. I didn't recognize them (I have a really hard time recognizing even close acquaintances), but they looked up at me, so I waved.

One of them bolted across the parking lot and into her condo.

It was Neighbor With Psycho Boyfriend. Thanks to my inability to recognize faces, I am pretty sure I have inadvertently become Possible Sociopath Neighbor.

Who waves (and smiles somewhat blankly or creepily, depending on whether you prefer me to be a gynoid or a Glenn Close in this scenario) at the person whose boyfriend threw poop at her front door? Apparently I do.

Oops.

*****

We are (finally) moving this weekend. There's still so much work to be done at the condo and the house. It's overwhelming, but at least we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I didn't take any "before" pictures (I am lazy), but I will try to post some "in between" pictures so that you guys can give me decorating advice.

*****

We have had approximately one week of semi-winter-like weather in Austin (and by winter-like, I mean darkish, rainy, and mildly cold), and I'm already ready for spring. Mostly, I'm just ready for Daylight Savings Time and longer days in general. Sure, I'll be sad to lose an hour of sleep, but the extra sunshine will make up for it.

*****

Abe's childhood best friend (and my prom date) just invited us to his wedding. Abe and I are both really excited for him. D's one of those guys whose done so many different, interesting things (qualified for and run the Boston Marathon, volunteered in the Peace Corps, lived in Spain, biked across country, etc., etc., etc.), that I wasn't sure he'd ever find someone who could keep up with him. However, I'm pretty sure his fiancee fits the bill. (At our wedding, I told them they'd have really athletic babies someday. This is why I don't drink champagne!)

Coming cleanish

2011-01-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding this post for about a week (because I think there's a chance I might have made a mistake) but there's really no turning back at this point, so I might as well just say it:

I am changing jobs.

(Phew. That was not so bad.)

I am downsizing (-ish), taking a job with less responsibility and less stress (and yes, less pay). I weighed the pros and cons, and while I think this is the right move, there's always an element of doubt that creeps in with capital-letters Life Change.

I had been thinking about my career a lot since I got laid off last summer. I wasn't unhappy at my current job (my coworkers are nice, the benefits are great), but I wasn't really doing a very good job at it, either. I am a person who likes programming well enough; surrounded by people who *love* it, I felt like (and was, really) the weakest link. It's hard to spend 40 hours a week feeling utterly incompetent. It's even harder when your team is so nice about the fact that you're failing them on a daily basis.

While I don't necessarily think that this new job is my dream job, I do think it could serve as a great stepping stone. If you'll forgive the mixed metaphor, I think it may just be the key that unlocks the golden handcuffs that have kept me at my non-dream job.

For now, I think that's fine with me.

In which I get into dog politics

2011-01-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned yesterday, one of my friends just bred her dog. She asked me if I thought she was a bad person for breeding her (far from show quality) boxer, and I didn't know what to say.

I have strong but mixed feelings on dog breeding.

Both Bailey and my childhood dog Kahn were adopted from our local (kill) animal shelter. I intentionally chose to adopt mixed breed dogs both times (yes, even as a seven-year-old). For one thing, purebred dogs are more likely to be plucked out of kill shelters by rescue groups and I wanted to save a dog from euthanasia; for another, Bailey and Kahn were exceptionally cute. I also felt that mixed breed dogs had some advantages over purebred dogs.

I will be the first to admit that my anecdotal evidence is not valid scientific evidence. However, I will say that Kahn was exceptionally healthy for a large dog: he was 16 when he got arthritis and had to be put to sleep. Aside from a bee sting (which cleared on its own before we could get him to the vet), he never had a single health problem before the arthritis. Bailey just turned 8; although he has a nervous stomach and some allergies, he is an otherwise very healthy large dog with great joints and teeth, and is routinely mistaken for a 1- or 2-year-old puppy. I believe both dogs benefited from hybrid vigor.

On the other hand, both Kahn and Bailey grew much larger than predicted by the animal shelter. Both times, we thought we were getting 30-40 pound dogs, not 65 pound miniature ponies. We had no idea what to expect of their temperaments, coats, or exercise requirements. (Since both dogs were what my old vet Dr. Hot referred to as "a mix of every type of dog you'd expect to jump a fence in [a questionable Austin neighborhood]", we should have probably expected the following: strong prey drives, athleticism, and exceptional guard dog abilities.) Both dogs grew double coats that were not ideal for the allergy sufferers in my family. There were times when unexpected problems (Bailey's worship at the altar of non-stop barking, unexpected small animal aggression issues in both dogs, questions about whether mixed breed dogs by their very nature violate homeowners insurance rules against pit bulls) made us question whether or not we ever should have gotten dogs in the first place.

My experiences owning Bailey as an adult and helping raise Kahn as a child led me to my current position on dog breeding and adoption:

The ideal first dog is an older dog from a shelter or rescue group. You won't have to worry about its personality changing or it suddenly growing a double coat. Frequently, older dogs have had some (or lots of) training. Older dogs are (generally) a lot less work, and a lot easier for beginners. (Yes, they love you just as much. OMG. Seriously.)
Since just about everyone will ignore that advice (because OMG puppiez!!)(I am also guilty), I think there are two other good options:

Research dog breeds that suit your lifestyle (think 10 years from now, not just 10 minutes) and buy a puppy from a reputable breeder.
If you are a bit more flexible in terms of your requirements, adopt a puppy from your local animal shelter.

Please don't get a purebred dog from a breeder on the side of the road. Please don't get a puppy from a friend-of-a-coworker who "forgot" to get her dog spayed. While I'm sure both are probably perfectly nice people, they are contributing to the problem of unwanted dogs in shelters. Please, please don't buy a dog from a pet store.
Unless you know what you are doing and have an exceptionally healthy, high-quality, purebred dog, your dog needs to be spayed or neutered. The dog will be healthier and you will be saner. Bob Barker would thank you. Don't breed your purebred dog unless you have prearranged, well-screened homes for the puppies.

All of this is a long-winded way of asking you, Internets, how I should tell my friend I think she's made a terrible decision? How to I (gently) advise her against breeding her dog again?

"Millie" has always been a fairly responsible dog owner (aside from not spaying her dog). She loves her dog the way we should all love our dogs, and takes excellent care of her. I have no doubt that the puppies and mama dog will get proper veterinary care, and that Millie will do her best to try to find good homes for the pups. On the other hand, Millie's giving one of the puppies to her brother, who is notorious for keeping dogs until they are no longer puppies and then losing them or giving them away. She's also not entirely sure that she has homes for the other puppies.

I am not allowing myself to meet the puppies, because I'm afraid that with our new big backyard and Abe's love of boxers, we'll end up with one. I am not immune to puppy kisses.

Sigh.

Blogiverse non-awesomeness

2011-01-05T22:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Internets,

Sometimes I am not the brightest tool in the package of lightbulbs.

This is one of those times.

A week or so ago, some guy I'd never heard of emailed me to ask me if I wanted to buy the domain jamieann.com.

"Jamieann.com?" I thought. "Surely someone is not trying to steal JamieLovely's internet identity?"

I checked jamieann.net. All seemed normal.

Mistake the first
I did some thinking. "Jamie's readers number in the thousands," I thought. "This guy probably saw my blog, realized that I blog for ten or so people (on a good day), and figured he could scam me out of a credit card number."

Mistake the second
"I'll show him," I thought. "I'm not falling for this."

Mistake the third
I archived the email and promptly forgot about it.

Fast forward to about an hour ago. Lovely Jamie tweets that someone bought her domain name out from under her.

She is freaking out.

I feel an awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I don't know how to say this..." I start to write.

****

I feel AWFUL. Forwarding that email to Jamie with a quick, "Um, hey, WTFBBQ girl, everything OK w/your domain?" would have taken mayyyyyybe 5 seconds.

I think ultimately, I didn't forward the email because Jamie is kind of a big deal. What would she think if I emailed her out of the blue? What if all 5,000 of her blog readers/Twitter followers got the email? Surely one of them would have said something if it was legit. Worse, what if it wasn't legit? I'd look like the kind of girl who'd send money to get a Nigerian government official out of jail.

I didn't want Jamie to think I was some hayseed blogger who doesn't understand how the Internets works.

(Um, yeah. That worked out really well for me.)

The moral of this story is that the Internet is kind of like real life. Sometimes, you have to have the huevos to risk looking foolish or to talk to someone who intimidates you. Otherwise, you may end up being the person who was too distracted to save someone a lot of heartache.

Don't be a Jane.

Random Thoughts Wednesday

2011-01-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

I guess I've been reading Kim and Hillary's blogs for too long, because feel sort of weird posting random thoughts on a Wednesday instead of a Tuesday or a Friday. However, it's my first day back at work and I'm in a bullet points-y kind of mood today, so random thoughts/Wednesday faff is what you're gonna get.

I haven't seen my neighbor's crazy boyfriend since the poo incident. I'm hoping everything will blow over, and we will be able to move away without any more problems. I really do feel sorry for the girl -- she doesn't seem to be particularly crazy, just young. I also keep reminding myself that you should never argue with idiots, because they will just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. (I think the same rule applies to arguing with crazy people.)
Abe was kind of grumpy with me last night. I tossed and turned until he finally got up and slept on the couch. However, I think he sort of shares the blame for the debacle; I had fallen asleep for about 30 minutes when he came upstairs and woke me up to tell me goodnight. While I realize he was being sweet, my right side was sore from my stitches and vaccine and I was running a slight fever, so I could never really get comfortable again. Fortunately, we had both gotten over our grumpiness by this morning.
One of my friends just became a backyard dog breeder. She asked me if I thought she was a bad person, and I didn't know what to say. (I thought I was going to get away with making this a random thought, but my feelings on the subject are complex enough that I think they are going to turn into a post.)
My cubicle mate just announced that she's pregnant. I'm so freaking jealous. I keep telling myself that well-meaning family and friends would smother me with affection/questions/advice if I got pregnant right now, and that it would drive me crazy, but I keep landing back on jealous.
I think Depeche Mode should create their own line of individually wrapped cheddar products: Your Own... Personal... Cheeses

Baby New Year seems like kind of a jerk

2011-01-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

I almost always try to cram too many things into my last couple days of vacation. Eye appointments, vet appointments, laundry. The list goes on and on.

Today after an unsuccessful visit to the eye doctor (they changed ownership and no longer take my insurance), I grabbed fast food lunch (the healthy eating will start tomorrow, I guess), and headed home to watch bad television and finish some laundry.

I heard what sounded like a series of loud knocks on the door. Thinking it was an overly-assertive UPS guy, I opened the door.

Smashed eggs and dog poo slid down the door and into the entryway. I saw my neighbor's boyfriend walking across the parking lot away from our door and back to his girlfriend's condo.

Said neighbor's boyfriend has been known to be kind of a jerk. In the past few weeks, his (off-leash) dog has attacked Bailey twice, once while I was getting out of my car and was physically unable to get out from the middle of the dog fight. Abe and I both suggested he walk his dog on a leash to avoid future altercations. He replied that we were "f---ing f----ts." For the next few days, he made a point of creepily watching me as I walked to my car on my way to work.

Still, this latest act seemed really violent and out-of-the-blue. I called the police and the property management company.

The property manager was on the phone with another owner when I called. When she called back, she told me that she'd been on the phone with another owner whose dog had been attacked by the boyfriend's off-leash dog that morning. As a result of the morning's dog attack (as well as several other reports from other residents), the boyfriend and his dog (neither of whom were on the lease) had been evicted a few hours prior.

Apparently, the jerk boyfriend assumed that since we were the ones who'd complained to him about his off-leash dog, we were the ones who got him evicted.

Of course, when the police officer questioned him about the dog feces and eggs on our door, the boyfriend denied any involvement and said he'd seen "suspicious looking kids wandering around the complex." While the police officer is filing a report (which will help if a pattern of psycho behavior develops), it's really our word against crazy boyfriend's at this point.

To top all this off, when the police officer came by to talk to me, Bailey got so excited that he knocked a glass off the coffee table and broke it. I tried to clean it up too quickly and cut my hand.

Five stitches and a tetanus shot later, I think it's safe to say that this has been kind of a bad day.

2010 Q&A

2010-12-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

I read once (I wish I remember where) that as you get older, the highs and lows become less and less dramatic – age, in effect, is like lithium.

This has not been the case for me. This past year has been a flipping rollercoaster. While I am exceptionally fortunate in so many ways, life has not been without difficulties, especially this past year.

This survey by Rachel is a great way to capture my 2010:

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Got married. Performed standup comedy. Went to Greece. Got laid off from a job. Patched drywall. Got ordained and wrote and performed a wedding ceremony that made people cry.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I had a 30 Before 30 list. I didn't manage to achieve all of my goals, but I accomplished some of them. I have different ideas for next year.

3. What countries did you visit?

USA, Greece (during the riots), and London, UK (for one rainy, somewhat dreary night)

4. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

More hours in the day? Better organization skills?

I don’t think I lacked anything in 2010. I’d like to do a lot of things differently in life, but I feel like I’m really lucky overall. We’re moving into a house in 2011, so I’d like that to go well. I’d like to find good renters for the condo, and I’d like for the condo market in Austin to improve enough for us to be able to sell the condo.

Abe is starting the police academy, so I hope that goes well and that he stays safe. I’d like to start my own business someday – if inspiration strikes in 2011, I’ll be extremely pleased.

I’d like to have a baby, but Abe isn’t quite ready for that.

5. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?

March 26^th – our wedding.

Runners up:
March 29^th – my first standup comedy performance
May 4^th – watching the news in our hotel room in Athens and realizing that people had died in riots just a few blocks from our hotel.
June 14^th – I got laid off from my job.
October 30^th – I performed the wedding ceremony for two of my friends.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year??

I faced some of my biggest fears – commitment, public speaking, job loss – and I think I came through stronger on the other side.

7. What was your biggest failure?

I failed to complete my half marathon training, and I haven’t stayed active at all in the past few months. I have not focused on my health.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had some knee problems that started after I became inactive.

9. What was the best thing you bought?

Abe replaced his unreliable gass-guzzling F150 with a slightly less gass-guzzling (and much less polluting) small SUV. Eventually I’ll get him into a hybrid or electric car.

For myself, I bought several pieces of (inexpensive) mother-of-pearl jewelry that I wear almost every day.

10. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Abe. He’s really more wonderful than I deserve. My friends and family – they are also more wonderful and supportive than I deserve.

11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I don’t know about “appalled,” but I was absolutely terrified after the riots in Athens. I just wanted to go home, honeymoon be damned. Police, government officials, taxi drivers – everyone seemed to be on edge and ANGRY. But the kind and wonderful people we met eventually outweighed the scary and stressed out people.

12. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I get really, really, really excited about a lot of things. Our wedding was amazingly fun. Performing standup was a blast. Searching for jobs ended up being an experience that taught me a lot about myself.

Small things make me really excited too: my niece started walking, jumping, dancing, talking. I’ve become one of her favorite people, and I absolutely adore spending time with her. I loved making handmade Christmas and birthday gifts this year.

I’m excited about moving, but I don’t know if I’d say I’m “really, really, really” excited about it.

13. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Two songs will always remind me of our wedding – “Question” by the Old 97’s (we practiced the dance so flipping much) and “Tonight’s Gonna Be a Good Night” by the Black Eyed Peas. They’re not 2010 songs, but they’ll always remind me of the wedding.

As far as the song that will always remind me of 2010? Probably “F—K you” by Cee Lo Green.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

Happier. (I think I said that last year too. High five for happy stretches!)

15. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Laughing. Dancing. Forgiving people right away. Writing. Smiling. Singing silly songs. Making gifts. Drawing. Cooking. Exercising. Traveling. Calling my parents just to tell them I love them.

16. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying. Biting my nails. Procrastinating.

17. How will you be spending Christmas?

Spent it with family (and painting the new house).

18. Did you fall in love in 2010?

I fell in love all over again with Abe, my family, my niece and nephew, my friends, my fellow bloggers. I am surrounded by some of the most wonderful people in the world.

19. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hmmm… Hate is a pretty strong word. I’m not overly fond of a few people, but active hatred takes an awful lot of energy. I’m pretty lazy, so hatred is mostly a flash-in-the-pan sort of emotion for me.

20. What was the best book you read?

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.

21. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I discovered an entire new genre (funk/soul) that makes me feel (ooooooh!) so brand new.

22. What did you want and get?

Married! A new job. A sewing machine. GPS for my car.

23. What did you want and not get?

A new career.

24. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30. I thought it would be a Big Deal, but my coworkers forgot, my friends were all out of town, and Abe and my family used up all of their inspiration on Christmas gifts.

Not having a big celebration was actually kind of awesome. In my head, turning 30 was this Dramatic Event, but it turned out to be no big deal. The world carried on spinning. Who knew?

25. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I was going to say winning the lottery, but honestly, I’m not sure I could handle another stressful event this year.

So… nothing? Wow.

26. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I wore cute dresses just about every day this summer (it’s too hot for pants!). My new boss even asked if I wore dresses for religious reasons.

Then it became winter and I got cold and lazy and started wearing what my sister called “fat lady clothes.” Whatever.

27. What kept you sane?

Friends, family, Netflix, Reddit, Google Reader.

28. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hmmm… Oddly I think I tended to fancy manlier men than I’ve ever liked before. Matt Damon (LOVE HIM IN COMEDY XOXO)… David Boreanaz (dirty cheater that he is).

29. Who was the best new person you met?

Frank, Sam, Karen and the rest of the people I met doing comedy are awesome. The new peeps at my new job were pretty cool for the most part. I met a few new interesting people traveling, but no one I kept in touch with.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010?

Life’s not about what you accomplish. It’s about how you get there, and who holds your hand (or your hair back) along the way.

13 Before 31

2010-12-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

It is better to fail at your own life than to succeed at someone else's.
-André Gide

The past few years, I've made lists of very specific goals that I wanted to achieve before my next birthday. 30 before 30, 29 before 29, etc.

For the most part, the list-making has been pretty successful. I've tried things I wouldn't have otherwise attempted, and overall, I've had fun.

This past year, though, I got a little burned out on the whole process. It all started to remind me of the annual review process I've gone through every year at every job I've ever had since I was 16:

Write a list of goals (don't make too many!)
Make sure they are SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Tangible!
Answer the "W" questions - Who will help me achieve these goals? When will I achieve them? etc.
Revisit these goals frequently to measure your progress!
...
???
I am sure there's more, but I'm already bored out of my skull. (Business jargon. Blah!)

Aside from the "don't set too many goals!" thing, I followed this process obsessively. Why? Because it's what "experts" suggest works best.

This year, I say screw the experts. I'm not just crossing things off some Outlook Life Tasks Lists until I clock out of my time on earth. I am out for fun, evolution, and irreverence. I want to squeeze as much learning, creativity, inspiration and laughter out of life as I can, even if that means I sometimes end up doing things my own way.

So without further ado, I present to you my non-specific, difficult-to-measure, perhaps unattainable and unrealistic, completely intangible list of goals for my 31st year:

Win a contest of some kind
Do something, preferably regularly (weakly? hardy har...), that makes me feel stronger or healthier
Solve some sort of mystery
Do something, or several things, to help relocate my mojo
Overcome some type of challenge, obstacle, or fear
Don’t act my age every once in a while
Question the truth behind truisms - think critically
Have a brush with greatness
Live out the lyrics of a song
Go on an adventure
Cut someone some slack
Be honest about something when it would be easier to keep my mouth shut
Replace something (or several things) on this list with other (open-ended) (or not!) goals as I see fit

What do you think, Internets? Do you think I'm dooming myself to failure, or do you think I'm on to something? Do you have any goals (specific or vague) that you want to achieve in the new year or before your next birthday?

Sometimes I read books

2010-12-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

When I'm not reading the edit history and/or talk pages of various Conspiracy Theory wikis, I occasionally read books. (On paper even. With my eyeballs!)

A coworker decided this meant I should join Goodreads. So I did. (Peer pressure woo!)

Anyhoo, if you have a Goodreads.com account Internets, we should be friends!

(Did my peer pressure work? If so, please do not judge me for my terrible to mediocre taste in literature.)

I'm pretty lazy when it comes to social networking (my Twitter is sadly neglected, I willfully ignore Facebook, and my blog commenting is sporadic at best), so I don't know if I'll be a very good Goodreader. But I'll try my best.

Movie Poster Christmas Gift

2010-12-20T08:45:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to post pictures of the Secret Santa gift I made for my friend Lo last week, but things have been kind of nuts in the Distractible household lately. We've been working on the house every day after work and all day on weekends. Time passes quickly when you measure it in coats of paint and patches of drywall.

Anyhoo, enough excuses. On to the gift.

This is Lo.

She loves old movies, cocktail parties, and being fabulous. She ~~hates~~ also loves being Rickrolled.

These are my friends who took part in the gift exchange.

photo by Melanie Dodds

At some point a year or so ago, we realized that we could use the first letters of our last names to spell out "BABAAM!" (With the exception of me, no one is particularly nerdy, but we all appreciated the Batman onomatopoeia.)

When it was time to open gifts, I handed Lo a gift bag. Inside was this shirt:

source

(I know no one is Rickrolling people anymore except me, but it never gets old.)

After I finished laughing, I gave Lo her real gift to unwrap.

The gift was originally supposed to be entirely movie-themed (there was a snafu due to my inability to read - don't ask), so I made the gift box look like a clapperboard. I forgot to take pictures, but it looked something like this:

The clapperboard clapper thingy actually worked! (Take that random coworker who said it would be too complicated and I should just put the gift in a popcorn bucket!)

Inside were a couple of small pug-related gifts inside to replace the movie gifts that didn't work out, and a couple of gifts from her wishlist.

I also gave her three framed pictures of drawings I made:

The third picture was Lo and her two sisters on a "How To Marry a Millionaire" poster. (I forgot to upload it.)

Since I had the frames, paper, and mats on hand, I was able to buy from her wishlist and give Lo a personalized gift without going over the spending limit.

Overall, I think the gift was a hit.

Painting, drawing, musing

2010-12-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

We spent the weekend painting the living room and making repairs at my grandma's house. Abe's parents helped us. (I still get a little nervous around Abe's parents, even though they are probably the nicest in-laws I could have asked for. Social awkwardness FTW!) I should have probably taken before/during/after pictures, but I'm a little lazy and forgetful about that sort of thing. There's still a lot of work that needs to be done, so there will be plenty of opportunities for pictures of the rest of the house.

***

Tonight my friends and I are getting together for our annual gift exchange. I had a really awesome gift planned for the friend whose name I drew, but the entire gift creation/shopping process was a comedy of errors, and almost nothing worked out the way I originally planned. I'll post pictures of the part of the gift I made tonight (just in case she secretly reads this blog). The gift turned out OK, but not as perfectly as I had originally planned. C'est la vie.

***

I have been a little frustrated by the semi-anonymity of my blog lately. Mostly only friends and family know about my blog (and I'm a pretty open book as far as they're concerned), but nagging doubts in the back of my head that a stray boss or frenemy might secretly be reading sometimes keep me from being completely open.

I guess I should just remember this:

via

...and continue to keep my secrets to myself until they are ready to be shared with the world.

Sigh.

And now for something completely different...

2010-12-08T10:27:00.001-08:00

Turning 30 was not so bad after all. As I told Kim on Twitter, it really just means that my next major birthday is 33 (when I celebrate the end of Prohibition). The actual celebration was very low-key: my friends all left town, my coworkers forgot (they normally decorate cubicles for office birthdays), and Abe and my parents decided my birthday was too close to Christmas and Thanksgiving to think of creative gift ideas. It was kind of perfect.
My ~~main job~~ life in general is making me insane in the membrane. It seems like every time I think I finish a project or goal, said project/goal sprouts two more heads. (Too bad it was Hercules, not Achilles, who slayed the Hydra. Hardy har.)
I have an unhealthy obsession with Raising Hope. Watching the show is usually the high point of my week. Abe loves it too. I don't think we've had this much mutual appreciation for a TV show since Arrested Development (or maybe earlier seasons of The Office).
Speaking of television, for the past two weeks, almost every TV show I watch (I only watch comedies/dramedies for the most part) has made me cry. Is that normal?

On my doorstep this morning...

2010-12-02T08:51:00.001-08:00

Pink peonies, tulips, and Gerbera daisies... I really do have awesome friends.

(Abe was the one who found the flowers. He said he was tempted to throw away the card and say they were from him. I'm pretty sure he knows these are my three favorite flowers, but finding them out of season in my favorite color? I think I would have figured out that my friend Lyndee had something to do with it.)

It's time for me to start looking on the bright side again, Internets. Here's to the next three decades!

Countdown to 30

2010-11-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

I'm turning 30 this week. I don't really wan't to talk about it.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think 30 is old, or that life is passing me by. (Helpful note to any young person who happens to read this: when you turn 25, you are not "getting SO old." However, you do make anyone older than you feel sort of matronly/spinsterly when you complain about how terrified you are to turn 27.) There's nothing I really can't do anymore at 30, except maybe be a high-dollar hooker. And to be honest, I don't know enough about the career path to know whether that particular door has closed or not.

I am in a funk, though. I don't know if it's my birthday, our upcoming move, the holidays, or just my old friend Depression rearing its ugly head, but I can't seem to clear the fog. I've disabled as many birthday auto-reminders as I can so that friends and acquaintances will forget to say anything. I'm just not in a mood to celebrate myself.

It's about time for me to post my list of "30 Things I'm Proud to Have Accomplished," for my 30 Before 30 list. I made a list of accomplishments, but I feel like posting it would be dishonest. It's not time for my greatest hits; I'm still in my sophomore slump.

I don't mean to be a downer. Soon enough, life will be all baby chickens and new beginnings, and I'll barely remember feeling so worried and discouraged.

I'm just not quite there yet.

I'm not a chicken; you're all turkeys

2010-11-25T10:20:00.001-08:00

Dear Internets,

To my American readers: happy Thanksgiving! Don't eat too much turkey (or tofurkey, if that's what floats your gravy boat).

To everyone: thank you for all of the joy, thoughtful discussion, love, positivity, and humor you have brought into my life. Here's to many more years of sharing stories.

Cheers!
DistractibleJane (aka Sandra)

On my mind, pt. 2

2010-11-24T12:55:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, some coworkers were joking about why there was a low response rate to an important email that had been sent out at work.

"It's because 29-year-olds are too focused on 'American Idol,'" one 40-ish coworker said.

"And 'Dancing With the Stars,'" another chimed in.

I was pretty sure they were wrong (Cheesy reality TV? That's all 29-year-olds obsess over?), but I kept my mouth shut.

It suddenly occurred to me that although I am 29 (for another week, at least), I really have no clue what 29-year-olds like.

I always thought it was Conan, Facebook, and complaining about student loans.

On my mind, pt. 1

2010-11-22T12:30:00.001-08:00

Achilles (I think I'm just going to start calling him Abe from now on) and I are moving in a month or two.

We're going to live in my grandmother's house because it shouldn't sit empty; because it has a huge backyard for Bailey; because it's cheaper and closer to work.

We can't sell the condo right now, so we'll rent it out. I'm not sure that I want to be a landlord, but I think the move will be a good thing. Abe, Bailey and I aren't exactly cramped in the condo, but we'll definitely enjoy a little more room to breathe. It'll be nice to have curb-side recycling and a garden that isn't planted in pots. I'll have a compost bin, and my dad said he'll help me get started raising a few chickens.

Still, it breaks my heart a little to leave my condo. Sure, I joked that ghosts broke every appliance in my first year of home ownership, but I love the high ceilings, the natural light, the safe neighborhood, and the friendly neighbors who tell me over and over how much they adore Bailey.

My grandma's house is older, and a bit dreary. Our new neighbors have emphasized that they are not dog fans, and that they expect that Bailey will not bark. The neighborhood... is a little sketchy, sometimes.

Most likely, things will turn out fine. Most likely, we won't end up with tenants from hell who destroy the condo. We'll clean and paint my grandma's house, and it will feel just as bright and happy as our condo did. Most likely, we'll get along with our neighbors. Maybe they'll even learn to like Bailey, or at least to get along with him.

Most likely, it'll be a good step.

I'm just a little scared to pick up my foot.

Brain freeze

2010-11-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

I've been busy with endless deadlines and emergency requests at work. I was so tired today that I thought to myself, "I can't remember if the city in Turkey is called Istanbul or Constantinople." Three minutes later, this song came on the radio. It was surreal... for so many reasons.

***

In other news, I love Gweneth Paltrow. This week's episode of Glee was the first one I've enjoyed this season.

***

After spending A LOT of time with extreme extroverts lately, I realized that two qualities I really value in others are the ability to think carefully and the ability to listen thoughtfully. I know a lot of people who regularly think things through, and several good listeners, but only two or three people who regularly do both. I really treasure their friendship. I am not always the world's greatest listener myself (the thinking takes over sometimes and I start going off on tangents), so I'm grateful that they put up with me. Introverts FTW!

Random question

2010-11-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else so afraid of X-rays that you'd rather disrobe completely at the airport than go through one of the full-body scanners? When you read articles that compare the level of radiation exposure to the amount of radiation you'd be exposed to on the plane, do you decide that maybe travel doesn't sound so fun after all?

Just me? Sigh.

I realize I'm in the minority, but I'm not afraid of plane crashes or terrorists - I'm afraid of radiation poisoning and cancer. (I sort of blame one of my aunts for my phobia; when I was about five or six she told me that using microwave ovens and electric blankets would cause all my hair to fall out.)

For the record, I'm not just afraid of radiation exposure at airplanes and airports. I'm also afraid of granite countertops, cell phones, faulty medical equipment, and radioactive soil. I'm highly suspicious of the massive power grid near my condo, my car, my computer, and my household appliances.

However, even though I'm a paranoid weirdo, I'm also a realist. I will continue to talk on my cell phone and use my appliances (although I don't microwave any plastic). If it's a choice between being a part of modern society and being a hermit in the woods, I vote for facing my fears. I never liked camping that much anyway. (I'll save my discussion of my fear of tree roaches for another post.)

I still refuse to use an electric blanket, though. Old habits die hard.

5 Thoughts Friday

2010-11-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

I've had a few topics swirling around in my head this week, competing against each other to become full-fledged blog posts.

Usually when I get more than one idea at a time, they end up engaging in a death match in my brain that no one wins (especially me). None of the topics ever get written about and I just give up and post a love letter to bananas or something. But since I can't eat bananas anymore (sigh), I figured I might as well write previews of the posts that (let's face it) will probably remain unfinished.

1. Cookies and Cream Cheesecake Cupcakes

I made these cupcakes a couple of weeks ago. They were my first attempt at any sort of cheesecake, and they were *amazing*.

I took pictures and everything, ready to tell you all about the cupcakes, and to document my plans for mini cupcakes. Then my camera battery died and I couldn't find my charger, and the hard drive on my home computer filled up and I had to get a new backup drive, and... well, let's face it. I don't really need excuses to procrastinate. When the universe actually provides me with excuses? I can't help myself.

2. "Sorry I haven't posted"

I may have changed my mind about "Sorry I haven't posted" posts after following a link to this site. Holy moly!

Then again, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy reading a whole bunch of "first posts," or "I'm pregnant" posts, or even "I won the lottery!" posts in aggregate either (well, unless the lottery winners were like these folks).

3. The political party I have decided to found

This one was inspired by watching a combination of too much South Park (I know) and political coverage (I know).

I have decided to create a new political party. I will call it the Hindsight Party.

We won't actually have a political platform or say anything specific about what we actually plan to do. Oh no. "Doing things" can get you into trouble. We'll just run a lot of political ads that showcase what the other political parties did wrong.

I figure we'll be able to make a strong run in about 10 years. I already have our slogan:

"Hindsight 2020!"

4. Internet mobs

I've been following this story, mostly because it seems to be following what I've decided to call The Typical Pattern of Internets Drama. (Some perpetual grad student somewhere should totally do a case study...)

The mob starts out relatively harmless: build up of dismay/outrage as the story spreads; various celebrities weigh in; servers temporarily crash; Facebook fan page overrun with angry comments that evolve (devolve?) into a (rather funny) meme; etc.

However, at a certain point in the life cycle of every internet mob, the REAL crazy people jump in. (You recognize them by their valid-sounding threats to do things that could probably land them in jail.) Watching their antics on Facebook and elsewhere can get a little bit frightening.

Still. I can't look away.

5. The kitteh

Someone dumped a kitten in our parking lot on election night. It was one of the first cold nights of the year, and it was scared, cold, and crying as loudly as it could.

I wanted to help the kitten, but there were several problems. First, Bailey is pretty sure that kittens are a delicacy of which we have been depriving him for his entire life. (It is part of his "they save all the *good* food for themselves" conspiracy theory.) I didn't want to tempt fate (or Bailey) too much by bringing a helpless kitten into the house.

Second, I'm super allergic to cats. The last time I stayed the night in a house with a cat, I had to spend the next day hooked up to a breathing machine in my doctor's office, listening to a lecture about otherwise healthy people who have died from asthma because they didn't get to a hospital in time. Again, I figured it was best not to tempt fate.

Lastly, it was 2:00 a.m., too late to call any of my cat rescue-y friends. (I did attempt a couple of texts. I hope karmic retribution won't be too bad.)

I filled a box with blankets and hot water bottles, put out some food and water, told my neighbor I'd deal with the kitten in the morning if she'd just please stop chasing it away with a broom for one night, and tucked the kitten in on our front porch.

(Spoiler alert: one of my friends adopted the kitten the next morning. Kitten and family are doing well.)

***THE END***

P.S. My brain feels better. Have a nice weekend!

Thoughts on diction

2010-10-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

I just saw a sign at a bank that said "Servicing Austin for over 14 years!"

I guess that's technically correct, but I would have gone with "serving Austin" myself. I don't really want to think about my bank "servicing" me. Maybe my mind is in the gutter, but the wording made me immediately think of things I don't want my bank doing to me. [I encourage banking-related puns in the comments.]

The wording on the sign reminded me of a customer service promotion at the grocery store that drove me absolutely bonkers:

Managers: We want you to provide OUTRAGEOUS customer service!"
Jane: Really. Outrageous. You're sure about that?
Managers: Absolutely! We want our customers to TALK about the service they get here.
Jane: Um, I think customers not talking about us at all would be better than having them call our customer service "outrageous."
Managers: Silly girl.
Jane: Oh whatever.

As tempted as I was to actually provide "outrageous" customer service, I was too much of a chicken. Oh well.

P.S. On a tangentially related note, is 14 years really a long time? Am I just getting old?

Discussions

2010-10-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

I was at a dinner party the other night, and I overheard a woman say this:

"Expectations are premeditated disappointment."

I asked her to elaborate, because I wasn't sure I agreed.

Her point was this: you should have standards for others (i.e. they treat you with respect) and goals for yourself (i.e. she wants to become a CEO of a non-profit someday), but not the expectation that you can rely on anyone but yourself.

If you expect your boyfriend to throw you a big surprise party for your birthday and instead he takes you to a quiet dinner, you will be disappointed. If you expect to be promoted through the ranks at your job, you may not only end up being overlooked for promotions, you may miss out on other opportunities. You have to take the reins and take charge of your own destiny: throw your own parties, make your own path in life.

I decided that I agreed with her, but several of my friends had different opinions.

One of my friends said it's impossible for her to distinguish between expectations and wants. "I want, no I EXPECT my fiance to throw me a damn surprise birthday party at least once before we have kids!" she insisted. We laughed.

Another woman said that while she never expects things from others - for example, that they abide by the Golden Rule - it's important to realize that there's a reason that truisms become cliche: they're often valid. You can't expect your own positive (or negative) energy to be reflected back to you, but in most cases, it will.

My friend Annie was the main voice of dissent: "Life is all about expectations!" she said. "I have them about everybody, everything, every new person I meet or every day at work. Yes I'm disappointed, all the time, in lots of ways, but to me dealing with disappointment is life, that's what makes it real, not like a movie or fairy tale. And every once in awhile something unexpected happens, something better than I expected, and I love those moments the best."

What do you think, Internets? Are expectations premeditated disappointment? How can there be so many ways to see the glass half full?

Goals update

2010-10-13T12:12:00.001-07:00

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
-Woody Allen

Last year, I made a list of 30 things I wanted to accomplish before my 30th birthday.

I've crossed several of my goals off the list so far, and I'm on my way to crossing off several more. However, at some point this year, I realized I was, perchance, a *tad* ambitious in making my list.

Sure, it's probably possible to plan a wedding, travel abroad, start a business, learn a new language, regularly do yoga, train for a half marathon, learn to sew, perform stand up comedy, purge your house of unnecessary items, learn to play a musical instrument, work a second job, be a good friend, sister, wife, daughter, and aunt, take care of your house, dog, houseplants, and self, and do all the other things you enjoy doing, all while (oh yeah!) looking for (and then starting) a new job because you've just been unexpectedly laid off.

It's just not possible for me.

For one thing, I'm not addicted to crystal meth. For another, I'm a very easily distracted person. (Sure, performing stand up once is exciting. You know what's better? Finding out that it's one of the most incredibly fun things you've ever done and deciding to make it a permanent hobby.) Flexibility is one of my core values.

With that in mind, I decided to update the remaining items 30 before 30 list. I decided to give up on some of the goals for now (does "postpone" sound better?). Honestly, I'm already a little sad about turning 30; I don't need to create an additional list of regrets for myself on my birthday.

Here are the items I'm giving up on (for now):

7. launch an Etsy shop I thought about trying to sell little birds/dogs/etc, but I don't know if I'd really be adding unique items to the Etsy universe. I also created some 3D cookie cutters (unicornz! they sit on ur coffee cups!), but again, I wasn't sure they were unique enough to justify opening an Etsy shop.
14. learn to sew I just didn't have time.
22. go to the dentist (twice) This isn't going to happen, unless I go in the next couple of weeks and have to go back immediately to have extra work done. I'm a terrible person. I have no excuse.
25. learn to play 30 songs on the ukulele I found a guitar school that gives ukulele lessons; I may take lessons next year.
26. learn to drive a stick shift Achilles drives a stick shift, but his truck is on its last legs. I don't want to be responsible for dealing the truck its death blow.
27. attend 30 yoga classes I love yoga, but this goal was stressing me out (ahh, irony)
28. complete savings vs. lottery experiment I couldn't keep up with winning lottery tickets long enough to cash them, so I decided the experiment was a failure and ended it early. (Actually... maybe I could mark this one "complete"...)

So that I end on a positive note, here's my list of goals that I've either accomplished since my last update or that I'm still going to work on (even though I might modify them somewhat):

1. meet 30 new people DONE! Amazing how a new hobby and a new job will take care of this sort of thing for you.
2. read 30 (non-self help) books Thanks to joining a book club at my new job and a reusable grocery bag full of mystery novels from my mom (whatever... beach reads totally count - I love you, Stephanie Plum!), I think I'll finish this one up this month.
3. watch 30 of the IMDB Top 250 films DONE this summer! Thank you Netflix instant streaming and summertime under-employment! (I will post a list of my favorites at some point if people seem interested.)
6. run a half marathon I may have to give up the "run" on this one, but I think I can still run/walk the half marathon I'm registered for and finish in the required time.
8. try 30 new foods DONE! I finished this a while back. When I actually started tracking new foods I tried, I realized I'm actually a pretty adventurous eater. I'll even try unusual meats (gator, snake, other weird game). I think the confusion about my so-called "picky eating" was a result of my inability to eat habanero peppers. (For the record, I have decided that the rule is that you're picky if you refuse to *try* new foods, not if you try them and don't like them.)
9. save $5000 DONE! When I found out I was going to be laid off at the end of the summer, I went into Big Saver mode and knocked this goal out (and then some).
10. volunteer at least 30 hours of my time I don't think I'm going to make this. Still, I have a couple months, and since this is a worthwhile goal, I want to make as much progress as possible.
11. every 3 months, donate 30 items to Goodwill or Salvation Army Still trucking... An acquaintance who saw my list of goals commented that I must have "a lot of stuff." He was a single guy who had never moved in with another person, been given a bunch of duplicate (non-returnable) wedding gifts, or stayed up too late watching a Hoarders marathon. It's easier to accumulate stuff than he thinks.
12. sell 30 items on Craigslist or Ebay Despite accidentally leaving my Half.com account on "vacation mode" since the wedding, I've sold over 20 items. I'll get there, if I'm aggressive.
16. be able to do 30 military style push-ups I'm going to start to work seriously on this, I think, if only because having a deadline may make this one more fun. But I don't think it's going to happen.
19. go on a road trip DONE! I did this two days before I got laid off. I never got around to posting about it (wonder why), but we took a road trip to Dublin, TX.
20. win a contest of some kind I can't think of any contests I've won this year. I suppose I could say I won the "most likely to be laid off" contest at my last job... Still, this is so open-ended, I can't give up on it yet.
24. learn to make a daisy chain
29. make a list of the top 30 things I'm most happy to have already crossed off my bucket list
30 skip at least one item on this list DONE! In fact, I knocked this one out of the park!

Halloween costume rant 2010.1

2010-10-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

I thought Sesame Street was the *least* sexy street in America, but what do I know?

http://gothamist.com/2010/02/10/sesame_street_2.phphttp://gothamist.com/2010/02/10/sesame_street_2.php

Must stop thinking about this before I start making Sesame Street-walker puns.

And then I cried for like 15 minutes...

2010-10-03T20:39:00.001-07:00

My most recent stand up video:

The crowd was small, and I'm not sure I made the best possible wardrobe decisions, but overall I'm happy with my performance. I'll keep working on it.

Crazy

2010-09-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's surreal to see pictures of dogs searching a building for a gunman and think, "I used to have a French lab in that building."

My thoughts are with my friends, current and former coworkers, and everyone else around UT campus this morning. Be safe.

Love,
J

Pandora

2010-09-27T08:23:00.001-07:00

I really love the covers of pop songs that Johnny Cash did late in his career (U2, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, etc).

I know it's probably sort of wrong to say this, but I really wish he'd lived long enough to do a cover of Poker Face.

***

My show last Monday was so much fun. I'm going to post a recap soon. I'm doing the same set tonight (and videotaping it) - I should have the video up next week.

***

I performed at my first open mic last week. It was way less scary than I imagined. Well, except that I did a joke about green dye being toxic, and there was a guy in the front row who had tattooed his entire body (including his face and scalp) green. But whatever. Irony is funny, right?

***

One more weekend of job #2, then ACL weekend (and a house-full of house-guests), and I'll finally (FINALLY!) have a weekend off again. I'm so excited.

Scatterbrained

2010-09-20T06:03:00.000-07:00

I'm performing stand up tonight. This time, instead of performing at a show for beginners, I'm performing at an all-female show. I'm so nervous.

***

NPR was playing Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry when I was getting ready for work this morning. Um, thanks NPR. That's exactly the type of music I wanted to have running through my head all day. I turn on NPR every morning hoping to get crappy pop songs stuck in my head.

***

My mom told me my sister's family spent yesterday at my nephew's soccer game. They actually went out to the lake to play on jet skis. I'm not entirely sure why my mom lied; it disturbs me that she thinks I would care at all, yet I also find it hilarious.

***

Achilles has most of this week off work for no real reason. I'm so jealous.

***

My weekend was too short.

Inhale...

2010-09-13T20:30:00.001-07:00

Things that are currently making me pull out my hair (Volume 1):

It has been a while since Austin has been in the direct path of a tropical storm or hurricane. When Hermine blew through last week, we saw a lot of flooding. Unfortunately, by "we," I mean Achilles and me. Our condo was leaking water upstairs, downstairs, and on one side. We still aren't exactly sure whether we're responsible for the repairs or whether the COA is responsible (we think the roof was leaking).
ACL Fest is in about three weeks. Three of Achilles friends are coming to stay with us. (In our condo. That needs a lot of work. Gah. I can't take time off from either job to prepare.)
I have two stand up performances in the next two weeks. I really don't feel ready. I've been so busy with my new job, I haven't written a lot of new material. I know a lot of comics re-use the same jokes over and over, but I get sort of bored with my jokes. (P.S. If you will be in the area and would like to come to a performance, I'd still love to see you. Just let me know if you're interested.)
My new job pretty much involves me constantly asking my supervisor questions. He encourages the questions, is a very nice guy, and told me from the first day to expect that I'd be in his office asking questions at least 80% of the time at first. Still, every time I have to go in there, I find myself thinking, "If they have to fire someone, this is why they'll pick me." The more nervouse I get, the more mistakes I make. It's all very vicious cycle/circle-y.
I still don't have my teaching application completed. (It's not due for two months, but I hate having it hanging over my head.)
Achilles injured himself somehow training for the half marathon. He has to recover in time for the police academy (which is a whole other ball of anxiety I can't even begin to talk about) so I'm stuck training for the half marathon by myself.

I'll survive all this, of course. All I have to do is remember to breathe and maybe keep a few extra towels on hand. Wish me luck.

Breaking rules

2010-09-07T08:19:00.001-07:00

I read on a "big" blog once that it's obnoxious to apologize for infrequent blogging. "No one cares!" the blogger said. "You're not special! Most people likely didn't even notice you were gone."

Her diatribe sort of hurt my feelings, as I've definitely been guilty of the near-criminal act of mentioning an extended blogging absence. I never thought of it as being self-important; I just figured it was my only way of letting my internet friends know I was still thinking about them while I was away, even if I didn't have time to leave comments or send long emails in response to their posts.

Still, her comment got to me. Who was I, really, to think that my absence from the internet (or anywhere else) mattered?

Then I realized - who was she to tell me it didn't? I don't blog for approval or attention or to feel important. I blog to connect to the twenty or so readers who feel like old friends. I've cooed over baby pictures, cried over losses, and (facetiously) threatened to cut brake lines when a fellow blogger has been crossed. (All jokes aside, Internets - my wimpy little arms and I totally have your back.) I don't need some self-appointed blogging Emily Post to tell me the rules of internet correspondence; I'll make up my own as I go, based on what feels right to me.

And what feels right to me is to apologize for being absent for the past month or so. Yes, I've been busy settling into my new job, running, spending time with Achilles, writing jokes, and doing a million other things, but there are no good excuses for being a crappy friend.

So, I'm sorry Internets. I can't promise I will magically find a way to balance my new responsibilities with everything else and immediately morph back into the comment-happy Jane you know and love, but I promise to do better.

Because nobody puts the Internets in a corner.

Or something.

Book clubs... and that's about it

2010-08-19T07:20:00.001-07:00

I joined a book club at my new job.

And... Sadly, that's about the most exciting thing that has happened in my life lately. I know it sounds terrible (and terribly boring) to say that I've been too busy to do anything interesting lately, but it's the truth.

***

Yesterday I was walking through a building on campus when a news reporter from a local radio station stopped me.

"You just look so nice," she said. "Would you mind giving me a quote for a story I'm doing about a local business that's closing?"

I talked to her a while about the business, but couldn't help but wonder, What did she mean about me "looking nice"? Was she trying to tell me I have a face for radio?

***

One of my new coworkers asked me if I had religious reasons for wearing skirts and dresses all the time.

"Nope," I said. "It's just that the heat index is 110 degrees right now, and I can't stand the thought of ironing pants, let alone wearing them all day. If I were a guy, I'd probably wear a kilt."

Ask me a personal question, you'll get an honest answer.

***

I may be performing stand up again sooner than I'd intended. I was volunteered for a weekly open mic night, signed up for a performance that's happening in about a month, and added to a list of potential comics for an all-female show. I'm not sure I have enough material for any of this, let alone the cajones. But we'll see.

Working for the weekend (eventually)

2010-08-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

Oh Internets... I am so ready to be done with working a bazillion (OK, 55 or so) hours a week. It's exhausting!

On the other hand, both of my jobs are going really well right now. My current students at my part time job are some of the best I've ever had. One of them even brought me an energy drink this evening (which suggests that even my students think I'm crazy for teaching in the evenings after work.)(This is probably why my brain is wide awake after midnight despite my body's desire to sleep. Darn you, caffeine!)

I really like my new main job so far. Of course, it's hard to say whether my enthusiasm will last. I am fairly distractible, and the newness of anything wears off after a while. (I have a friend who is fond of saying that the best two days of any job are the first day and the last. After all, sooner or later you'll realize that your boss is crazy and/or that some coworker really is going to drink a tuna fish smoothie for lunch.)(Right by your desk.)(Every single day.) But so far, I really enjoy my coworkers and the stuff I've been doing. I actually talk with people regularly throughout the day rather than once or twice a week. It's great.

The downside to all of this working is that I haven't had much time for anything else - Achilles, friends, commenting on blogs, my Netflix queue. Of course, this situation is very temporary, and I mostly feel incredibly lucky to be overemployed after my recent sticky job situation. In a couple of weeks, I'll be back to writing stand up, making boring condo repairs, expanding my knowledge of Japanese film, and beating metaphors to death on this blog and in your comments sections. In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can to enjoy the hustle and bustle while it lasts. As for Achilles - don't worry; he and I commute, run, and eat dinner together most nights. Secretly, I think he's enjoying the opportunity to play a few extra video games while I'm at work.

Anyway, this is all beginning to sound very disjointed. (My brain is ready for sleep. My body is ready for sleep. Now I just need my heart rate to get ready for sleep. No more energy drinks, even to be polite!) I'll be back in full force soon. In the meantime, take care of the Internets and yourself.

Things that have happened

2010-08-04T19:41:00.001-07:00

Employment bullet points!

I got a job. I started Tuesday. I think I like it. So far, I'm just very busy. Also, since I had picked up a lot of hours at job #2 in anticipation of not having a primary job, I'll be even a little busier than normal for the next few weeks. But hopefully I'll survive.
In related news, my new coworkers discovered my comedy video. The (pretty much) highest-ranking person I've ever talked to at my job sent me an email that said
"I'm glad I finally know someone who can help me find things at Home Depot."
I quickly ruined my good-ish first impression by accidentally breaking a security system.
Fortunately, my new direct supervisor-type bosses imediately decided that it wasn't my fault.
Either I got really spoiled by partial telecommuting and an easy project schedule at my last job, or I'm getting old. Eight (and sometimes eleven) hour work days seem ridiculously long. And traffic..? Ugh.
Achilles and I were offered a really good deal on a rental house that is significantly closer to both of our jobs and cheaper than our condo. However, we'd have to try to sell our condo (likely for a loss) if we decided to move. We're not sure what to do.
My niece says my name now, and cries when I leave. She has me wrapped around her little finger. I'm looking into buying her a pony.
I have to go run now. Literally. Blah. Training for a half marathon seemed like a good idea when I wasn't going to have anything else to do. Next time I get bored, I'm just going to convince Achilles we should have a baby.
Just kidding.

Small Uninteresting Post

2010-07-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Internets,

I've been avoiding my blog this week, because I felt this weird internal pressure to write a Big Interesting Post.

I'm not sure why I feel this pressing need to say something important here; I'm sure I could make something up from [what I remember from] Psych 101 about my lack of certainty about my job situation, or my tendency to avoid certain problems by focusing on other less important problems. But really, that just sounds boring and exhausting for both you and me. Instead, I think I'll go old school and get back into posting with a bullet points-y letter to the Internets.

I just got this email:
Tomorrow is [redacted]'s last day! We are "honoring" him with cake at the coffee bar at 3:45. Come join us!!
Hmmm... Sounds fishy. I don't know if I trust that what they are "honoring" him with is actually "cake." I think I'll pass.
Kim, who I have decided is my sister from another mister, is nearing her 500th post. I am in awe of her tenacity. I was looking through the list of blogs I follow (which I haven't really updated much since I started blogging)(I should do that) and I'd say at least 80% of those bloggers are no longer blogging. Getting up to 500 posts pretty much makes Kim one of the rulers of the Internets.
Two of my favorite non-U.S. bloggers are coming to visit the U.S. in August, and even though the U.S. is like, really big, and they are both coming here to visit family and friends and you know, not me, it reminds me how much I would like to meet most of the Internets in real life. (We would definitely need margaritas, though, because although I may seem relaxed and funny-ish onstage, I'm actually really socially awkward in person.)
I am not going to BlogHer. Poor little me.
My half marathon training is (dare I say it?) sort of... fun so far. I think it helps that I've been super stressed by both my employment situation and the extra work I've picked up at my second job. Exercising really does help me feel less stressed. (Less tired/grumpy/irritable? Not so much...)

I think that's all my brain has room for today. Love your face, Internets!

Love,
Jane

Miscellany

2010-07-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

Random bullet points from the past week that likely won't make it into their own blog posts:

Achilles cut his thumb on the mandoline. I didn't say I told you so, but I did suggest that we start referring to it as the cornballer.
I may (or may not) have found a job. It was supposed to be a sure thing, but I was supposed to hear something about this so-called "sure thing" today. So who knows.
I have seven half-written blog posts that I can't muster the energy to finish. It is amazing how quickly I become apathetic when I spend most of my time with my Netflix queue.

I've been enjoying my time between jobs, but I'm beginning to realize that I really need a little more structure (or structured procrastination) in my days if I'm going to stay productive, at least when it comes to blogging.

Awkward conversations, pt. 12

2010-07-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

Scene: the CVS near my office. I am on a five minute break at work. There are about four customers and two cashiers.

I place my Chex Mix and Coke Zero on the counter.

Cashier: Hello. I'll go ahead and take what you have in your pockets, too.

I stare at the guy for a minute. He smiles at me weirdly. I take my car keys from my pocket and hand them to the cashier. He pretends to scan them, then rings up my other items.

Cashier: That'll be $4.50 please.

I pay. The cashier hands me my items and my keys. I say "Thank you," and leave.

---End scene---

Am I wrong in thinking that interaction was totally bizarre? Did the cashier really think I was shoplifting, or was he just trying to make conversation? Who did the better job one-upping the other person? Me, for actually emptying my pockets, or the cashier, for pretending to scan the contents? (I am afraid, Internets, that the winner in that contest may have been the cashier. After all, I wasn't really being intentionally ironic when I handed him the keys - I was mostly just horrified that he thought I might be a shoplifter.)

Part the deux

2010-07-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

So I performed stand up for the second time last week. I think I did a little better the first time, but I still had fun. At any rate, here's the video of my performance:

I plan to address the whole "Why the heck did you even decide to try this?" issue in an upcoming post. If there's anything else you're curious about, feel free to ask me questions in the comments and I'll try to answer those questions in the same post.

I did it (again)

2010-07-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

My second stand up performance went OK. The crowd was older and smaller, but I still got some laughs. My friends and family assure me that I did fine. (I'm sure they're not biased at all.) I'll get the video in about a week - I'll post it so that you guys can judge for yourselves.

I'm not sure what my next step will be. I could check out an open mike or something, but they all seem so intimidating and male. I will probably try to get my job and life situations straightened out before I really decide on anything.

In other news, Achilles and I started training for a half marathon on Sunday. Wish us luck!

Nerves

2010-07-12T07:25:00.000-07:00

OMG INTERNETS!!!

I'm performing stand up again in less than 12 hours. I'm so much more nervous this time than last time. I guess that's the price I have to pay for not scheduling a wedding a few days before this performance to keep my mind occupied.

My department manager took me out for coffee this morning to discuss a potential job. Hopefully the caffeine and adrenaline currently coursing through my veins as a result of that meeting will dissipate before tonight.

I'll let you know how it goes, and (barring disaster) post the video in a week or so.

Ocho

2010-07-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

Kim tagged me for a meme earlier this week. This was AWESOME because I have been super grouchy all week. I really don't like to write grouchy blog posts, but I get even grouchier when I don't write. Her timing couldn't have been better.

1. When was the last time you played air guitar? Come on, I’m not asking you to admit you still listen to Def Leppard.

I really don't know. I am more of an impromptu interpretive dancer than an air guitar player. I come up with interpretive dances almost daily. They usually also involve re-working the lyrics to TV theme songs so that they incorporate Bailey. Bailey enjoys dancing along.

[To the tune of the "FAME" theme song]
BALES!
He's gonna dance in the kitchen...
He's gonna shed on the floor...
(FLOOR!)
We really neeeed to vacuum...
But that is kind of a chore...
BALES!
Plus Bales is scared of the vacuum...
He'll probably bark 'til he's sore...

Both Achilles and Bailey really enjoy this. I promise.

2. What’s the oldest thing in your fridge?

Probably some sort of condiment that Achilles bought at some point. I am not a huge fan of crazy soy sauces or fancy BBQ sauces (unless they are homemade), so I tend to ignore those. I should probably check some of the expiration dates.

3. Vampires, zombies or please make it stop?

Hmmm... If you had asked me a few months ago, I probably would have said zombies. Now I'm just sick of it all. GIANT YAWN.

I do still think someone needs to find a way to make zombies sexy, because that would be hilarious. I mean, vampires are undead blood drinkers and people are all over that. If I have to hear about the undead all the time, I should at least get to hear things that are amusing and weird.

4. If you had to change your current profession, and could be anything, what would you do?

I'd be a teacher, at least for the next several years. I fully intend to change careers several more times in my lifetime, though. (So far, I've spent a few years each as a bookkeeper, a banker, a manager, and a programmer-type person. I'm so boring!)

5. Undergarment of choice?

I like undershirts a lot. I think they're underrated. Hardy har...

6. What is the tackiest thing you own?

I try to be pretty ruthless and donate my tacky things to Goodwill so that people can turn them into Halloween costumes. I do have a pair of bright purple cargo pants that I'm reluctant to get rid of. They make me happy.

7. Summer with no air conditioning or winter with no heat?

Easy peasy - winter with no heat. I live in Texas, sillies. I barely turn my heat on in the winter anyway.

8. Desert island time: Wow, there is a band that will play whenever you snap your fingers and OMG, it’s your favorite! Who is it?

The Old 97's. I heart them big.

I'm feeling a little too shy to tag anyone today, but please feel free to consider yourself tagged if you would like to do this.

Oopsie pt. 784

2010-07-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

I took down my last post... I reread it and it sounded like I was saying bad things about my soon-to-be-previous employer. Honestly, I understand their decisions, and really don't harbor any bad feelings. I do feel a little overwhelmed and sad sometimes when I think of all the people whose are facing job loss and/or unemployment right now. However, that does not give me an excuse to say things without thinking.

Anyhoo... I'm going back to my promise not to talk about the whole job situation for a while.

XOXO

P.S. Thank you for the thoughtful comments on the post I took down. I definitely appreciated them. You guys are awesome.

Biting the bullets

2010-07-02T12:05:00.001-07:00

Yes, it is that time again. I have let myself get so discombobulated (love that word) through lack of blog posting that my only hope for ever moving forward is to attempt to re-combobulate myself through the use of bullet points and bad pun blog titles.

This is the current status of various aspects of my life:

Job situation - If you are annoying even yourself with your self-absorption, chances are, you're probably beginning to alienate some of your readers. At any rate, I don't want to turn this into an unemployment blog, so after this update, I'm going to put a lid on this subject for a while. Since my last post, I took a test to see if I qualify for a teaching program, interviewed for a job, and signed up for a mandatory "transitions workshop" for the group of people who were laid off by my employer. The test went pretty well (I think). I thought the interview went badly. It reminded me of getting dressed up for a date with a guy that you're not that interested in, and then getting rejected because the guy is still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. (Oddly, that made me more interested in the job than I initially thought I was. Old habits?) I am sure the transitions workshop will be magical.
Achilles - He is still nice. I don't know why he puts up with me. Perhaps it is because I don't complain when he heads to the video store to pick up a movie we both agreed on and instead returns with something he thinks we might like better. (I sent him this article and went upstairs to reread my Anastasia books.)
Stand up - I'm performing again on July 11th. Email me if you'll be in the Austin area and would like tickets.
Hurricane Alex - I am normally not a fan of hurricanes, but I am enjoying the rain and cooler weather Alex has brought to Austin. I hope this doesn't cause too much trouble in the Gulf, though. (Side note - how is it possible that we've never had a hurricane Alex before? Isn't Alex a really common name?)
Birthdays - My niece and my sister's birthday was yesterday. In some ways, I can't believe little Ellie is already a year old. In others, I can't believe how much has happened in the past year. My nephew's fourth birthday is in two weeks. I definitely can't believe how much has happened in the past four years.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets!

Freaky Friday (accepting applications)

2010-06-25T11:08:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I think I should not be allowed to live my own life. Ugh. There are times I wouldn't mind trading places with someone else for a while, just until I got the tricky parts straightened out.

I am having the hardest time making life decisions lately. I am a fickle nickel. (Or a fickle pickle? Does that sound better? I can't make up my mind about anything!) I think that's part of why it's so easy for people to get stuck in jobs or situations that don't make them happy; making decisions that actually change things in your life can be scary and confusing. But that is another post for another day.

I want to thank you all again for how great you've been in the past couple of weeks. I feel like I've been super needy lately (which is so weird for me), but you guys have been amazingly supportive. It's great to have a place to go when my family and friends get sick of listening to me. (My family and friends have been great, too, of course. But they have their own lives, and oddly, they don't find my navel nearly as fascinating as I do.)

I had some really great comments on my last post. Rachel's, in particular, made me smile, because she said "I think you know, deep down, what the answer is. So listen to yourself!"

For some reason, that reminded me of Kung Fu. I spent the next several minutes imagining us in the roles of student and teacher:

Master Rachel: Close your eyes, Jane. What do you see?
Jane: I think I see the inside of my eyelids.
Master Rachel: You have much to learn, Grasshopper.

(FYI: We spent the rest of my daydream sequence avenging past wrongs and fighting for the underdog. We totally kicked butt.)

D's comment (reproduced below) probably made me think the hardest.

The change, for me, was ceasing to define who I am by what I do to make money.

I like the job because it is interesting enough, pays well enough, has good benefits, and lets me have a life (my real life) outside of it. Plenty of time for you to pursue your hobby.

I haven't found someone, yet, who loves to go to work. Doesn't matter what the job is. So, sure, change your job. Do it. Just be realistic about how green the grass is.

I've actually been ruminating about whether I'll always think the grass is always greener for quite some time (maybe even my whole life). Just so you know I never meant to suggest that I think (especially my lovely blog readers) are defined by their jobs, or that their 8-to-5 jobs are where people are living their real lives.

However, we do spend most of our waking hours at work, commuting, or getting ready for work. Yes, we work to live, but it does invade our personal lives to a rather large degree. (I'll have more to say about this particular after I post my next stand up video. Don't want to spoil the jokes, yo. xoxo)

Sure, many people would rather watch Law & Order reruns on the couch than drive to work in traffic five days a week, but there's a huge difference between a job that leaves you feeling drained and a job that leaves you feeling good about yourself. At my current (soon-to-be former) job, I sit alone all day with computer code. I interact with other human beings at work once or twice a week, if I'm lucky. I usually leave work each day completely drained. Could I be happy at a job doing the same thing if I were in a more social environment? Absolutely, and it's worth looking into.

But contrast this with how I feel when I leave my part time job teaching and tutoring. Even when I have to go in to work after leaving my 8-to-5 job, I almost always leave after my shift with an extra spring in my step. Sure, there are times I'd rather spend my extra free time doing something else, but there's a reason I've kept my second job for so long - I like the work.

At any rate, discussing which side of the fence has greener grass is kind of a moot point right now. There is no grass on my side of the fence anymore, or there won't be after the end of August. I can apply for better-sounding jobs in my field, but there's no guarantee that I'll get one. Part of my last post was really about exploring all the pastures out there so that I reduce my chances of starving to death this winter.

(And THAT, my friends, is how you beat a metaphor to death. You are welcome.)

All of this is a rambling, mostly nonsensical way of saying that I still don't have a clue what I'm going to do with my life.

I am applying for the teaching program, for sure. That has been my "someday" plan for at least three years, since I got my part time job teaching and tutoring (and probably before that, if I'm being completely honest with myself). I had been planning to do it long before I found out I was getting laid off. The job loss just raises the stakes for getting into the program a little higher. But if I don't make it this year, I'll try again. I don't know if I'm meant to be a teacher forever (who can ever know something like that), but I do think it is something I'm meant to do. And if it comes do it and I have to give up some of my free time or hobbies to pursue teaching, I will.

The next year is the fuzzy part. I have an interview for a job next week. We'll see how it goes. (I'm half afraid that they'll offer me the job and I'll say yes, not so much because I want the job but because I'm incapable of telling people no.)

I don't think I have any really terrible options, which is part of what is driving me so crazy. I'm sure it'll all work out. It always does, right? Still... if anyone is interested in switching places for a while, you know where to reach me.

Side note: It is amazing to feel like I can be completely honest about work stuff on here... I guess that's one unexpected benefit to being laid off - I don't have to worry about being Dooced.

The claw end of a hammer

2010-06-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm in the midst of a battle. I need advice.

When I was young, I was a head-in-the-clouds daydreamer with imaginary friends. I read fiction constantly and sculpted tiny animals out of clay. I delighted in anyone who was smart or weird or funny or talkative or thoughtful. By the time I got to high school, I was social butterfly. I joined clubs, made friends, and won awards for graphic design. I cried; I made best friends; I worked on a farm. I was Sensitive, and I was going to make the world a better place.

And yet.

I was also a straight-A student with a strong aptitude for math. When I was in elementary school, I saved most of my allowance for college and (I wish I were joking) retirement. In high school, my realistic and grounded side wrote and pushed through new bylaws for the National Honor Society. I did extremely well academically (despite my propensity for constantly losing important papers and forgetting homework assignments).

The older I got, the more I've felt like two people in one body.

My no-nonsense side got me into excellent colleges (with scholarships). It got me out of bed in the morning and to work on time day after day, year after year, and convinced me follow the rules for setting up IRAs and emergency funds and 401(k)s. It is the reason I have a great resume with upward progression and a decent amount of savings in the bank. My practical side has kept my feet nailed to the floor when my flighty side would have long ago filled me up with helium and carried me off into the clouds in search of something shiny and new.

I've never really trusted my flighty side. In my early and mid twenties, it had a habit of chasing bad boys and butterflies. But while my flighty side has perhaps been what has led me to periods of disorganization and depression, it has always also known what will make me happiest. It never let me get away with saying, "Hey, I know my boss is sort of a sociopath, but a few more months at this job will look great on my resume." Even after some truly awful dates (and, come to think of it, boyfriends) it never let me give up on the idea that one day I would meet a nice guy. It has always been the part of me that has said "Why not just try stand up comedy/horseback riding/making tiny birds for the top of your wedding cupcakes?" My flaky side, especially after a couple of beers, is a lot of fun. Heck, for the most part, Flaky writes this blog.

I was shaken last week when I found out that my position would be eliminated at the beginning of September. I am, after all, a person who plans, who makes lists, who wants to know what is going to happen next. However, I am also a person who enjoys - even thrives on - change. I felt trapped in my old job; it paid well, but I didn't enjoy the work. I spent most of my time alone with computer code that I found neither interesting nor inspiring. I lived for evenings, weekends, and vacations. As upset as I was last week, this week I'm beginning to realize that this job loss may be one of the best things to happen to me this year.

I have several options right now. Older, wiser people and many of my friends have suggested I get a job, in my current field, as soon as possible. Of course, they say, I may have to take a pay cut, but the important thing is to not have any gaps in my resume. My logical, reasonable side thinks they're right. My rational side, has, in fact, already talked me into applying for two jobs that seem somewhat interesting (although I did draw the line at applying for an opening at the organization where my stalker ex-boyfriend works).

Oh, but my flaky side... My flaky side dreams of finding a part time job at a coffee shop to keep me busy and cover my (admittedly low) expenses while I go back to school. (My flaky side, of course, found a perfect part time teaching program I'd planned to apply to long before I'd even caught wind of the layoffs.) Flaky reasons that I can get on Achilles' health insurance plan and count Job #2 as continuous employment, so I won't have to worry that much about a gap in my resume anyway.

Flaky is being awfully darn persuasive. To complicate matters, I got some potentially really exciting (but very tenuous) news about a hobby taking off. At this point, I am afraid to even dream that it might ever be more than a hobby, but right now, I love this hobby. I want to have time for it, and not only for it, but for Achilles, my friends, my nephew and niece, and the myriad other things that keep me sane by pulling me in a million directions. I am, after all, Distractible. I'm afraid that two jobs and school will lead me down the path where dreams go to die.

On one hand, I know that people gain wisdom through experience. The advice I'm receiving about getting a job NOW isn't being given lightly, or because people don't know or care about what's best for me. In fact, a lot of these people have probably spent time chasing dreams that didn't work out. On the other hand, though, I feel like I've been given a fantastic opportunity, and I'm afraid to let it pass me by.

Above all else, I'm tempted to shake myself and tell myself I'm too old to have my gaze so firmly fixed on my navel.

What do you think, Internets?

Thoughts...

2010-06-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

I can't tell anyone I have news anymore without hearing "OHMYGOD, YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

(Yes, and I decided to tell you over margaritas.)

(No, I'm not pregnant.)

***
Apparently, Unemployed Jane can nap for five hours and still go to bed at her normal bedtime. Score!

***
I am at once very superstitious about sharing good news before it actually comes to pass, and completely unable to keep a secret. I am an (oxy)moron.

***
I don't actually have good news. I have lots of potentially good news that I'm terrified of jinxing. Therefore, I shall shut myself up.

XOXO

I love you and stuff

2010-06-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for the outpouring of support. After the initial shock of losing my job wore off (I admit, I cried into a beer while wondering if my life had turned into a country song), I realized that I will make it through this transition just fine.

I liked my job just fine (I was essentially a computer programmer - I'm shocked that my passion for all things non-people/non-animal/non-art related didn't shine through on this blog), but my job definitely didn't define me. If I had to pick from a list of Bad Things, losing my job is probably what I'd go with. Especially now, when I can essentially say, "Well, my position was eliminated due to the economy. I was the least senior member on the team and was working on systems that were due to be retired anyway."

Heck, the experience has already given me a page or so of pretty decent stand up material.

I'll be fine, I promise. But your outpouring of support? Means a lot. Thank you.

Serious question: do you think I could get hired to go help clean oil off of baby sea turtles in the Gulf? I think that might be my calling.

And then Reality came along and punched me in the stomach

2010-06-14T11:54:00.001-07:00

I got laid off this afternoon. At the end of August, I'll be out of a job.

And it's goodbye to A&M?

2010-06-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

I know that few of my readers share my obsession with college football, so I'll try to avoid talking about this too much, but I'm surprisingly emotional about the possibility that Texas and Texas A&M could end up in different conferences at the end of this Big XII shakeup.

Both my parents grew up in Texas and attended UT Austin. When I came along, they made sure I understood where to place my alliances: the very first joke I ever learned as a little girl was an Aggie joke, and I was dressed in burnt orange and taught to root against A&M practically from birth.

I can't imagine a football season in which Texas and A&M don't play each other. It would be like eating chips without queso or barbecue without sauce. The Texas/Texas A&M football rivalry is the third longest-running in the nation, and by far the oldest in Texas. Heck, Texas and A&M mention each other in our fight songs, for heaven's sake.

The thing is, A&M and Texas are like brothers: you want to beat up your brother, but you don't want anyone else to beat up your brother. You definitely don't want to stand around and watch it happen.

I have a feeling A&M would get a little bit beaten up in the SEC. Can't we just convince Arkansas to come back to the Big 12?

Be careful this weekend

2010-06-11T06:41:00.000-07:00

I cut off a big piece of my thumb last night using the mandoline we got as a wedding gift. Because of course I did. I am a person who can't be trusted around anything that is remotely sharp, bumpy, or otherwise unwieldy.

I still maintain it was partially Achilles' fault, because he told me to "Be careful!" just as I was finishing up my slicing activities. I think there's some variant of Murphy's Law that says you never tell someone to "Be careful!" when they're using a sharp object (unless you secretly want them to cut themselves), because if you do, they will inevitably cut themselves.

I don't have the energy to Google this, but if one of you happens to know whether this law exists, and if so, what it is called, I will buy you a beer if I ever meet you in real life. (Or, if I already know you, I will buy you a beer the next time I see you.)(Unless you are pregnant, in which case, we will have to work something else out, because I am becoming a bit overly parenthetical.) Until I hear otherwise, I'm going to call the you-don't-tell-someone-wielding-a-sharp-object-to-be-careful-unless-you-secretly-want-them-to-cut-themselves rule Biscuit's Law (because my nickname in elementary school was Biscuit, and that was probably the first time I accidentally cut myself because someone else wasn't minding their own business).

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Internets. If you happen to be in Dublin, Texas, I'll be there running, drinking Dr Pepper made with real sugar, nursing my wound, and contemplating personal responsibility.

Head case

2010-06-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been AWOL for the past... oh... several weeks. My explanation is boring, but I guess I should go ahead and give it to you. It's all I can really think about a lot of the time anyway. (Sorry in advance to the Y-chromosome type people who read this blog. You are not going to find this very interesting at all, and should possibly stop reading now.)

As of December of last, I'd had three migraines in my entire life. They'd been terrible - room spinning, head throbbing, nausea-inducing - just awful. But a migraine every nine years or so I could deal with.

In December and January each, I had two migraines. After consulting Google, I figured it was wedding stress or two much caffeine and nothing to worry too much about. I did start taking notes, though, to see if I could determine what was triggering the headaches. And per the Internet's instructions, I tried to avoid taking painkillers as much as possible to avoid rebound headaches.

In February, I had two migraines again. Each lasted longer than a day. At this point, I realized there was a pattern to when I was getting the headaches: I'd get one each month the first day I took the first pill in my birth control pack, and again on the second day of placebo pills.

[Again, I consulted Google. It turns out, while there hasn't been much research to support their claims, a lot of women complain that their migraines started after they began taking birth control pills, or even specific brands of birth control pills. Drug companies and doctors say hormones affect everyone differently and there's no way of knowing whether birth control pills could cause women to get migraines because young women have these hormones in their bodies anyway. It's a conundrum! In my case, I noticed that I stopped growing hair on my arms and legs when I switched to the brand of pills I was taking when I started getting migraines. While that seemed like a positive side effect at the time, I probably should have realized that there was a chance they were putting a few too many lady hormones into my body.]

I didn't really want to change my birth control around right before the wedding, as messing with my birth control has a history of making me a bit ~~of a cray-cray~~ emotional, and I didn't want to risk it. So I decided to wait until after the wedding and honeymoon to be safe.

By the time we got back from Greece, I was getting three migraines a week. When I had a headache, it usually lasted for 12-24 hours. I could smell my computer from across the room. Looking at the monitor to edit vacation photos or write posts (bright light!) was out of the question. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do my job.

Two weeks ago, I went to see my doctor. Up until this point, I had been listing my migraine triggers in hopes that I could avoid taking medication. I showed her my list:

-hormones
-drops in barometric pressure
-sleeping too much
-sleeping too little
-eating too much
-eating too little
-too much caffeine
-no caffeine
-red wine
-bananas

"With the exception of red wine and bananas, how do you think you're going to really be able to control any of this for the rest of your life?" she asked.

I left with two scary-sounding prescriptions and sense of cautious optimism.

Two weeks later, I've had one (very mild) migraine, and I feel like a new woman. I've had some mild side effects, but I mostly just feel better. And even though I do generally avoid taking anything, I'm feeling a lot less defensive about taking medication. (Sure, I did have one episode where I got very stabby when someone suggested I just try using Aleve and Vick's Vapor Rub to treat my migraines, but progress is progress, right?)

Hopefully I'll be back to my old Posty McPosty self soon. Thanks for your patience, Internets!

Because I'm starting to miss college football

2010-06-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

1985

"What color team do we root for, Daddy?"

"The ones in burnt orange. They're the ones that are winning right now."

"What color is burnt orange?"

"It's like regular orange, only prettier."

"Shouldn't we root for the other ones? The ones in red? Because they're losing?"

"No Sandy, that's not really how it works."

#23 crossed off the list!

2010-05-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

I paid off my student loans today (WHEE!) so I figured it was a good time to do a quick 30 Before 30 update:

meet 30 new people I think I'm at about 20
read 30 (non-self help) books I'm at 10. This needs work.
watch 30 of the IMDB Top 250 films I haven't even looked at this. Whoops.
~~get married~~ DONE!
~~travel outside the country~~ DONE! Now I just need to upload the photos...
run a half marathon I've started training, but this one is pretty iffy at this point.
launch an Etsy shop I'm still brainstorming.
try 30 new foods If you count recipes, I'm probably close to done. If you only count ingredients, this one needs some work. I did try gator, though. That should count for at least 20 of the 30, right?
save $5000 (after IRA and retirement contributions) I'm pretty close, but I don't feel like I can cross this off until my actual birthday in case I get spendy.
volunteer at least 30 hours of my time I'm at about 2 hours. I really need to focus on this.
every 3 months, donate 30 items to Goodwill or Salvation Army So far, so good.
sell 30 items on Craigslist or Ebay I think we've sold about 10-12 items.
~~take a language class~~ Does Greek count? I vote yes.
learn to sew
~~redo floors in living room~~ DONE!
be able to do 30 military style push-ups
~~take a stand-up or improv class and perform in front of an audience~~ DONE! I may do this one again.
try 30 new recipes If you count green smoothie recipes that I made up based on what I had in my refrigerator, I probably already tried 30 recipes. If you don't count those, I'm probably at around 10 or 15
go on a road trip
win a contest of some kind
~~take a dance class~~ DONE!
go to the dentist (twice) I really need to work on this...
~~pay off student loans~~ DONE!!!
learn to make a daisy chain Lyndee (who did our wedding flowers) says she can teach me.
learn to play 30 songs on the ukulele I'm still hovering at 10 or so.
learn to drive a stick shift
attend 30 yoga classes
complete savings vs. lottery experiment
make a list of the top 30 things I'm most happy to have already crossed off my bucket list
skip at least one item on this list I don't think this one will be a problem.

Pretty much the best thing I've ever seen ever

2010-05-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Out of the grumps

2010-05-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling sort of down-in-the-dumps this week. I've been pretty anti-social, more content to sit at home with Netflix (aka my enabler) than to go out with my friends. In the past, this sort of behavior has been the first step on the slippery slope toward Depressionville.

Fortunately, this afternoon my friend Kelly posted a picture of us getting ready for our comedy performances. Looking at the picture I tell that I'm being goofy, but also that deep down, I'm really happy. It was just the kick in the pantaloons that I needed to get myself up and out of the house this weekend.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Internets, and that your wildest dreams come true. And even if your wildest dreams don't come true, I hope you have friends that remind you to enjoy the ride.

My mind grapes are overripe

2010-05-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

I think I pulled a muscle in my brain on vacation. That's totally possible, right?

I have a lot that I want to say (and even more pictures to upload from our wedding and honeymoon), but I can't seem to sit down long enough to do any of it. I should have taken a laptop - or at least a notebook - on vacation. This giant bottleneck of ideas is going to take a while to sort through. Don't worry; I am not planning to go all Alanis and be all, "my vacation changed my liiiiiife, y'all." (It didn't.)

***

In other news, I went to see a movie* this weekend. I hardly ever go see movies in the theater, but Achilles was going to a different movie that I didn't think I could sit through, and I didn't really feel like 1.) trying to organize last-minute plans with family or friends or 2.) sitting at home alone.

I got to the theater early, because Achilles' movie started about twenty minutes before mine did. The theater was pretty empty, so I grabbed a seat in the middle/left/back(ish).

The only other people there were a teenage couple who spent the entire movie fiddling with their iPhones, a grandmother and her 7-year-old grandson (poor kid), a very chatty couple on (I think) their second or third date, and a middle aged couple.

It was kind of weird, Internets. The middle aged couple in about 30 seconds before the movie started and sat in the seats right to the left of me. Is it just me, or was sitting in the seats right next to me kind of an aggressive move? The same seats were empty in the rows in front and behind us. I don't mind sitting next to someone when the theater is full, but when it's almost empty, it feels weird. I moved to another seat a few spaces down.

What are your thoughts on that? Was I rude? Were they? Am I reading too much into this? Tell me, Internets.

I probably need to go get my brain back in shape now. I hope your week is off to a good start!

*I know, I know. But what can I say - I've liked Amanda Seyfried since she played Lilly Kane on Veronica Mars.

Swapadoodledoo

2010-05-13T05:06:00.000-07:00

We got back from Europe on Tuesday evening. The combination of a weird sleep schedule, stress, PMS, and airport food resulted (unsurprisingly for me) in a massive migraine headache after work on Wednesday. Fortunately, waiting for me in a pile of mail was a package from Alex, my swap mate in Her Cozy Swap.

What was in the package, you ask? This adorable eye mask from BibBon:

Do you see the little birds??? How adorable and perfect is this mask? I promptly took headache medicine, put the eye mask on, and passed out. [Random note: while I slept, I had a dream that I went to a blog meetup to meet Kim and some of her blog friends, but got a terrible migraine and had to leave before we even got drinks. Migraine dreams? Almost as bad as dreaming about work.]

I feel much better this morning, and will hopefully have some time before work to upload pictures from Greece. Thanks again to Alex for an AWESOME cozy swap gift.

Well hello!

2010-05-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Internets!

You may have wondered (but probably didn't) why it was so quiet 'round these parts for the past week and a half. Abe and I were in Greece for our honeymoon. I kept it quiet in case a random crazy person who was in desperate need of ~~fine~~ slightly battered IKEA furniture happened to read this blog while we were gone.

At any rate, I missed you all and will be catching up ASAP. However, I think I need to eat dinner* and pass out for a while first.

XOXO

*My sister had lasagna, salad, fruit salad, bread and dessert prepped and ready for the oven for us when we got home. She knew we'd be sick of eating out and too tired to cook or shop for groceries. It was seriously one of the nicest, most considerate things ever.

This I believe

2010-05-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

I believe...

...that packing well is an art form
...that movies longer than 1.5 hours should have an intermission
...that if I have bad news, and you tell me "everything happens for a reason," I am pretty much allowed to punch you in the nose
...that laziness can be a gift, if you use it to make you more efficient
...that someday I'll learn not to procrastinate so much
...that it's OK to take baths. (Yes, I've heard the "you're sitting in your own filth" argument. I read once that baths actually make you cleaner than showers as long as you don't go all George Castanza with your towel, so I'm sticking to that.)
...that people who still do George W. Bush impersonations need to learn some new material already

What do you believe?

Thought of the day...

2010-05-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think men really do have it easier than women. I mean, you are never in your life going to have to find a place to store your bobby pins. Most likely.

Oops

2010-04-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

I forgot our two year anniversary. Sorry about that! It's been a great couple of years.

Happy belated bloggiversary.

Love,
Jane

Food, etc.

2010-04-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

I (finally) watched Food, Inc. last night. I wasn't as disturbed as some of my friends by the semi-graphic images of the conditions in which most animals are raised/slaughtered (I saw a lot of that when we watched Diet for a New America in 9th grade), but I did find the movie super depressing.

My thoughts:

People are so concerned about health care becoming "Socialized"; why is no one freaking out about the food industry? Huge farm subsidies, monopolies that pretty much eliminate competition, no true free market..? Did I miss something in high school government class?
"Food libel" is a felony in some states? You can lose your right to vote because you were found guilty of "slandering" a food producer? For serious? Libel should be a civil matter, not criminal. Apparently, free speech mostly only extends to weirdo hate groups.
I quit eating soy and soy by-products because it's a migraine trigger for me. It's amazing how much food has soy in it - I hope it doesn't become the new corn; if so, I'm screwed.
Wow, what a depressing movie.

/End of rant

***

Achilles' sleep schedule is slowly driving me crazy. He naps after work, and then goes to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning.

***

I have been incredibly grouchy for the past couple of days.

***

The previous two things could be related.

***

Listening to Greek language CD's in my car has had an unintended consequence: I'm no longer tempted to talk on the phone (or worse, text) while driving. The language CD's work better for me than books on tape or music because they're more interactive. Maybe I'll try another language after our trip.

I probably just need a nap

2010-04-26T12:41:00.001-07:00

Things that make me grouchy on Monday mornings (a partial list):

birds
responsibilities
alarm clocks
the sun
people who get up early and go to the gym
people who don't need coffee
people who already drank a lot of coffee and now want to talk to me
political discussion
lowest common denominator radio deejays
allergies

Just say "Ohi"

2010-04-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to some Greek language CDs ever since we booked our honeymoon. I have to say, I'm a bit concerned with the direction the lessons have been taking in the past few days.

It starts out innocently enough. A man sees a young woman on the bus. He asks her if she speaks English. She says no. He says he speaks a little Greek. She says he speaks very well. They bid each other adieu.

In the next lesson, they bump into each other again. The man tells the woman he's American, not Greek. (To which I say, well, duh. She probably guessed he wasn't Greek when he couldn't speak Greek when they met on the bus.) She says she's Greek, not American. He asks her how she is. She tells him she's fine, thanks. Then she sees a friend and rather abruptly ends the conversation to go talk to him. The lesson doesn't get into it, but I get the feeling that the American man is rather miffed.

Things began to get really troubling by about the fourth lesson. At first, the man simply seems to be asking the woman directions to Victory Street (which is over there) from Sophocles Street (which is over here). However, I think the man and woman must end up walking to Victory Street together, because suddenly, Victory Street is over here and Sophocles Street is over there. The woman mentions that she's thirsty, and would like to drink something. The man emphatically says that *he* is not thirsty, he's hungry. This time, he is the one who abruptly ends the conversation and walks away.

Apparently Greek women find the hard-to-get man as intriguing as my American friends do, because by the time they bump into each other again in the next lesson, she's inviting the American man for drinks. "Where would you like to drink?" she asks. "Your place," he replies. "My place?" she asks. "When?" "Yes, your place," he replies. "Now."

Now, I don't want to sound like my mother, but I really don't think this woman should be inviting a man she hardly knows over to her place for drinks. Coffee could be fine, or perhaps they could go to a restaurant for a beer. I could be wrong, but I get the feeling the American man only has one thing on his mind. Plus, who's to say he's not just a total creeper? I mean, how often have you met normal people on the bus? I'm hoping the Greek woman comes back to her senses by the next lesson.

***

In other news, I think I may need a new hobby.

I did order a camera (thanks for the encouragement!) and have started making a packing list. Does anyone have any book/TV recommendations? I need to be prepared; the in-flight movie on the way back from Puerto Rico was "Marley & Me," and I ended up ugly crying almost the entire way home.

Headaches

2010-04-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

Today's random thoughts:

I want an iPhone. But I've been with my cell phone company for 9 years, which is like 50 years in people years. I can't just end our relationship because some tarty young phone decides to flaunt itself in front of me.

***

Even though I'm over my cold, I have been waking up with horrendous sinus headaches every morning for the past week. I've tried so many things - more pillows to raise my head, nightly neti pot use, Sudafed - nothing seems to help. I even read (on the Internets, of course) that standing on your head can help. As counterintuitive as that sounded, I was desperate enough to try it. I ended up dizzy, with a worse headache than I started with.

***

I tend to be a person who shops a lot before I go on vacation. I am trying to avoid this before we go to Greece. These are the things I feel that I "need" (but probably don't).

New digital point-and-shoot camera. I have a camera that's several years old, but the lens cap doesn't always open all the way anymore. You can't tell there's a problem when you take the pictures - you just end up with a lot of blurry photos. The thing is, I could have probably send it to be repaired, if I hadn't waited until the last minute. Also, I could just share Achilles' camera. It has a date stamp setting that can't be turned off, though, which drives me crazy.
A larger carry on bag. I really want one of those convertible backpack type suitcases. I hate checking bags. I could probably use a gym bag or something, though, and get by just fine. I'm actually pretty good at packing light.
A step down voltage converter. I'm sort of afraid of these, but the last time I was in Europe, my rechargeable items all died in the first few days. Do these work? Do they fry your electronics?
New clothes/purse/shoes. There's not really anything wrong with what I have; I really just haven't bought any new spring or summer clothes (and didn't buy new winter clothes either, for that matter), and am kind of bored with my current stuff.
Miscellaneous things to keep me entertained/comfortable while traveling. Books, magazines, episodes of 30 Rock, fancy sleep mask/ear plugs sets. I could normally get most of these things for free (or not need them at all) at home. (I feel guilty taking library books out of town, like I'm breaking some sort of law or something.)

Any advice?

The opposite of the plague

2010-04-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

First, thank you SO MUCH for your sweet comments on my stand up video. I was super nervous about posting it, but the Internets has been so amazingly sweet.

I haven't been posting much this week because I've been sick. I told Facebook I had the plague, thinking that was vague enough not to be an overshare. However, my ~~jerk~~ friends immediately replied "GROSS!" and suggested that I was covered in boils and blains. So I had to clarify that I have a somewhat persistent cold.

This is why I should keep my mouth shut and follow my rules for posting status updates on Facebook: don't post anything unless it's 1.) short, 2.) specific, 3.) something the people on my friends list actually want/need to hear about.

source

Oh well. Other than the ~~disease and pestilence~~ minor cold, things have been going rather well. In fact, I got a blog award from one of the sunshines of my blogging life.

You should check out Aura's list of bloggers she awarded - there are some fantastic writers I've already been reading for a while, and others that I definitely plan to check out.

As for me, I've been meaning to do a series of posts featuring some of my favorite blogs, but I haven't quite gotten my brain back together enough to do it yet. Here are some of my favorites that I definitely recommend you check out:

Aura (obvs.)
Kim - I sort of feel like she's a BFF even though we've never met in real life. Amazing writer.
Rachel - ditto re: BFF status. Also an amazing writer.
Juliet - Amazing writer. Lives in France. What more can you ask?
Katelin - Adorable in so many ways. Love her.
miss petite america - Sweet, bubbly, funny, ambitious. I'd love to meet her someday.
Suzanne - another BFF blogger I've been reading forever. Old 97's fan. Makes me want to visit Cleveland, which is something I never would have expected to say.
Shannon (and Shan&Mike) - wonderful, honest writer (who also gets told she should be a funeral director when she takes career aptitude tests).
SavingDiva - A blog friend who became a real life friend, SD's blog keeps me thinking about my budget.
Georgia - quickly becoming famous. Already fabulous in too many ways to count.
Hillary - Lives in Vancouver with two of the cutest puppies I've ever seen. I want her to be my best friend.
Bekah - Has an adorable new baby. Super sweet.
LosingIt - She's sassy, speaks her mind, and I'm pretty sure I could call her if I ever needed to cut a brake line.
LittleMsBlogger - She's currently being tormented by a mockingbird. I love her Rants & Raves.
LiLu - She's kind of a big deal. Her TMI Thursdays (now retired) bravely share where no one has shared before.
TudorCity Girl - An honest, wonderful writer. I'm actually kind of glad I don't know her in real life, though, because she likes to play April Fools jokes, and I am super gullible.
My sister - She writes mostly about my niece and nephew, who are adorable. (Yes, I realize I'm biased.)
Sleepy Jane - Another old bloggy BFF who I'm dying to meet in real life. She has two adorable dachshunds and lives in South Africa.
Mermanda - Keeps me entertained on Twitter. Has an adorable retired greyhound.
Ashley - A wonderful, honest writer. I feel so lucky that the Internets allows me to connect with people like her.
Polly - Apparently I have a weakness for Francophiles. I love reading her posts about her life in France and her return to the U.S.
the texpat - I secretly want the texpat to move back to Texas so that we can be best friends. However, I love reading about her life in Germany, so I guess it's OK if she stays there. :)
Her - A wonderful blog and real life friend. She's a wonderful writer. Has two dachshunds. She's anonymous, so I won't say too much, but I adore her.
ANG* - Awesome. Recently lost 15 lbs, which is amazing. Has one of the cutest dachshund puppies ever.
Isabel - Another fellow Old 97's fan. Isabel lives in Seattle and just found out she's expecting a baby boy. Congratulations!
Vanessa and Kyle - Fellow Texans Vanessa and Kyle have a fascinating blog discussing their experiences teaching English in Korea.
Lemon Gloria - Hilarious, honest... Sometimes when I'm bored I just start reading her archives.
Ben - Adorable, hilarious, fabulous. Has two dachshunds. He lives in Nova Scotia (which is gorgeous, and also where DistractibleGrandfather was from).
The Culebra blog - We visited this tiny island when we went to Puerto Rico. I loved it.
MrsNoTouching - Her blog would be awesome enough if it was only pictures of her adorable daughter. However, she's also one of the funniest writers on the whole Internets.
C - Has been a little quiet lately, but I love her blog. She makes all sorts of crafty and delicious-sounding things.
BCSmithereens - BC is a new reader. I've really enjoyed reading her archives.
Captain Pork Chops - a wonderful photographer. Reading her posts is sort of like reading little love letters.
angelasw - She's in one of those in-between/waiting periods of life that can be so frustrating to live through, but she's handling everything with patience.
Katie - I love the title of her blog, La Petite Chic. (I am definitely not petitely chic myself.) She and her husband take an annual trip to the Caribbean, which makes me insanely jealous.
eemusings - She's a personal finance blogger (in Kiwi!), but she's recently started blogging more and more about her life. I love her blog - it's fascinating and informative.
kimberly michelle - She blogs about all sorts of things, but I particularly love her posts about the things she makes.
Rachel Not Rebecca - She's also in one of those frustrating in-between times in life. I love her blog.
Nicole - Not always safe for work, but hilarious.
Rassles - She is awesome. Someone recently stole her bike. Clearly, people who steal bikes from awesome people are NOT awesome themselves.
LR - She's from Toronto and is always posting hilarious videos. She has great book recommendations.
your wishcake - Very honest, very artistic.
The Dainty Squid - Love her awesome hair, her tattoos, her thrift store and flea market finds.
Kyla Roma - Somehow, I only recently found her blog. She's super honest and awesome and has adorable hair.
Dustin - Dustin is my friend in real life. We even live in the same neighborhood. He recently started a project in which he gets rid of one thing every day. Reading the archives is sort of like a less creepy version of peeking through someone's Goodwill donation pile.
Melanie - Wedding photographer extraordinaire!! Melanie is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. If you need a photographer, I can't recommend her enough.
Crystal - I'm currently reading her archives. She's fantastic - she has a cute dog, she's Canadian, she lives in France...
Deidre - Anyone who orders black beans by the case is awesome in my book.

Wow. This was exhausting. Also, interesting. Apparently, I gravitate toward bloggers who are 1.) dachshund owners, 2.) Texans, 3.) Canadians, 4.) Francophones/Francophiles, 5.) Old 97's fans, 6.) people with ridiculously adorable kids, 7.) easily distracted, 8.) into making pretty or delicious things, or 9.) several of the above. Yes, I probably read too many blogs. I can't help it - I really love the Internets.

I probably missed a lot of people (not even including the ones that haven't been updating lately and the giant bloggers that are too big to know I exist and who won't notice that they weren't listed here anyway). I'm sorry about that. I will try to include anyone I forgot in a future post.

I hope I don't regret this...

2010-04-11T21:58:00.001-07:00

As promised, my performance at Cap City Comedy Club from March 29th. There were about 200 or 250 people in the audience. The performers were a mix of professional comics, amateurs, and first-timers. This was my first performance ever.

[Note: those of you who have not been reading my blog for a while may not know that my name is not really Jane, it's Sandra. I'm not anonymous on this blog per se, but I try to stay semi-anonymous as far as Google searches go.]

Double click, double standard

2010-04-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

This is probably sort of a non sequitor after my earlier post about being more positive, but have you seen the recent PSAs about online safety?

-Click- That's the sound of your classmate forwarding a picture from your profile to everyone he knows. -Click- Some guys posting graphic comments about your body -Click- and worst of all your dad seeing a photo of you topless all because of the time you posted those pictures on your profile. Anything you post online, anyone can see; family, friends and even not so friendly people. Visit CyberTipLine.com. Brought to you by the US Department of Justice, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Ad Counsel.
source

I think I understand what this public service campaign is trying to accomplish: they want girls (everyone, really, but girls especially) to be safe about what words and images they post online. I think that's a good goal. I even understand why most of the messages are directed at teen/tween girls; I've seen To Catch a Predator - teen girls are probably the most common target of online perverts and criminals.

What I don't agree with is the other message this ad campaign seems to be sending: "You girls need to be careful about how you come across online, because once everyone thinks you're a slut, you're ruined forever."

Does a young woman's sexual reputation have to be the main focus of these ads? Why not her academic/professional reputation? Why not focus more on the actual real, physical dangers of talking to strangers online?

Even worse is this statement: "That's the sound of your classmate forwarding a picture from your profile to everyone he knows. Some guys posting graphic comments about your body..." Newsflash: teenage boys are going to talk about teenage girls bodies regardless of anything a girl does or does not post on the internet. Blaming the victim for being a target of bullying? NOT COOL, AD COUNCIL.

So, what could possibly work better than couching an important message in sexist rhetoric? Try being honest, direct, and to-the-point. Half-baked emotional appeals to young girls need not enter the picture.

Teenagers can smell B.S. a mile away. The less of that you use in your ads, the better.

Spring has sprung!

2010-04-09T07:06:00.000-07:00

One of my main goals in life is to try to have a positive outlook. This goes against my natural tendency to always see - or at the very least, anticipate - the worst in a situation.

For the past couple of weeks, though, I've been having a much easier time seeing the bright side of life. Maybe it's newlywed bliss. At any rate, these are the things that are currently making me almost (dare I say it?) giddy:

Austin has an oldies station again. We haven't had one for about a decade. I'm ridiculously excited - I was raised on a musical diet of oldies and oldies country. My time spent dancing in my car has increased by at least 417% in the past week. (The only downside is that the station seems to consider Debbie Gibson and Prince "oldies." Don't get me wrong; I love 80's music as much as the next girl, but c'mon. I was alive in the 80's. I'm not old enough to be an oldie yet, am I?)
The weather has been fantastic. On top of that, it's a banner season for wildflowers in Texas. There are blue skies and flowers everywhere you look. The grass is green, the birds are singing... I feel like I've stumbled into a Disney cartoon. Take a look at these pictures of my niece and nephew in the bluebonnets. ADORABLE!
As I mentioned yesterday, we booked our honeymoon. There's not much in life I enjoy as much as I enjoy vacation planning. The fact that Achilles and I are both art history buffs and we're going to Greece makes the planning even more fun.
It's Friday! I don't work this weekend! I have no wedding or comedy performance to plan! Tonight, a few friends and I are hanging out by the pool and barbecuing. Achilles and I are also going to hang out with two of our best friends from childhood/high school - one who just got engaged (congrats David!) and one who's in town from San Francisco with her husband (who, incidentally, is one of the most laid-back people I've ever met). I'm hoping for lots of trivia, board games, and silly conversation.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend Internets!

Misc

2010-04-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

We booked our honeymoon last night: three nights in Athens, four nights in Santorini, and one night spent in London to avoid sleeping in an airport. We're excited, although traveling abroad always feels sort of surreal. Is that true for everyone, or just Achilles and me (since neither of us ever went on overseas vacations as kids)?
There is a ridiculous amount of pollen in the air in Austin right now. When the wind blows, you can see clouds of grass and tree pollen blowing in the air. Bailey's coat even turns green when we take him outside. It's a shame, because the weather is fantastic right now.
I still haven't gotten my video of the comedy class performance. I emailed the teacher once to ask about it, but he never replied. Should I email him again? How many times can I email him without seeming psychotic? He did cash my check...
The temperature dropped 15 degrees last night, which puts a damper on the outdoor barbecue we're attending tomorrow evening. The weather should still be fairly warm (65-70F/18-21C), but I doubt anyone will want to swim. However, condsidering that it will soon be at least 30 degrees hotter outside, I'm not complaining.
Is there anything new with you? I feel like the Internets has been quiet lately, but perhaps you're all just enjoying the spring (or fall!) weather. (Or getting married!)

More craftiness

2010-04-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

My very dear friend Lyndee did an absolutely amazing job helping with Achilles' and my wedding. I knew I wanted to do something special to thank her. This is what I came up with:

1/2 egg carton, tissue paper, butterfly sticker, bluebirds of happiness (Lyndee had mentioned that she really wished she had a couple of those birds on a shelf at her house), ribbon

Lyndee opened the carton to reveal this:

cascarones with puns. Originally, I was going to dye the eggs, but I decided that I liked the natural shades. I glued little messages to the front: "You're egg-ceptional!" "You're the coolest chick we know!" "You crack us up!" "You ova-did yourself!" "Standing ova-tion!" and "Sunny side up!"

Four of the eggs had Reeces pieces inside. The other two had awesome jewelry from Etsy:

Peony ring from The Family Jewels

Carved blue birdy necklace from FreshlyFig

I was inspired by Not Martha's Easter Surprise Eggs, and used her instructions for sterilizing the eggs. Lyndee herself inspired the jewelry - she surprised me with peonies at the wedding, she was the one who encouraged me to make the little bird cake toppers, and she was the person who made the little bird fingerprint tree.

Lyndee was pleased with her thank you gift.

Gone to the dogs

2010-04-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

When I made my little cake topper birds, I remembered how much I enjoy making critters out of modeling clay. Here are my latest creations.

I'm wondering how I should paint them, and whether or not I should make a mommy dog to go with the dad and pup. Thoughts?

I'm also horribly afraid our condo will soon be overrun by tiny animals.

Wednesday Wedding Weecap Weedux

2010-03-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

(Warning: there are approximately 11 hundred million large pictures in this post.)

Dear Internets,

Thing 1.
I'm thinking of giving my blog the month of April off from the "Dear Internets" format. Thoughts?

Thing 2.
Here's semi-proof that I actually performed stand up on Monday:

Thing 3. Here are some of the early pictures from the wedding, with commentary. (All photos are by the fantastic, wonderful, adored-by-Achilles-me-and-our-families Melanie Dodds, unless noted.)

I got ready at my parents' house. I think I was the least nervous person there. I just felt very Zen. And silly.

(photo by my sister)

I didn't want to hide from Achilles (or anyone else) before the ceremony, which turned out to be awesome. We had a chance to get a lot of photos done, and spend time with family and friends during cocktail hour. (It also meant I spotted the rabid bat* and had a chance to have it removed before the under-5 crowd arrived. Win!)

(photo by my friend Loly)

I didn't have bridesmaids, but two of my best friends decided to wear purple shoes to support me. (My sister and I also changed into matching sparkly flip-flops at the reception.)

Originally, I didn't want to walk down an aisle at all. The day before the wedding, I changed my mind ("Forget forgetting tradition!") and decided I wanted both my dad and my nephew to walk me down the ~~aisle~~ 9,000 concrete steps to the gazebo to meet Achilles and the judge.

We had to pick the music at the last minute. We walked down the aisle to a ukulele instrumental version of "All You Need is Love." (My dad is a huge early-Beatles fan, and I'm obviously a ukulele fan.) My nephew was distracted by a fountain at the top of the stairs, but at the last minute, ran down and grabbed my hand.

(photo by my sister)

Our ceremony was short, but really nice. Achilles has known the judge that married us since he was in elementary school (Achilles, not the judge).

Music for the "recessional": "You Are the Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne

We took a few minutes after the ceremony to take pictures and spend some time together. This was also great, as we spent most of the rest of the evening talking to people. These are a couple of my favorites:

Dinner was amazing. Despite the expression on my face in this picture (I think I was chewing), the food was fantastic. We served raspberry mojitos (an ode to our trip to Puerto Rico and the color pink).

photo by my parents' next-door neighbor

Flower baby (niece) and matron of honor (sister):

photo by my parents' next-door neighbor

I know dancing is one of those things a lot of people leave out of weddings, but I *love* dancing (despite having no rhythm). I even added a song request feature to our online RSVP**. Achilles and I danced our first dance to "Question" by the Old 97's. We did a sort of modified foxtrot, and didn't miss any steps (which, for two people with no rhythm, is kind of a big deal).

photo by my sister

After our first dance, we invited all our friends out to dance to a "special" song. We played the opening measures to "Don't Stop Believing." Then we Rickrolled everyone. (Sing it with me... "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down..." Perfect wedding song, really.)

photo by my friend Loly

After that, we played my nephew's request ("I Gotta Feeling" - The Black Eyed Peas)...

photo by my sister

...and some other songs... (There's a video of my dad and my nephew dancing to "SexyBack" that I'd love to post... if I could only figure out how...) My cousin (who's about 5) had some insane dance moves, including one that culminated in him sliding across the floor on his knees.

We had an impromptu cupcake-cutting...

photo by Loly

...and impromptu toasts (the best kind)

photo by Loly

Melanie brought out the mustaches (BEST. PHOTOGRAPHER. EVER!)

Then we left by pedicab and headed to the Driskill.

photo by Loly

A wonderful day and night - I wouldn't have changed a thing.

If you are still reading, it is possible that you actually want to see more pictures. Here are some detail shots.

We had a tree/birds/pink theme. Instead of a guest book, my friend Lyndee made us a swirly fingerprint tree (from an old doodle I'd made on a notebook). I don't have a photo of it right now, but I'll upload one ASAP.

Of course, we had the little birds. (I ended up making the veil for the girl bird out of leftover tulle from my mom and sister's weddings.)

The little birds sat atop the cupcake stand (the venue put this together - not what I'd pictured originally, but it turned out lovely)

photo by my sister

My mom, dad, sister, Achilles' mom and godmother, and I all made cookies as wedding favors. Guests took them home in little Chinese takeout boxes (my friend Lyndee made the labels for the boxes).

Lyndee also moved heaven and earth to get me peonies (my favorite flower). Apparently, a late freeze killed most of the peony crop, so I didn't think I'd be able to have them. I burst into tears when she gave them to me. My shoes were from Nordstrom. Dress, shoes, hair, makeup and jewelry came out to less than $300 total. Win!

More pictures from my family and friends are (slowly) being uploaded to Flickr, if you're interested in checking those out.

Lessons learned:

Overall, we spent less than a third of what the average Austin couple spends on a wedding, and less than one fifth of the national average. Nice weddings don't have to be expensive.
We have the nicest friends and family in the world.
If you hire a photographer, find one like Melanie.
Always check for rabid bats.
It's OK to be firm about the things that are important to you.
Above all else, relax. You'll enjoy everything a lot more, even if it's not exactly what you originally envisioned.

Onward!

Love,
Jane

*Yep. Rabid bat. Perfect for a native Austinite wedding.
**A great way to ensure that your guests compliment your taste in music.

...and I did it!

2010-03-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

Holy smoke-a-doodles, Internets!

I did stand up! And it wasn't awful! My friends' videos/pictures didn't come out, but we should get the official* video in a week or two.

(*It's "official" because we had to pay for a copy.)

Both the wedding and the stand up went better than I ever could have imagined. I must have done something to get really good karma in a past life.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself now. (I'm open to suggestions.)

Love always,
Jane

We did it!

2010-03-27T14:21:00.001-07:00

More pictures to come soon. Thank you again to all our wonderful friends and family, the amazing staff at Shoreline, Melanie Dodds (our amazing photographer), LisaLyn designs, and our fantastic pedicab drivers.

Love,
Jane and Achilles (aka Sandra and Abe)

P.S. Thanks to my sister Tamara for taking this picture.

Mawwiage is what bwings us togev-vah...

2010-03-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

...today!

In 10 hours, Achilles and I will be married. Yay! Wish us luck, Internets!

Love,
Jane

P.S. The weather cooperated. (Knock on wood.) Thank you all for crossing your fingers!

Day after tomorrow

2010-03-24T05:01:00.001-07:00

Dear Internets,

Please keep your fingers crossed that the weather really is like this on Friday:

(76 degrees Fahrenheit = 24.4 degrees Celsius)

In other news, bullet points!

I am up before the sun this morning. I think I've stumbled into a parallel universe or something.
One of my dearest friends had surgery yesterday to remove a tumor on his spine. He's doing really well, which is a huge, huge relief.
My friends threw me a surprise shower last night, which was awesome (It was supposed to happen a couple of weeks ago, but I guessed the surprise, so they lied and said they hadn't planned anything. They successfully tricked me last night!) I have the nicest friends both online and off - I am so very lucky.
I have been running around like a crazy lady this week, but it has been fun. I wish I had this much nervous energy more often - I'm like a machine!
I can't wait for the wedding. People keep asking me if I'm nervous, but I think I'm just excited. Achilles is terrified of being the center of attention, so he's nervous enough for both of us.

Rereading this blog post, it's clear that I probably need to burn off some extra energy. I'm going to go for a run . (Who is this person who has taken over my body, and how do I get her to stick around??)

Love you all bunches, and can't wait to show you wedding pictures,
Jane

One (1) week

2010-03-18T22:25:00.001-07:00

Oh Internets...

The wedding is a week away.

In seven days, I will have a husband. I will be a wife.

I will have in-laws.

("Whoa..." says the Joey Lawrence voice inside my head.)

A million thoughts are mud wrestling in my brain. My to-do list is a mile long. All I can manage to say is "I'm glad I don't have to do this alone."

Yours truly (at least until my head explodes),
Jane

P.S. In ten days, I will be performing stand-up. (Three days after the wedding.)(I know.)(It seemed like a good idea at the time...)